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Life in the Kingdom of Milo

Props to the Kitchen Staff

As a king, I hafta tell you how impartant it is to respeckt your staff, and take part in the funkshuning of your kingdom. This is espeshully true in the kitchin.

When a meal is being cooked, I am right beside the chef, showing my loyalty and waiting for scraps that may fall. I am also the offishul taste tester of the kingdom, and get to try all of the food before it even hits the table.

When cookies or cakes or pies are being baked in the oven, I wait faithfully with the baker until those yummy treets are a-finished (this is also part of being the offishul taste tester).

After dinner, when everyone leaves the table, I remain in the kitchin, because you never know what might be left on plates, the floor, or even in some of the cooking pots. No food should be wasted in my kingdom!!

And it is perfektly okay to fall asleep under the kitchin table or on the rug by the sink. This makes you seem even more loyal and very comfortabull in your own castle.

So today, I would like to salute my fabulus kitchin staff! My chef, Mummy, what wonderful foods you make! My baker, Mummy, what deelishus treets you bake! My server, Mummy, for always setting the table so nicely and keeping the food hot! My busboy-er,girl?- Mummy, for making the kitchin spik and span! My dishwasher, Mummy, for - wait a minute...Mummy is my entire kitchin staff isn't she? Hmmm. Let's change this around a little then. Today I would like to salute Mummy!! Because, simply put, she is everything. :o) See what I mean about respeckting your staff?

This Old Gray Dog, He Ain't What He Used to Be!

Some days I hafta just accept that I am not as young as I used to be. Sigh. I was out for a walk on Monday with Mummy and the Little Prince, and I was trotting along beside his stroller/chariot like I ushually do. All of a suddin I didn't feel a-so good. Mummy lookt down and saw me huffing and puffing as we were walking. "Milo, are you okay?" she asked. "Uh, sher...pant, pant....I'm...pant, pant....fine, Mummy...pant, pant...no problum..." I lookt back up at her and she knew I was not fine. I just didn't feel right. Maybe it was the warm wether. Maybe it was the smell of the newly paved road we were walking on. Maybe it was my old age. I dunno. All I know is that I had to stop walking. I sat in the grass. I huffed and puffed. The Little Prince leaned over his chariot and lookt at me. Then I puked. Mummy stroked my head and told me it was okay. I stayed in the grass. I just needed to rest a bit. Mummy lookt around, cause we were kinda far from home. It was like a ghost town in the kingdom. So Mummy bent down and pickt me up, and carried me in one arm, and pushed the stroller with the other hand. I know that was really hard for her to do cause our castle was very far away. That Mummy, she sher does love me.

Anyway, I am fine now. I think maybe I was just a little overheated or something. Mummy is nerviss to take me on a long walk again, but I'm reddy!!!

It's Not Wise to Upset Satan's Helpers

Yesterday I looked death in the eye. It's true, I did. I akchualee looked it in both eyes and then tried to bite it, and Mummy said that was a really FOOLISH thing to do. She used some other words in between there too but I don't think I should write them in here.

Anywho, here's the story. Mummy took me outside really early to do my morning peepee. There was a lady outside walking a LARGE, LARGE Rottweiler. Mummy said it looked kind of like one of those dogs that Satan would have sitting by his side or something. I don't know what that means. So anyway, the lady comes walking slowly up to us and stops. Her dog is standing very still beside her. I am semi-still (I don't think I ever stand completely still, you know), and we are standing across from her in the grass. Mummy said she thot the dog looked really scary, but then felt bad because maybe he wasn't a-scary at all, just big. "Is your dog friendly?" Mummy asked. "Well, sometimes," said the lady, "Is your dog male? Sometimes he has problums with other males." I didn't say anything. I was just watching. Mummy shook her head and said, "Mmmm, I don't know, sometimes other dogs don't like Milo either because of his high energee." But the lady decididid to come over anyway, and inched her big, scary, Satan's pal Rottweiler over to us. And that's when I decididid to start growling and jumping at his face. I don't know what came over me, truly. I just didn't like the way he was looking at me, like he thot he was bigger and better than me, like he was so tuff. I could show HIM who was boss! Well things quickly gots outs of control and before I could say OOPS BAD DECISHUN, the Satan's Rottweiler let out this grrrrRRRRROOOAAAARRRRrrrr and lunged back at ME and Mummy yanked my leash so hard I thot my head was a-gonna fall off. But Satan's helper was so large that his owner couldn't stop him and he just kept a-coming and Mummy kept a-pulling me in circles but that dog's big head was just so close to my little body. Finally the owner got her dog under control by sitting on him and then she startid talking to him in German or something and we just kind of crept away. I hate to say this but I really a-scared Mummy that time. She said she thot I was going to die. She said the grass was wet and she almost fell and she would not have been able to get that dog off of me. She said I was FOOLISH and DUMB and SILLY for going after a Rottweiler, espeeshulee one that was three times my size. She said I could have akchualee walked under him, that's how much bigger he was than me. She said that inside she felt like letting out a high-pitched screem like a little girl when that dog came after me, but knew it would make the matter worse. She said her hands were a-trembling and her heart was pounding. She said she was not ready to have me killed during a morning peepee. What a sad way to go! I am sorry I made my Mummy so frightened. I am sorry I took years off her life, gave her more gray hairs, and made her say all those bad words to me as we walked away from the scene. I take full responsibilitee for my akshuns and I will try very hard not to go after any helpers of Satan ever again. Espeshulee ones that understand German.