Car Rides on Demand

If you want to go on a car ride but your mama isn't cooperating, all you have to do is get past her when she is throwing out a bag of trash and stand out in the garage by the car until she gives up.

Oh, I had to stand in the cold garage for an hour, and I had to resist any number of treats she tried to use to lure me back in.... but it was worth it!

She gave up and drove me around the block. She called me not very nice names and we only drove approximately 100 yards total, but it was still a car ride!

Love,
Daytona

Valentines Day Massacre

I celebrated Valentines Day by having a massacre.

I destroyed the following toys:

1 blue Screaming Monkey
1 pink Screaming Monkey (technically it belonged to Coffee but she was done
playing with it, and the screamer still worked.)
1 grunting white sheep
1 squeaking yellow duck
1 oinking orange piggy

This is the best holiday EVER!!

Love,
Daytona

Communication Problems

THINGS MOM THOUGHT WE LEARNED THIS WEEK:

Do not chase geese.

Do not helicopter tail if there are small children with ice cream cones standing directly behind you.

Do not poop on someone’s carefully manicured and pruned rose bush.

Do not whine if mom leaves the car and only goes 10 feet away.

Do not snuggle so aggressively that you push your snuggl-ee off the couch.

Do not eat your sibling’s food.

Do not destroy your stuffie.

Do not wake mom up at 4:13am hoping to get an early breakfast.

Do not chase the neighborcat.

Do not eat people food.

Do not try to roughhouse-play with terrified little dogs.

Do not potty on the displays at a Meet and Greet.

VS.

THINGS WE ACTUALLY LEARNED:

Geese are fun to chase! All that flapping! All those feathers!!! And best of all.. goose poo!!!

Kids are great! Wag your tail enthusiastically! If you get ice cream on your tail… lick your tail!! If the kid gets ice cream on her face…lick her face!

If you poop on a rose bush, mom will have to deal with a bunch of thorns while trying to scooper it without puncturing the poop bag.

She will fail. She will get a handful of poo. It will be funny!!

If mom leaves you in the car and steps an entire 10 feet away, the appropriate response is to WHINE loudly and let the whole neighborhood know that you are being cruelly abandoned by your mama and are dyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyying! She will tell you to shut up a couple of times, but she will eventually give up and come back. Remember: Whining Works.

Snuggling is a full contact sport, and if mom can’t handle it, then she belongs on the floor where we pushed her. (Just follow her onto the floor and snuggle here there too.)

Your sibling’s food is much, much, much better than your own.

If you destroy your stuffie, you get a brand new one then you can destroy that one too!

If you whine loud and long and sound extra pitiful at mom at 4:13am, and she gives up on going back to sleep, she will get her butt out of bed and get you breakfast early! Remember: Whining Works at all hours.

Next time you chase the neighborcat, run faster! We almost got him!! (Mom was doing a lot of yelling. I assume she was cheering us on?)

People food is delicious and if left unattended, it officially becomes greyhound food. That’s the rule.

Little dogs aren’t really terrified. That is part of the game. Also, they like getting stepped on.

If you wait until mom is distracted talking to someone, you can potty on a display at a Meet and Greet. Every other dog has pottied on it, so you should be able to also. You just have to do it fast before mom realizes what you’re up to.

Love,
Coffee & Daytona

The Terrible No Good Very Bad Brother

Dear Coffee,

I want to apologize for what happened Tuesday morning.

I wasn’t watching what I was doing and you know how sometimes I forget where my butt is.

Unfortunately, I didn’t realize you were sniffing the shrub where I decided to poop.

And since I had pooped three times already that morning, this time it was extra runny and stinky and gross.

Poop dripped down your ears and made a mess on your pretty pink collar.

I felt really bad when you kept whining in horror and disgust.

You kept trying to go to mom for comfort, but she wouldn't even let you snuggle. Something about smearing poop on her work clothes.

You had to walk into daycare with poop on your head, and Aunt DeAwna at The Comfy K9 had to clean you off.

I felt bad when everybody was laughing at you and your poopy collar and yourn poopy ears and your poopy forehead.

I am really, really, really sorry.

Please forgive me.

I'll be more careful next time.

I promise.

Love,
Daytona

Defective House

Did you know that it not only is raining in the back yard, but in the front yard too?

What sort of house is this anyway?

I can’t figure it out.

Love,
Daytona

Slanderous Article Clearly Written by a CAT

I was appalled to read this article today that suggested that female dogs are smarter than male dogs.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/42786171

I would like to point out that while Coffee frequently likes to tell stories about how dopey I am and how smart she is... that isn't always true.

In fact, tonight Coffee tried to lick the cheese grater.

Not so brainy now, eh?

Love,
Daytona
Unappreciated Dog Genius

Yet another adventure involving Daytona... and Poo

I love my stuffies! I play with them and I throw them in the air and I squeak them de-squeaker them and shred them and I carry them around the house and I even nap on them sometimes. (I might even have thrown one in my water bowl, but I neither confirm nor deny such an action.)

Anyways… I was sprawled on the living room floor playing with my pink Mr. Hoppy-Rabbit when I realized that I needed to go outside to do my business.

But I wasn’t done squeaking Mr. Hoppy, so I took him out with me.

It was a beautiful day and Mr Hoppy and I enjoyed walking around in the warm sunshine.

But I had business to attend to.

I examined the yard, and circled and circled and circled until I found just the right spot.

I put Mr. Hoppy down, turned around, squatted, and went about doing my business.

Feeling much better afterward, I went to collect Mr. Hoppy… and SOMEBODY HAD POOPED ON MR. HOPPY!!

I sniffed at him under the poo pile and looked around in confusion. I was only turned away for a second!! Where was the other dog that pooped on Mr. Hoppy?

I didn’t see another dog anywhere!

That other dog sure was sneaky!

The only person around was mom, and she was standing on the porch, laughing so hard that her eyes were watering.

“Daytona!” She said “ You pooped on your stuffie! That’s disgusting!”

Obviously she was covering for the other dog. She knew more than she was letting on, but clearly she would be no help in my search for the offender.

I conducted a careful patrol of the perimeter of the yard.

Still no mystery dog.

I marked a few trees to reassert that this yard was mine. How dare some dog stealth-poop on Mr. Hoppy!

Coffee even came outside to see what mom was laughing so hard about, and when I told her about the mystery pooper she was intrigued. Then she sniffed at Mr. Hoppy, looked at me, looked at Mr. Hoppy, looked back at me… and rolled her eyes and went back inside.

Mom laughed even harder.

Some naughty dog is sneaking around pooping on stuffies and apparently no one cares!!

After one final sniff at poor desecrated Mr. Hoppy, I walked sadly back inside to play with my other toys.

Rest in Peace, Mr Hoppy.

Sorry you got such a stinky send off.

Love,
Daytona

Note from Daytona’s mom:
I apologize for the poop stories. It seems like all of Daytona’s adventures lately involve bodily functions. Who knew that when I adopted such a sweet boy, he would turn out to be such a goof?

Flying through the air with the greatest of ease...

Today we took a walk.

It was lovely outside and we were finding lots of stuff to sniff and examine.

I stopped to do my “business” and left a nice big pile on my neighbor’s lawn. And as always I scratched and kicked at the grass when I finished.

Only this time I only took one step forward instead of my usual two or three.

And the BEST thing happened!

Before mom could scooper it up in the baggie... I KICKED THE POO!

And one big, brown, squishy turd fleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew through the air
To land on the windshield of my neighbor’s Lexus.

*SPLAT*

And as usual when I do something impressive, mom completely freaked out.

She tried to scooper it off the windshield, but it was a bit mooshy and she really just smeared it all over the place.

Coffee was so embarrassed; she hung her head in shame.

But not me.

I strutted all the way home.

Love,
Daytona
Poop Kicker Extraordinarire

Note from Daytona's mom: We scurried home and I went back with a rag and water to clean the car. Ugh! At least it didn't land on me, I guess.

Wii versus Wee

When Coffee and me found out that we were going over to a friend’s house to WEE, boy were we excited! We not only got to WEE in a new and exciting place, but we got to WEE inside! We are NEVER allowed to WEE inside the house!

Imagine our dismay when we found out that we would not be Weeing at all. It was a “Wii.” Some sort of computer game for the humans.

BOR-ing.

And… To add to the disappointment, the friend had a cat so Coffee had to wear her muzzle the whole entire time. She was not pleased.

Life is very tough for us.

Love,
Daytona

A Lesson in Coat Buying

Dear Humans,

If you buy a new winter coat that has decorative fur trim around the hood, do not be surprised if we think it is a squirrel and attempt to eat it.

Love,
Coffee & Daytona