February 13th 2010 12:56 am
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I'm slowly realizing that I've been putting my head in the sand for the past 6 or 7 weeks. Playing ostrich. I didn't want to cry anymore. It hurt too much. So I just went numb. Occasionally, the tears would come flying out, like someone opened the flood gates, but I managed to close them quickly.
I realize that I wasn't grieving, I was stopping myself from grieving.
I didn't put up the "Abby with Wings" images that Autumn and Putter and Hunter's pawrents had so lovingly made for us. I didn't want to go to Dogster, because then I'd have to think about Abby and cry some more. I didn't want to write a single word more for my book, 'cos it was too painful.
I forgot that tears are cleansing, that they need to come out, and that they will come out sooner or later (sometimes when you least expect them).
We miss you AbberDabbers, - you're forever in our hearts, and we know that you have oodles of Dogster pals to play with at TRB.
We've started barking whenever the doorbell rings, in your memory, girl.
Thanks to all our Dogster friends for their loving support. We proudly display "Abby with Wings". Thanks Autumn, Thanks Putter, Thanks Hunter. I hope we can give back love and support just like all the love we've received. And I hope I've learned that crying is Good!
December 24th 2009 4:33 pm
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Today was a sad day for Dawn. She got Abby as a pup on Christmas Eve. So we sat and watched our video a couple or ten times :-) and just bawled together. It's been a strange month. We light candles all the time for Abby, and we still have her bed in the same place with all her squeaky toys. We just can't bear to take it away right now. And Dawn still barks every time the doorbell rings, to replace the Abby bark that isn't there any more. I've just put a wall some of the time, 'cos it hurts so much to cry. But I know that letting the tears flow is the best thing to do. And here they come again.
December 8th 2009 12:09 am
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I picked up Abby's ashes this evening from the Vet's office. On the way back home, I opened the window on the passenger side 'cos Abby always loved to put her nose out and let the wind just rush all over her face. When she got diagnosed with the osteosarcoma, the Vet said it wouldn't be good to take Abby for walks anymore , because it would put too much pressure on her leg (front), so I used to take her for a drive in the car every day. I guess this was our last drive together.
I know she's found lots of new friends at The Rainbow Bridge and I know she's not in pain anymore. And we miss her so much. There's no-one to bark when someone is at the front door, and there's no waggy tail in the mornings. And there's so many tears - I don't know where they all come from.
I haven't been able to go to Dogster until today, but I saw so many wonderful messages and so much love and support. It really does mean so much to us. Thank you.
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