Notes from my Mommy

Hey Maxaroo....

February 14th 2013 1:01 pm
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It's Valentine's Day again. I think this day will always be a little bittersweet since it's the first holiday after the anniversary of your death. I can't believe it's been a year already. It still feels like yesterday. I just wanted to stop and let you know I'm thinking of you. Love you little guy!

 

Again....

May 22nd 2012 8:09 am
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It's been just over 3 months since you left us. Life is moving on. Sassy was diagnosed with diabetes and cancer yesterday. She has to have surgery to have some teeth removed and I am scared crazy that she is going to die like you did. We want her to be comfortable and enjoy the rest of her life as much as possible. But, watch her close and when her time comes please be with her, and with me. I don't know what I am going to do without her. Losing you was the hardest thing ever. I don't have any idea how I am going to make it through losing her too. Especially so close together. :( I miss you baby boy!

 

Spring is here....

April 10th 2012 12:44 pm
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It's been just over 2 months since we said goodbye to you. We had a good Easter weekend and things are starting to turn green and bloom. The baby goats that were born the day before you passed are getting so big. They are almost as big as the momma. Sassy's not too clingy anymore. I think she finally figured out that you weren't coming home and also that we weren't going to get rid of her. We think that's why she was all over us, because she thought we got rid of you. You were there one minute and then never again :( I still, even after all this time, catch myself looking for you or waiting for you when it's time to go out in the morning. I think I'll be sad when I don't do that anymore, when the habit is broken and I don't think about you everyday. I miss you so much still. I hope you are having fun wherever you are.

 

Wings for my Angel

February 14th 2012 8:25 am
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You got your wings yesterday!...(well on dogster anyway). I hope you got your real wings the second you left this earth :) They look great on you and I couldn't help but cry. Greg asked me about you yesterday. He asked me how I was doing and told me how sorry he was to hear about you passing on. It's nice to know someone is thinking about you :) Sassy is doing a little better. She's still very clingy, but I think she is starting to settle down a little. We all still miss you so much! XoXoXo Happy Valentine's Day sweet angel!

 

1 week

February 10th 2012 9:33 am
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Exactly one week ago from this moment, I was answering the telephone and hearing the tragic news that my sweet Max had just passed away. I tried hard to keep my composure, but I couldn't. I cried and cried. I was trying to ask the doctor questions, but I couldn't get the words out. It's getting a little easier to get through the day now. I've accepted the fact that you won't be coming home and there is nothing I can do about it. I'm trying to move on and be happy again. This will never change how much I miss you. I still miss you every minute of everyday. Some people don't understand how I can be so hurt still over losing a dog. You were just like one of my children. I bathed you, fed you, played with you, took you to the doctor when you were sick, comforted you when you were sad or didn't feel well, you were with me every single day for the last 6 years. You knew when I didn't feel well, when I was sad or angry and you were there for me always. Loving and loyal like every great dog is. Rest peacefully sweet boy!

 

I Wish the world would stop...

February 9th 2012 7:17 am
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...just for a few days. I wish life would just pause for a few days. Sassy is going to the vet today to get her nails trimmed. You know how much she hates that. I don't know how I'm going to do being in that building again. The last time I was there was to drop you off for surgery. As you know, dad went and picked you up, I just couldn't deal with that. I don't know if Sassy will know that that is where you left us forever, but I do. I'm afraid I'm just going to break down and bawl while I'm there. I wish I could put it off. But you know Sassy and her nails. She can barely even walk they are so long. I can't make her suffer because I don't want to go. Unfortunately, even though you are gone, life is still moving forward and I have to move with it. I love you so much Max.

 

Motherly Instincts

February 8th 2012 9:28 am
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When I came home from work yesterday, Dad had already beat me there. He had let Sassy outside and she was sitting on the front lawn when I pulled up. As she darted across the yard to greet me, I instinctively hit the brakes expecting you to run in front of the car. But you never came :( You always tried to run circles around the car when I pulled up. You were always so excited that I was home. I would have to stop, still halfway in the street and yell at Dad to call you so I could get in the driveway. I miss you so much little guy! I can't believe I've had to live these last 5 days without you.

 

3 days

February 6th 2012 7:48 am
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In 10 mintues it will have been exactly 3 days since I last held you in my arms. I miss you so much. I'm still in shock and can't make it an hour without a tear in my eye. Sassy has been following me around like she is lost. She is comforting me and I am comforting her. I think even the cat misses you. You were the only one that would play back with her. She slept on my feet all night Saturday. She hasn't done that in a long time. I expect to see you come out from under the bed each morning, but you never do. The whole house feels empty and wrong without you in it. The couch is no longer comfortable without you sleeping on the back of it. The floor around the water bowl is clean and not the soaking mess that I expect everyday when I come home. I even called your name yesterday when calling the other dogs into the house. How could I forget that you were gone? I wish I could see you, hold you and snuggle my face into your bunny soft fur. I love you!

 
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