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The Life and Times of Ruin "Whitey" Handsome

Paws OFF

Wow. It' s been quite a while since I've written. Anyway, the thing with me and that Boxer is seriously over. I don't really think I want any playdates with other dogs for a while. I'll hang out with my bros - Kingston, Cooper, if he ever makes it back into town, and my boy Hunter from around the block, but no more bitches. I mean that! Talk about clingy and neurotic!!! Ugh. Seriously, I feel sick. I realize now that Sable was only a chubby, brindle container of constant neediness. Can't a dog get a little time to himself? No sooner would I get home from a long day, looking forward to a little kibble, a belly rub from my mom, and maybe some TV, the neediness would start: "Where are you? Are you OK? Do you want to go for a walk in the park? Do you like me? I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you..." And then she'd get all bitter and start in on me if I didn't give her what she wanted. Long story short, this Boxer was not what she appeared. I'm lucky I got out. Sheeesh... I'm glad I'm neutered.

Puppy Love

I know it's been a while since I've written, but I've met someone! She's a little bit younger than I am, and she's looks perfect with me. (Her name's Sable - check her out... but PAWS OFF!) Anyway, we have such a great time together. I really feel like she understands me for who I am. I mean, whenever we're not wrestling, we're snuggling. Sometimes when we wrestle, I start humping her... I just can't help myself. Her tail is docked, but if it were there, she would be the waggiest girl I've ever known. I love that in my bitches.

Spare the rod and spoil the bulldog!

I am soooooooo spoiled. Believe you me, I am not complaining. Want to hear what I did today? My mom dragged herself out of bed this morning an hour earlier (only to later suffer temporary narcolepsy during her classes as a result) so that I could go to Central Park and run around off-leash. She helped me find a gigantic stick and then grabbed each end like handle-bars so I could grab it in the middle with my mouth, and she spun around with me hanging on until I was off the ground. Then she'd let go, and I'd fly one way, and she'd fall on her butt the other way, all dizzy and tired (I am, afterall, a big boy.) Then I was playing one of my favorite anti-social games - jumping up at tree branches and trying to grab them. Some lady was in the park and had a camera and was so impressed with my skills (I got mad ups!) that she started taking pictures of me. She told my mom she was a photographer, and promised to e-mail the pictures to us. Hopefully we'll get them soon and they'll be on here so everyone can see just how awesome (my mom says "strange") I am. Anyway, after a minute or two, about ten people were standing around watching me, and everytime I jumped up, they would all say "oooooh.....ahhhhhh...." like when people watch fireworks or something. Maybe I'll be famous! Then I'll be the one bringing home the bacon...literally.
After that we went back home, and I insisted that I sit directly on top of my mom as she tried to do some last minute homework. I was fed nothing but the best, kissed, and then I took a nap while listening to the classical music station. My mom had opened the window just a crack, so there was great fresh air and a nice breeze. A few hours later, my mom came home, and we got in her bed for a really nice nap. Actually, I fell asleep right away, because my mom was rubbing my tummy just the way I like, so I don't really know if my mom napped or just pet me for three hours. Probably the latter, 'cause I deserve it.
Then we went outside to get the mail, and I grabbed one my sticks that I hid behind the garbage and carried it around while I peed on EVERYTHING (it's my block.) Then we went back in and my mom left again for a little while. When she came home, she jumped onto the couch with me and we cuddled. Again, I was immediately asleep. Pretty soon, it was time for more delicious dinner, and then we went to Central Park AGAIN to meet up with my buddy Kingston. We ran around like crazy for almost an hour, and now I'm pooped. I'm going to curl up next to my mom and call it a day. It's not easy being me, but someone has to do it. Did I mention how many times a day someone tells me I'm beautiful? Yeah - it's tough at the top....