Secret Word Of The Day: Allergy

Daddy came home late today and I hate when he does that. It's bad enough that he has to go to "work." But, daddy told me that he needs to work so that I can have my fill of Scooby Snacks. So, I guess I'll have to suck it up.

Anyway, He told me that he went to see some movie called "Elektra" with his cousin, my Uncle Rich. I used to think that Uncle Rich did not like me, but daddy explained that Uncle Rich is allergic to me. Apparently, I, and my other dog bretheren, make his throat swell up and he can't breathe. Can you imagine that? Anybody alergic to me? But, I guess I can understand it. I have the same kind of reaction everytime Uncle Dune does his sad clown routine. Maybe I'm allergic to Uncle Dune.

Boys...You Can't Live With Them...'Nuf Said

Well, day one at Lolo and Lola's place and it's not quite the walk in the park that I thought it would be. It's tough living with all boys. All day long I tried to work on my novel, but I kept getting distracted. Three times I had to break up fights between Kaegogi and Uncle Chin Chan, which usually ended up with Kaegogi going to one corner and rocking in a fetal position as he muttered "I'm a naughty boy." So, being the devoted and loving sister I am, I had to walk him through his haze. If Uncle Chin Chan followed me around as much as he follows Kaegogi, I'd pull all my hair out.

Then, Uncle Chin Chan and Uncle Dune have to vocalize everything. I mean everything. I was getting a headache. I mean, there I was in the middle of my writing, beating my head in trying to describe that one humid evening when I saw that dragonfly fly by and all I can hear is those yahoos barking their heads off. The only thing I could think of was "The night was moist." See? Crap.

And, their barking is monotonous and annoying. Uncle Chin Chan croaks like a frog and Uncle Dune has a high pitches squeal that he repeats over and over again for hours on end.

Then, later, Uncle Dune felt he had to get his clown makeup out and practice his mime routine while singing "Send In The Clowns." Hello? Two things -- One. Can you think of anything more original than dog trying to get out of box. You're not even good at it, Uncle Dune. Two. Mime's are supposed to be silent and not singing songs from Stephen Sondheim's "A Little Night Music!"

Argh!

Alright, daddy's home. I'm going to cry in his lap for awhile. I need a drink.

Over The River And Through The Wood...To Grandmother's House- We Go

Well, here we are at Lola and Lolo's house for two weeks. Frankly, I think I'm going to enjoy it because there's more room to spread out. Having to share that doghouse with Kaegogi and his gas problems make it difficult for me to concentrate on my writing.

Anyway, we're here to watch my uncles Chin Chan and Dune. Let me tell you about them.

Uncle Chin Chan and I get along, but Kaegogi hates him. Uncle Chin Chan has this weird habbit of wanting to bite Kaegogi's butt. I'm not quite sure why he likes to do this. But, it makes Kaegogi quite grumpy. But, while Chin Chan can be a handful, he is adorable. He and I like to sit on daddy's lap while he's watching television.

Uncle Dune, however, is a loner. Actually, he's a big old princess, if you ask me. Daddy likes to call him the Elizabeth Taylor of dogs. And, we're not talking about "National Velvet" Elizabeth Taylor. We're talking the latter years. With all due respect to Ms. Taylor, I won't go on any further...but, I think you know what I mean.

Alright, all...I'm going to sleep.

Happy Birthday, Daddy

Today is daddy's birthday. I wanted to give him something special. His friends at work took him to lunch today and Lola and Lolo are treating him to dinner (actually, the restaurant is treating him to dinner as you get a free meal on your birthday). So, I spent most of the greater part of the day trying to bake a cake to show my love. This is no small feat, mind you, as I have no real fingers and my dew claw does not make much of a thumb. But, I managed to get everything done and made the finest cake made of peanut butter dog biscuits. Daddy loves peanut butter. Then, when I put the cake out on the cooling rack, I went to investigate the ducks that were floating by the house. When I came back, the cake was gone. I'll give you one guess where it went. You guessed it. Kaegogi's stomach. Hello, Kaegogi? Don't you have a stork or a crane to stare at for hours on end.

When daddy came home, I had nothing to offer him...except the bone that Kaegogi and I fought over. Daddy let us in and I tried to tell him "happy birthday," but my mouth had a bone in it. So, my words came out like this, "Awwooowoo awoowoowoo." Complete gibberish for a dog of my educational background.

But, daddy knew. He took the bone from my mouth, patted me on the head, and thanked me for my gift.

Happy birthday, daddy.

It's A Hard Knock Life

Thought you might like to see an average day in the average life of one bodacious canine:

7:15 - Daddy comes into the room, claps his hands and says, "Time to go outside." I'm under the covers so I'm going to pretend I'm invisible. Perhaps he won't see me... I hear him calling my name, but I'm just going to ignore him... La la la la la...I can't hear you.

7:16 - Daddy lifts the covers off of me, picks me up and carries me outside. Damn.

7:20 - I take my morning constitutional by strolling the perimeter of the deck and then take a little bathroom break.

7:30 - I check out my bowl to see what Daddy's left me to eat. Damn...same old crap.

8:00 - I have myself a tall latte. I'm partial to the new Tazo© Green Tea Latte. Mmmm...

8:20 - I set up my laptop and get set to write for the day. This latest chapter involves a field of wheat. I'm going to let you in on a big secret -- "wheat," in the dog world, is hilarious. Seriously. Next time you're with you're pooch, say "wheat" and watch them laugh themselves into convulsions.

9:30 - Kaegogi is looking at a stork sitting on top of the boat house. In fact, he's been staring at it since 8:00. I spotted him while having my latte. Frankly, you'd think he'd have something more productive to do...like write a book.

9:31 - Write more about "wheat" for my book. God, this chapter is hilarious.

10:04 - I stroll the perimeter of the deck and then take a little bathroom break.

10:30 - I check out my bowl to see what Daddy's left me to eat. Damn...same old crap.

11:00 - I take a break from writing in my novel and turn on the television. Oh! It's my favorite soap opera "One Bone To Chew." I just love that Bowser Phoenix. They always feature him with his collar off....grrrrrrr....sexy!

12:30 - Kaegogi now has his head stuck in the slats of the fence. I'm going to see how long it takes him to get his head out.

1:00 - "Jerry Spring Terrier" is on. I know I should hate this show, but, watching the dogs on this show make me appreciate how sweet I have it. Today's episode -- That's Not My Litter!

1:03 - Kaegogi finally realizes that if he turns his head the same way that he put his head through the slates that he can actually get his head out.

2:38 - I finally return to my novel, although I'm experiencing a bit of writers block. Maybe another Tazo© Green Tea Latte.

3:45 - I stroll the perimeter of the deck and then take a little bathroom break.

4:10 - I check out my bowl to see what Daddy's left me to eat. Damn...same old crap.

5:02 - I put my laptop away for the night and take a little nap.

5:54 - I hear a car pull up. It's daddy! I know what I'll do. I'll hop up and down and scratch my claws on the glass on the door, even though he's told me not to do it one hundred million times. I've got that man wrapped around my finger.

5:58 - The door opens and I do the dance of 1,000 joys by running upstairs and downstairs 35 times. Daddy wearily adheres our collars to us as Kaegogi and I pull him up the stairs and out the door.

6:05 - Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk! Walk!

6:20 - I check out my bowl to see what Daddy's left me to eat. Damn...same old crap.

Who Coaxed The Fox Right Out Of The Hole?

Well, I thought I'd write this entry before daddy, Kaegogi and I settle down to watch "Auntie Mame" on DVD. Speaking of "Auntie Mame," guess what I woke up to this morning? The house has been having some leaking problems, so daddy's had to place buckets around the house to catch the rain coming through. A new leak had sprung forth and, so, he had to place another bucket down. Interestingly enough, the drops hit the bottom of the bucket to the beat of the song "Mame." So, I woke up to my daddy dancing around the house and singing, "*drip* who coaxed the *drip* fox right out of the *drip* hoooole? * drip* Mame..."

Well, if anything, there's never a dull moment around the house.

Today was another day of a trip to Lola and Lola's house and then errand running. But, before we left the house, daddy wanted to use the extra film in the disposable camera that he bought for his party last night. So, what does he do in these cases? He takes pictures of me and Kaegogi in the most ridiculous poses. I mean, please...I'm an established author in the dog world and, yet, he has me posing with his Boobah toy and his Edna Mode doll. How much more undignified can life get? Hmmm...wait a minute...I think I can work this into my novel. Okay, moving on.

Daddy tells us that we're going to be staying at Lola and Lolo's place for a couple weeks while Lola and Lolo are out of town. He has to take care of our uncles Chin Chan (a shih tzu) and Dune (a cockapoo). I'll tell you right now that Kaegogi will not enjoy this. Chin Chan is the constant prankster and lives to torment Kaegogi. I have to give Kaegogi a bone, though. He he shows remarkable restraint with that little...mmmm...little one.

Before we went home, daddy went to lunch with Lola. We had to stay in the car, though, because, apparently, the restaurants don't allow dogs inside. Frankly, I think that's discriminatory and I am going to explore legal channels to challenge this. This has got to be some violation of my civil rights. Anyway, daddy found parking rather easily and pointed out a space to my Lola right up front. But, after a little bit, we kept watching Lola passing by our car. We asked daddy why she didn't take the space he pointed out to her. He said because she thought she found a space closer...closer meaning one aisle over in exactly the same spot. So, instead of parking right away, she proceeded to circle the parking lot for 20 minutes. Oh, silly, silly Lola.

After they ate lunch, daddy brought us to the park. But, because it was wet and rainy, we couldn't stay long and daddy restricted the places where we could go. And, a mud bath was something I was really looking forward to. Denied TWICE today!

Regardless, we've returned to our little house where I will most probably chew up one of the toys I got for Christmas and hammer out a couple of pages of the old novel before going to bed.

'Night, all.

Rain, Rain...Go Away

I was in my dog house working on my novel when I saw the light in the hallway go on. I knew it was daddy and was so glad he was home. I really have to talk with him about the accomodations he's provided for me and Kaegogi while he's away, especially with all this rain. Um...hello? This is California. SUNNY California. Where the heck is all this rain coming from? Anyway, I've been working on a couple of new angles for my novel -- one involving an encounter with the neighbor's cat and one involving a field of wheat, but the rain kept coming in and shorting out my laptop. Plus, I don't know what Kaegogi ate tonight, but let's just say that I didn't appreciate the smell.

Anyway, daddy said that he had a great time at the party. He made the guests play some kind of game that he loves. I don't quite understand it because it doesn't involve me catching some projectile. So, I'll just have to take him at his word.

Okay, daddy's turned on the heater, so I'm going to get comfy on the couch and forget about my miserable, rainy and smelly evening.

Riding In The Car With Boys

Well, well...my first diary entry. And, frankly, it's been quite an uneventful day to tell you the truth. But, I will endeavor to record the events that have transpired without putting you to sleep. Today was Saturday and I love Saturdays because my daddy doesn't have to go to work. That means, I get to sleep in and I love to cuddle with daddy. Although, twice, this morning, while I was trying to get my extra zzzz's, daddy had to ask, "Are you from Jurassic Park?" I don't know why he asks me this question. It's just one of those nonsensical questions he randomly throws out there every so often to see how I'll react. He seems to get a thrill to watch me squirm and try to lick his face when he asks that question. I don't have the heart to tell him that the question doesn't really prompt a reaction at all. It actually all started one time when he asked that question and accidentally rolled on to my tail. I tried to tell him to get the heck off because it was a little painful. He thought we were talking in code. Ever since then, he's expected the same reaction. So, being the ever loving daughter that I am, I feel obliged to respond. Eh, It's our little schtick.

Later, we went to our Lola and Lolo's place. Daddy tells me this is Tagalog (A Filipino language) for "grandmother" and "grandfather." I love going over there because Lolo always gives us table scraps and Lola sometimes cooks for us...even though daddy tells them not to do it. Unfortunately, there was nothing new on the menu, but Lola gave us doggy treats and, then, later, Lolo gave us some. We generally try to look sad and pitiful to play off our grandparents emotions to give us food. We're little stinkers that way.

Daddy's friend Amy is throwing him a birthday party tonight. It's not actually his birthday tonight (it's Tuesday), but this is a Saturday night and more conducive to partying. Daddy always feels guilty leaving me and my brother Kaegogi home alone. So, he, of course, took us on all the errands he had to run just so he could spend time with us. I don't mind riding in the car because it means that, every so often, daddy will let us out and explore new territory -- like a nearby park or a shopping center parking lot. Daddy loves to listen to his iPod. Frankly, I'd like some variation in his playlist. For the last month, he's been playing showtunes. Okay, we get it, dad. You're gay. We love you and accept you. But, if I have to hear "Gooch's Song" from "Mame" one more time, I'm gonna scream. I'm more of your 70s singer-songwriter gal...you know, Carole King, James Taylor, Joni Mitchell and all. Kaegogi, however, loves techno and trance, which totally gets on my nerves. But, you gotta love your brother, don't you?

Well, that's about it for now. Daddy's gotta get ready for the party soon. Thanks for stopping by and reading.