September 7th 2011 6:07 pm
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It happened. On an ordinary day, except maybe it had cooled down a few degrees. But an ordinary day none-the-less.
Mom comes home from work with a box. If I would have known then, what I know now, I would have never let her open that box. Living inside of it was a monster. A black and chrome monster.
It has a green eye that stares at me in the middle of the night, infusing me with the light of 1,000 demons. It doesn't want me to sleep. It forces me to stay awake all night!
Then, just as I am finally ignoring the giant, bright green eye and closing my own eyelids, it growls.
That's right, it growls! At ME!
I KNOW it growls at ME because Gunner sleeps in Mom and Dad's room, Pixie sleeps in an X-pen, and Peggy sleeps in the kennel. I sleep inthe couch to guard everyone from anybody that thinks they're going to attack, like a ninja, in the middle of the night.
Mom put a ninja in the kitchen. And that ninja growls.
I'm brave. I really am. So when it started growling this morning I knew I had to check it out. I snuck in and put my paws on the counter to face it, fearlessly.
Now Dogsters, before I tell you this next part you have to pawromise not to make fun of me. K?
I faced that black-as-night ninja cyclops monster and growled back. I did. It wasn't going to attack my family! Not on my watch!
"The family is asleep Ninja Cyclops!" I said, "You better not cause any trouble this morning!"
I know, right? I'm bad!
But then, it said "RRRAAAAAWWWRRRGGGGRRRR"
I peed on the floor.
I did. That cyclops ninja monster scared me so bad I yelled and peed!
Then Mom came out, muttering.
I couldn't let her know about the shameful thing I just did. So I made up for it by telling that monster off in my loudest meanest voice! "WHY I OTTA!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE! YOU DON'T SCARE ME! MOM, YOU JUST LET ME TAKE CARE OF THIS! DON'T GET CLOSE! IT MAY BITE!"
Does she listen to me? No. She LAUGHS! WTD? Laughs at me for protecting her?!
Then, in the most bravest movement of opposable thumbs I have ever seen, Mom grabs the heart of the Ninja Cyclops and dumps it's smelly blood into a cup.
You aren't going to believe this, but then, she DRANK it's blood! She drank it and moaned in PLEASURE!
I was curious because, well, I like blood too. It's a dog thing. But the smell coming from this blood was atrocious! I couldn't stand it!
But Mom was acting like she was about to roll in it! I mean, seriously! I thought she was about to rub herself all over the ninja cyclops blood.
I'll be watching tonight. Ninja Cyclops and I may fight in the morning. But I'm ready for him now...
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You are so very brave! My Mom doesn't have one of those - just drinks pop, pop and more pop. Attack it when you can sneak up on it - it's really defenseless without a hooooman around!
Hey, growlmy has one of those monsters, too, but there is no eye on it, and it only evfur growls when someone is around...but then they still do the drinking up of that yucky stinky brew as they call it, BOL!
I get all bent out of shape at the ceiling fan at grand-growlmy's house...
Do you have one of those that you need to get protected from??
You better keep watching that thing - I wouldn't trust it if I was you.
BOL!! You made Momma laff so hard!! I kinda likes da koffee-- I drank some one time when no one was watchin'-- and it made me bounce off da walls!!