November 23rd 2005 4:44 pm
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... hopping down the bunny trail. Hippity hoppity do doo do doo doooo!
Okay, so it's not Easter, but Opal and I want to wish our pal Francis LOTS of luck at the field trials this weekend! Francis is pretty quick on the uptake. I'm sure he won't have any trouble at all finding that bunny trail. :)
And then Francis can come to visit us all at the dog show glowing with victory! Will you bring me a bunny, Francis? They DO give you a bunny if you do well at a field trial, right? ;)
I don't have all that much to report, pups and pupettes. Mom has been torturing us pup-types today. She's done a whole lot of cooking that smells really, mouth-wateringly, yummy ... and hasn't let me have a single bite! Something about waiting for tomorrow at Grandma and Grandpa's house. *grumble, grumble*
And you ought to see what Mom did to the refrigerator! She took out the bottom shelf and now there's a whole turkey in there in a GIANT bucket, taking a bath or something. And she yelled at me when I opened the fridge to take an innocent peek! Geez Mom, I wasn't going to disturb Mr. Turkey or stick my head in the brine solution, I swear! What kind of an uncivilized dog does she take me for?
Tomorrow had better be more fun. So far, Thanksgiving sucks. "Stay out of that refrigerator, Sterling!" "Don't let me catch you on that counter, Sterling!" "Stay away from the brine, Sterling." Yep, lots of fun.
Hey, I did manage to swipe a sprig of Italian Parsley though ... and that was good. Yum, greens!
Praying for it to rain roasted turkeys,
November 21st 2005 11:34 pm
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So, it has come to my attention that not every being on the planet is clear about the fact that I am THE Center of the Universe. The Center, with a capital "c", as in the one and only. Are we clear now? Okay, good. Now that we all understand that what I say goes, without question, let's get a few ground rules straight.
If you are an human:
1) Yes, I am the most handsome dog you have ever seen. Thank you for noticing. Interrupting my walk to tell me how handsome I am is not only unnecessary ... it is also a minor annoyance. Please wait until you see me stop to mark some territory before stopping Mom and me. I am going somewhere important, at all times.
2) Once you have found an appropriate pause in which to admire me, please feel free to do so. I like it. A lot. Besides, it is only fitting that you admire the Center of the Universe.
3) While admiring me, please do not assume I like having my head patted (aka smacked) just because I'm a smallish dog. I don't. If I deem you worthy, I assure you that I will come up to you and position myself to accept a worshipful stroke or two from you, before walking away. If I don't come to you, don't come to me ... I have clearly rated you as unworthy. And again, never, never pat my head. How degrading.
4) Treats are always welcome, but try not to take offense when I take that milkbone and hide it in a potted plant. That is my way of trying not to hurt your feelings. I do not eat "dog treats" nor do I acknowledge that I'm a "dog." Offerings of chicken breast or steamed vegetables will, however, be consumed on the spot.
Ground rules for other species to follow. :) Thank you for taking this time to go over the rules of living on my planet. Really, these rules are for your own good. They'll make your life easier and happier. I promise. :)
November 18th 2005 4:12 pm
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Mom is in SO much trouble! Just look at how long it's been since she let me type a diary entry!
I would like to apologize to all of my fans, and let you know Mom will be available for adoption to a good home. I will also be looking to hire a typist/cook to work Tuesdays through Mondays, from 12:02 AM until 11:55 PM. Duties will include logging onto Dogster for me, feeding Opal and myself, outings to the park and the lake, and keeping Opal out of my toy basket.
I'll have to catch you all up on my doings, but I do want to tell you how SUPER excited I am for next weekend! First off, it's Thanksgiving, which means turkey and apple salad at Grandma's house! Yum, yum. Since I'm such a great guy, I'm even going to let Opal come to Grandma's with me ... she can eat stuffing and mashed potatoes (I don't think much of potatoes).
Then that weekend is a big UKC show! Woo hoo! It's even an all-breed show, so there will be canine eye-candy of all shapes and sizes. Mom says I have to behave myself, and won't be allowed to woo all the ladies, but what does she know? I am the Center of the Universe. Don't people put on dog shows just to admire me?!? Mom just doesn't get it sometimes.
Best yet, I get to meet my favorite Dachshund, Francis at the dog show. Oh, and Francis' Bassett pal, Floyd, will be there too! Oh, oh, oh! And Gunther my Great Dane pal and maybe even Keiko will be stopping by to visit! It's going to be so much fun ... lots of my favorite dogsters all in one place. I just can't wait. :)
Well, I've gotta run. I need to make a few calls to adoption agencies to see if I can get Mom rehomed. She's a great human-type, but she's been awfully lax about getting me onto Dogster.