October 8th 2011 3:18 pm
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What do we say? Do we do a tribute, do we do a love letter, or do we tell everyone what happened. Mom said she thought about writing something down, something sweet something eloquent but she decided to write start from the heart.
First, Tux gave up, you could see it in his eyes. Doc told us when you see a dog go outside and they just stand there, like they are lost, no sniffing of the ground, no ears perked up and no happy wag of the tail....that the quality of life has left them. That's what's been happening. He was doing fine till last week during the cold rains we had. It made him achy, it made him not even want to pick up his head to tell me "Hey" when I walked in the door. Then he stopped eating again Wed. and refused to drink water. Mom and Dad brought him over yesterday, he walked around in my backyard barely being able to hold himself up. He just kept walking in big circles, like he thought if he stopped and sat down he would never get back up. Right then seeing him like that I knew it was time (honestly, I knew last weekend but Mom and Dad needed to be ready to let him go). The quality of life had left him. Turns out that's why they brought him over. So he could have one last visit with me, David, Diamond and the cats.
My mother, Linda, is officially a cancer survivor sense her surgery back in late July or was it early Aug? Anyway, she is still weary from her battles mentally and physically. Tux's not wanting to eat and Mom knowing that's the only way he can survive, was taking a toll on her. She was always with him, night and day. She seen every bad day he had and felt his pain. I think of all the times over the last couple years that he would be sleeping and I would strain my eyes to make sure his chest is moving, sometimes even walking over to feel his chest move. Imagine how many times my Mom has done that. Sometimes watching someone die slowly is just as bad as being the one dying. Hate to sound bad but this is a release for both of them, Mom and Tux.
Mom could not bare going in while Doc was helping Tux pass. So it was Dad and me carrying him in right at closing time. You could see the hurt in the eyes of the lady that was there to pick up her gorgeous Golden Retriever (which had a grey muzzle of his own). I think she knew.
We are going to miss seeing your grey muzzle walking in the door, so full of life. You always looked like you were smiling. I was happy to see you too. Everybody loved you, you even inspired Trisha to adopt an elderly dog. She loved how your were so laid back and calm and loving. That you had an air of chill about you. What she didn't know was that it wasn't your age showing, that was just you.
The day I got you, I was surrounding by 8 little bouncing puppies. All trying to get my attention, all running in circles trying to nip each others back legs. You were all so cute. Little fuzz balls with big eyes and puppy breath. I just couldn't make up my mind which one of you I wanted to take home. I sat on the steps leading down into the pin where you all were and you came to me.
You were so cute. With your short stubby legs trying to climb those big steps but you made it and then laid down to take a nap underneath my legs on the step. I knew right then you had picked me.
Over the years we have played in the fields of hay, in the woods, in the snow, and in the ocean. Celebrated the seasons together with long walks down the dirt road. At one point yesterday while walking up to the big Oak Tree I wanted to call out your name then I remembered. I could see you running down the driveway, with that little cantor of yours, ears and tongue just a flapping. Your were such a happy dog.
Thanks for letting me cry on shoulder all those years and thanks for coming to me when you needed to feel safe, warm and loved. Years ago I made you the promise and yesterday we decided to make good of our promise. Baby, you are free now. You've have been with me for so long, it's time to give you back.
As you laid there, on that cold Stainless Steel table, you looked at me. You looked at me down to my soul. I felt your fear, but somehow I knew you were telling me you loved me and saying thank you. Then when the sedative started to relax you, and Dad was squatting in front of the table, rubbing your head. I leaned over to rest my head on his shoulder and you looked me again with such love. Dad told you that you were going to be young and full of life again within mins. I hope you seen us and heard us. Within mins, Doc came back in and helped you cross.
Till the day you see us again always remember.. we love you more than words could ever say and I can't wait to see those floppy ears a blowing in the wind as you run to catch up with me again.
A picture I've carried in my wallet for the last 14 years.
September 13th 2011 6:42 pm
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I have started to eat again and drink water. I'm not eating a lot nut enough according to Grandpa. Mom thinks The meds have kicked in finally. Plus all the purrs and whimpers probably helped too.
Got to tell you a story. Mom wrote a pmail to a friend offering our door step for their broken hearted stories and rants of stress. They have a very sick kitty Max who the vets have no idea what is wrong with him. He is 3 years old and fighting for his life. She was telling his Mom a story about the other day and decided to share it with everybody.
Zach, my cat brother and Zoe my cat sister are having pirate ships manned by catster cats. Boy pirates against girl pirates. They say so far it's been really fun. Both of them have gotten new friends from kitties reading diaries by kitties who are signed up as pirates. Well, Zach has a new friend named Bear. And Bear wrote him a simple pirate question and added that they were purring for me. This was Sun night.Remeber at this time they were really thinking I wasn't going to get better. Now, Mom wrote back but she didn't just write back about pirate week, she bleed her heart out to this poor kitty. It was a release, a good feeling release.
Mom thought after she wrote all this about me she thought... Dang I need to erase this but for some reason she didn't Instead she apologized for dumping her broken heart on their door step. Remember, this is a brand new, as of the day before catster friend. Mom believes in fate and she really believed there was a reason for writing out this sad story out to a stranger. She believes there's always a reason why things happen. You might not understand it now but chances are you will sometime. Dad believes you make your own fate. Opposites attract!
Well, Bear wrote back. Turns out they had just went through this earlier in the year. And this was their reply...
Said "We lost our sisfur Onyx in April. The wounds are still fresh. Mom knows the pain of trying to decide whether to hold on or let go. Our purrs and prayers are with you whatever you decide, and our love surrounds Tux. We don't need to know you well to offer that, and we wish we could do more."
We don't need to know you well to offer you that. Wow! All of a sudden Mom didn't feel alone in her grief. (she has her family and dad but she still felt alone) It donged on Mom she really is at the right place for her. She doesn't get into other websites but this is why she stays here. The love you feel from other furbaby fanatics is so comforting in times of sadness and so fun during the good times.
Thank You all for the comforting comments and the helpful ideas that have been offered. Samantha take care of Tigger, we do love him so. Besides, he's got to sail out with Zach Thur.
Animal lovers have big hearts and it shows...love you all.
September 11th 2011 7:21 am
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As you know, I'm 17 and haven't been eating good lately. Well, Grandma and Grandpa knows why now.
Troubles and tears surround us today. Our dear Tux is so sick. See, I've been diagonsed with acute kidney failure. Doc agreed that I didn't act like it was time, and I don't want to go yet! but I won't take his meds! He's got to take them, Mom said! I have two heart pills and now two kidney pills I'm also taking in fluids too.
Grandpa called Mom at work and told her to bring Diamond and some food out to the house. As some of you know, we have been having a hard time keeping Tux eating, and now it's worse. He pulled a muscle in his leg and then ran off two days in a row! He did come back by himself both times but the second day he was in pitiful shape. That's when he went to the vets for the second time and we found out his kidneys were going down for the count. Mom tried covering the pills with ice cream, pimento cheese and peanut butter. The peanut butter worked but she still had to be forceful with him. Which she hated doing. He took all but one pill of the two kidney pills. Grandma said she would bring him over to our house tomorrow night for round two.
Mom- He has to eat and he has to take his meds, if he doesn't he'll leave us. Grandma thanks they are fighting a losing battle. Mom agrees he's being awfully stubborn about the whole thing. Purr that he will understand all of this. And purr that he doesn't bite My finger again. It was a minor causality of war today.
Sad note: Diamond told me they were all sitting outside enjoying the afternoon when Grandpa and Grandma started talking about how much grey he's gotten in the past two weeks. This haunted Mom's thoughts all night.
Please whimper for my boy....Doc is going out of town next Thur. to next Tues. and I'm so afraid something bad is going to happen during that time. Please keep us in mind.