April 8th 2013 4:28 pm
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I am all about dogging-up these days. Yes, it is ME, Queen Sophine who has been working hard for a rare occasion around this 0.46 Acres of Suburbia.
Last week, Mom decided to do a little house cleaning. It was definitely "a little," as with the Slob Little Lad and Slob Middle Lad, Mom spent most of the time picking up all their ____ . I simply can't express the words that Mom used to convey her appreciation of how much time and energy she spent picking up after Slob Little Lad and Slob Middle Lad. Strange, Mom rarely complains about picking up after Me and Pennie, when she neatly bags up all our solid waste into green biodegradable waste bags that she deposits into the trash.
Mom had no intention of ever, ever, picking up after Slob Little Lad and Slob Middle Lad, but she finally decided that the house simply HAD to be dusted and vacuumed. Mom: Zero. Slob Lads: Win!
Anyhoodles, Mom left out the can of Lemon Pledge dusting spray. The next day, while the Slobs were at home and supposed to be supervising Wee Lass while Pennie and I took Mom for some much-needed exercise; Wee Lass found the can of Lemon Pledge dusting spray. Wee Lass busied herself by attempting her OWN cleaning projects. When Mom returned from her exercise, the house had a strange, lemony odor.
Wee Lass used the Lemon Pledge on the wood staircase. Mom immediately discerned this when Mom attempted to ascend the staircase, and rapidly found herself instead, DE-scending the staircase. Mom cleaned off each individual stair, one at a time, several times, to remove all (so she thought) of the Lemon Pledge.
TODAY, Dad discovered the ONE spot of the 3rd stair from the top that still had Lemon Pledge spray on it. Dad RAPIDLY descended the staircase. He landed in a heap in the foyer. Dad had back surgery back in 2000, and his back has always had to be treated tenderly since.
PENNIE, yes Nurse Pennie, Alpha Pennie: PANICKED. She paced nervously around fetal-positioned Dad.
Who sprang into action: Sophie, Dog of Action. Queen Sophine.
I immediately assessed Dad's vital signs by poking my nose into his face. When he pushed my snout away, I knew he was at least alive. This also flipped Dad over onto his back. I laid half my body over Dad's chest, with one Dainty Sophie Paw right in the middle, ready to do Chest Compressions.
Pennie still paced.
Mom arrived in the foyer, but I had the situation well in Paw. I alternated between laying with one paw on Dad's chest, ready to do chest compressions, and my snout in Dad's face, assessing Dad's breathing.
Dad has spent the last several hours laying on the couch, with me not leaving his side.
Really, I don't know what has happened to Pennie. I think she may now be Alpha-Minus Pennie and I am no longer Beta Sophie, but Beta-Plus Sophie.
I am quite sure that Pennie is suffering from depression at Oldest Lad moving away. It is a shame to see her lose it, but then again, I AM rising to the occasion!
March 25th 2013 12:42 pm
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This morning I discovered Mom sitting in HER Chair, with Pennie atop of Mom. Mom was holding Pennie extra close, for comfort as she thought of some Bad Things. I decided to climb atop of Pennie and Mom. Then I got down, found a deer antler gnaw, and climbed back atop Pennie and Mom. I managed to wedge the deer antler gnaw right under Mom's collar bone, and proceeded to enjoy a good gnaw AND a good snuggle. Mom failed to appreciate the soothing comfort of the rhythmic grinding sensation of the deer antler gnaw pressing into her clavicle.
Eventually, Mom decided she no longer wished to meditate upon the deer antler gnaw grinding into her clavicle, and she took the gnaw away from me.
I decided to hop back upon Mom, and this time I perched in one of my favorite positions: Sophie bottom firmly wedged under Mom's chin, perched upon Mom's shoulder and upper chest. Despite being in a somewhat head-down position, I was rapidly able to achieve Snoring Sophie Status.
Mom soon had to get up to fetch Wee Lass. That is when she noticed that I had left her a wonderful gift: Sophie Essence. Upon Mom's fleece were two luxuriously-smelling spots of Sophie Essence. Yesterday I had been banished to my grate because I was acting dangerously close to become Exploding Sophie. Nothing ever came of the threat, however, apparently my System indeed was upset, and I was experiencing a bit of Sophie Essence Leakage.
Mom was not amused. She was not even thankful!
She dashed upstairs and changed her t-shirt and fleece before heading off to fetch Wee Lass.
I truly fail to understand this woman who claims to be my Mother. I feel dangerously close to wishing to deny her any of my Sophie Essence, but I shall not. I am far too interested in Mom's well-being to deny her of any part of me; I am simply that generous.
March 3rd 2013 3:49 am
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Mom and Dad left for the entire day on Saturday, leaving Pennie and ME in charge. When Mom and Dad returned home, they just KNEW that something had happened due to the over-enthusiastic greetings that we both gave them.
If only Pennie and I could talk.
Mom had been forced to wear "real" clothes to her day's outing. When she changed she allowed Wee Lass to try on her String of Pearls. Wee Lass stood in front of the mirror and admired herself, but was disappointed when she learned the pearls who not be hers for many years. Dad insisted that Pennie then try on the pearls. Pennie did look lovely, but was not impressed.
Dad then insisted that Mom adorn my beautiful Brindle Queen Sophine neck with the pearls.
Here's the thing: the pearls just looked totally naturally laying upon my neck, as if they were MEANT to be there.
Of course. I am Queen Sophine. I am a dog meant to wear pearls. Sadly, I was forced to abdicate my royal throne and sent to the shelter exile. I am clearly meant to be thankful that I did not suffer the same fate as other royalty that has abdicated and been sent into exile. Abdication and Exile did not have a happy ending for Tsar Nicholas II of Russia and his family. I suffered as Rental Dog Sophie, then Rent-to-Own Sophie and am expected to live out my life as Queen Sophine of Suburbia. With no Pearls, even though it is clear that my gorgeous brindle neck is meant for pearls.