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Diary of a Goofball Princess

Holiday Etiquette For Dogs

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:
- don't pee on the tree
- don't drink water in the container that holds the tree
- mind your tail when you are near the tree
- if there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
- don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:
- not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans
- don't eat off the buffet table
- beg for goodies subtly
- be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa
- don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:
- observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important)
- respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house
- tolerate children
- turn on your charm big time

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night.
DO NOT BITE HIM!!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

Definitions For Rottweilers

LEASH: A strap which attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want them to go.

DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guest room or the newly upholstered couch in the living room.

DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.

SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dog's rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop. This can also be done to human's crotches.

GARBAGE CAN: A container which your neighbors put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.

BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes, and you prance away.

DEAFNESS: This is a malady which affects dogs when their person want them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.

THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.

WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old candy wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.

BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of coffee or tea.

GOOSE BUMP: A manoeuvre to use as a last resort when the Regular Bump doesn't get the attention you require..... especially effective when combined with The Sniff. See above.

LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. If not, you can always sniff their crotches.

I've just been tagged by my buddy Jake!

I have been tagged by my buddy Jake who was tagged by his gorgeous galpup Abby!

OK, here's da rulez:

Tell 7 random facts about yourself.

Post these facts & the game rulez in your diary.

Then tag 5 dogs (don't forget to list their names) who must tell 7 random facts about themselves. Let these dogs know they've been tagged by sending them a Paw-mail or rosette.

OK ... here's 7 facts about me ...

1. I love to take naps anywhere in da house, so long as it's on a human bed.

2. One of my fav toys ... any big cardboard box that I can shred to bits and play tug wif my bros

3. I love to go on car rides wif my skin pawrents

4. I like Mommy stroking my paws - but I will NOT let anyone get near my nails. That's a NO-NO!

5. I love to cuddle up with Momma on the couch late at night after I'm done pestering bof my Mom and Dad wif playing ball games :) (I fink I wear dem out!).

6. I love to sit in front of my Momma, stare at her and den lick her face and her neck while she cuddles me and strokes my face.

7. I love meeting people (altho I'm more cautious than bof my bros when new people come around - it takes me longer to let them pet me) - but when I've checked them out for a bit, I enjoy all the attention and I give it right back to dem!

Thank you Jake for tagging me :)

OK, I'm gonna tag:
Oso, Max, Belle, Goofball Mavredes the First, Charlie

OK everyone...YOU'RE IT!!! Lets have some fun!!!!!!!!!!!!