Say What? I'm Celo!

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ANOTHER SISTER!!!! SHEESH!!!!

July 14th 2013 8:07 pm
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Hi friends.

I don't know if I'll ever get my diary caught up. Things just keep getting screwier around here.

These humans just brought home another sister -- a crazy little beagle sister this time. She just arrived last week.

I was just getting used to having a bossy big sister.

And now I have a bossy little sister. Oh, she's very bossy. If I'm in her path, if I'm just lying quietly in the hallway, napping, minding my own business, she barks at me loudly (actually she bays a beagle bay, which is much worse. And what's up with that? Zamboni and Meri never bayed like that. It's the craziest sound I've ever heard.)

Mom says she does that because the first day she was here, I bumped her with my fatty butt, and that scared her. I'm 90 lbs and she weighs 18 lbs. Itza says I bumped her into next week. I don't really know what that means, but it's kind of funny, isn't it? I kind of thought I wouldn't see Carmen until next week, but she's still here.

So I think Itza was wrong. But it's still something funny to say, and I can hope for it. Maybe I need to bump Carmen a little harder with my rear next time.

Anyhow, so now, every time I'm in her way, she yells at me. A tiny little beagle dog (tinier than Meri, who is quite small) YELLS at me. How's that for disrespectful?

Mom says she's here forever too. She's Meri's niece. So she definitely is family. Meri says she is a Little Beagle Princess, so she is not only here, but we have to be respectful. Swell.

In case you're not counting, that's THREE sisters. And me. No brothers. No other boys. Just me and three bossy girls.

I'm starting to think my humans hate me.

Someone come get me. Please?

Pleeeeeeeeeezzzzzeeeeee?

 

That Which We Call A Rose Is Still Delicious

February 6th 2013 3:57 pm
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So we all got new nicknames.

Meri insisted on it.

Mom has been calling Itza “Itza Pizza” because it perfectly rhymes. I have to admit: it’s pretty catchy.

But Meri, being a beagle, demanded her own food nickname because if there’s anything having to do with food, beagles have to be involved.

So Mom thought and thought. And then she thought and thought some more. And she told Mer that her food nickname would be BurgerMerster, MersterBurger. She explained that there is a TV show about the Burgermeister and he is in charge of everything in town. So with this nickname, Meri gets to be in charge of everything, but especially burgers, including, Mom said, cheeseburgers, which are Mer’s favorite.

Meri was very pleased.

Mom said that she had to think some more about my nickname. So she has been. Mom finally came up with a couple of options. She said that since I have been making excellent decisions in my training, I can make the final decision.

I really feel great about that.

My options are

Hero Celo, after the super meaty cheesy sandwich and the fact that I am everyone’s hero (which is, in fact, true. Everyone admires me).

Celo Gyro, which she didn’t think a lot of, but it kind of rhymes.

Celo Playdough, which rhymes really well, and Mom admitted to me that when she was a really little kid, she would sample Playdough, which is very salty. Mom thinks I’m a rather salty chap. So she likes this option. It does sound cool. Also, I like to play a lot, and I think if I had dough, I could buy more toys and snacks.

So I’ve been thinking about it. I wikipedia’d Playdough, and I realized that Mom probably shouldn’t have been eating that stuff, even as a little kid. It’s kind of like when I used to eat dirt when I was a puppy. It's not really good for you.

Then I wikipedia’d Gyro. They’re from Greece and made with lamb and yogurt, two of my favorite foods. I’ve never had pita bread, but Meri says it’s delicious. It’s a little pocket that you put all your favorite food in, like I put all my favorite toys and chews in the back yard (where Mom says, “sheeeze, Celo. Why is all your stuff out here again?”) So Gyros are kind of like having a backyard full of lamb and yogurt. I’ve never been to Greece, but it has lots of beaches. I LOVE the beach, with its big birds to chase, all the water to swim in, the sand to dig as deep as possible (without the humans saying “no digs, Celo!”), and the delicious dead fish and old shells that I roll on top of until I smell like a wonderful fish dinner.

I think that Gyro Celo is a perfect name for me.

In fact, I think 2013 is going to be the Celo’s Gyro of Great Things.

Ha! Get it?

I need to go tell the BurgerMerster my new pun. She’ll love it (she’ll roll her eyes. That’s how I know she loves my puns and jokes).

Talk to you later,

Gyro Celo.

 

Weighing In

January 27th 2013 12:04 pm
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Meri says I have to add this: apparently, I now weigh 87 lbs and not 80 lbs. So they're right. I don't know my own size.

But Itza only weighs 30 lbs, combine that with Meri's 20 lbs, that's only 50 lbs. That means they could still get another 37 lb dog from the pound.

I would like a little brother to play with.

I'm going to tell Mom. I'm sure she'll agree that's reasonable. Don't you?

 

It Gets Worse

January 27th 2013 11:58 am
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So I suppose I should interrupt catching you up on last year’s events to tell you my horrible news. It’s truly horrible. You should probably sit.

I have a new sister. Not only that. I have a new OLDER sister. And she seems to think that she can boss me around too.

It’s miserable. I’m miserable. Miserablest ever.

Well, that’s what I tell Mom and Dad to get extra cheese anyhow.

Mom’s been looking for a beagle friend to hang out with Meri because Mer wanted someone her size. I weigh 80 lbs. Meri weighs 20 lbs. Apparently, I don’t know my size (although I just told you I weigh 80 lbs right? So I do know my own size). So they wanted to get Meri someone she can wrestle with that is her weight. Well, if that’s the case, they should get three more beagles. Then there will be 80 lbs of beagle vs. me.

Or better yet, a cute 60 lb. female German Shepherd. Perfect, right?

I don’t know why don’t they don’t just ask me.

Anyhow, so they went to the pound (where, of course, you buy dogs by the pound) to get the beagle friend for Meri. She met her new beagle friend and liked her. And suddenly, there was another boardroom in our car with a dog in it. I didn’t even get to meet her! Meri gets veto power, but me? I’m chopped liver, I guess!

Chopped liver… Mmmmmm! Delicious!

Oh, sorry. I got distracted.

Anyhow, so we got home, and the new girl went into the kitchen behind the baby gates. She barked at me whenever I walked by. She was making it clear that she is older than me; in fact, she’s older than Meri, so she is definitely the boss of me.

I didn’t like that, so I barked back at her.

Mom told us both to be quiet and I had to go to my boardroom.

That happened a couple of times this week. Probably, if I had listened to Mom when she said “Celo, Leave it” that would have avoided the whole situation. But if you have a big sister, you know how hard it is when she carps on you.

Carp. Oh, I do like fish. Speaking of which, Mom grilled us some wild halibut this week. I think she was trying to butter me up because of the new big sister thing. If she really wanted to butter me up, she would have put butter on my grilled halibut, right?

Oh, sorry, distracted again.

Anyhow. So it turns out that my sister, Ixtapa, is not a beagle. She doesn’t sniff the ground ever. Mom thinks she is part Australian Shepherd.

I thought I would like having another Shepherd in the house, especially since I have never been to Australia. But she is also terrier – a special kind of terrier call Parson Russell terrier. This is a special kind of terrier because it used to be called Jack Russell terrier. I read that on Wikipedia. It doesn’t say on Wikipedia, but I’ve decided that the reason that they changed the name is because Jack Russell terriers are too outrageous. The name was changed to protect the naughty, just like they say on TV.

So, we’ve been having to do what Mom calls "slow introductions." We go on walks together, which is fine because she’s part of my pack (whether I like it or not) and that’s what packs do.

In the back yard, she and Meri hunt for critters while I play Jolly Ball. In the house, we’re still separated, which is good because Itza is very bossy and thinks she can tell me where in the house I can go. So she stays in the kitchen and her bedroom and I get the rest of the house.

Meri is mad about the kitchen now being blocked off because Meri likes cruising the kitchen for crumbs, but hey, that’s not my problem. Besides, Meri is the one that wanted a friend.

I was perfectly happy the way things were before I had two big sisters to boss me around. But apparently, my life has changed forever and no one ever asked me my opinion about anything.

Swell, huh?

 

WA Dog in CA

January 24th 2013 1:21 pm
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So, as you probably figured out, we moved.

Well, we didn’t move exactly, as we later figured out. We still have our perfectly wonderful house in Washington. Mom and Dad said that if we skip extra treats, toys, and many of our training classes, we can keep our old house, which is lucky for the squirrels that live in our yard because I know they miss Meri and me very much.

Well, I’m not sure that’s true. Every time we go back home, it’s clear that the squirrels are taking advantage and getting arrogant, thinking that THEY own our yard. They are always very surprised when we arrive and chase them back up the trees. We then argue for about 30 minutes. They yell at us that they’re taking good care of our yard, so we need to respect their contribution. We tell them that they are lucky that we’re still letting them live in our yard. They chatter at us. We bark at them. They scurry. We chase. It gets pretty heated. And it happens every time.

Besides, the squirrels aren’t taking care of our house. We have a human that does that for us while we’re gone. He lives in our house when we’re not there and keeps it all perfect for us. It’s nice because when we get there, the grass is always perfectly mowed for rolling around on the grass; and everything is exactly like we like it. He even leaves the heat on, so that the house is warm for Meri. All we have to do is go to Costco, get some fresh food, and we’re all set.

So the squirrels can just go eat nuts!

Meanwhile, we live in California part of the year, especially the winter part of the year. So while it’s wet and rainy in Washington right now, we have cold but wonderful sunny weather right now. I love cold weather, so this is the most excellent situation for me. In the months when it gets hot (I don’t like hot weather), we go back home. And as Mom says, there is nothing more beautiful than Washington State during the spring and summer.

We actually drive back and forth, depending on the weather, the humans’ schedules, that sort of thing. I still see Sir Jin, Dr B and all my normal vets, so we drive up to Washington whenever I need to see my doctors.

It’s a good gig, especially since I like to travel. Of course, I always nicely ask if I can have an Arby’s. But since we’re on a strict budget, I usually have to share an inexpensive McDonald’s cheeseburger with Meri. The good thing is that Meri now gets carsick when we drive through the twisty mountains of Oregon, so she only gets a teeny piece of cheese from the cheeseburger, and I get the rest. But Mom makes her these ginger cookies that help her with her carsickness. So Meri misses her burger and she complains about the burger thing, but not too much because her spicy ginger cookies are delicious.

In general, I do miss my training sessions and I know Meri misses the extra treats, although she’s lost a bit of weight (which is a good thing, but don’t tell her I said that!). But we all have to tighten our collars to make this situation work, you know?

That’s what you do when you’re a family. You sacrifice for the good of everyone else.

Too bad the stupid squirrels don’t understand this. They’re just selfish. We should kick them out of the family, especially now that we have two houses with two different sets of squirrels, and they’re all selfish and demanding. They just don’t act much like family members. As some guy on TV once said, “You’re either with us, or you’re against us;” and the squirrels aren’t acting like they’re with us. So I say, we kick them out.

I need to talk to Mom about that.

 

Changing Times....

January 18th 2013 11:46 am
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I’ve been in a cheesy mood, and getting on Mom’s nerves, so she suggested that I write in my diary. She said, “I pay for that darn diary, Celo. If you don’t use it, I’ll get rid of the account.”

Wow. Such a stickler.

Anyhow, my cheesy mood is The Most Clever Thing Ever --except Mom figured it out. If I bark at dogs at our back fence, Mom calls at me to come into the house, which I usually run as fast as I can to her. She gives me cheese for a “good recall” and tells me I’m a good boy. So being a genius, I figured I’d just run out to the fence, bark a little, run into the house, give Mom a cheesy grin and she’d give me some cheese.

It worked exactly twice. Maybe it wasn’t the Most Clever Thing Ever, but just sort of the Kind of Clever Thing That Gets You Two Pieces of Cheese.

So, now I’m writing you a diary.

Happy New Year again.

I really have a lot to tell you. Last year was just wild, so I’ll try to tell you everything in order, if I can keep my brain in order myself.

The last thing I told you was that we woke up on Christmas LAST year in the motorden, right? We were on vacation?

Except we weren’t. We kept going south, to California. That night, we got to somewhere that even Meri had never been before (not Grandma’s house and not her breeder’s house), and Mom and Dad brought us into a house that looked a lot like our old house: it had boxes EVERYWHERE. But it also had our beds, our water bowls, our basket of toys, our boardrooms, and even treats.

It seemed like a nice place.

Dad showed Mom around the place with us on leashes. Then we got to be off leash in the house. The house has two long hallways that are perfect for zooming. There is a big bedroom and some teeny ones. Meri saw one with Zamboni’s old thick bed (with a ton of blankets on top) in it, and she said that she would like that to be her room while we’re staying here. I guess this is like a private hotel. I hope it has egg and bacon breakfast every day like the Holiday Inn express. I really like that!

To go outside, we had to go back on leash. The outside had something dangerous called “Skunk.” Mom kept saying, “be careful there are no Skunk!” to Dad.

Meri and I thought maybe Skunk was like the explosions and rockets we see on TV all the time.

So we pottied in that yard at night, and we all slept on Mom and Dad’s bed. I’m not sure how Mom and Dad’s bed got there, or why a hotel would not just use their own beds, like usual. But Mer and I sniffed it for a very long time, and it was definitely our bed.

The next morning, we went outside with Dad and checked out the yard. Dad said it was our yard. That’s nice. I never much liked sharing hotel yards with other dogs. Dad didn’t say where the Skunk rockets were set up. We didn’t see them, but we could smell something weird and chemical. They must be hidden. What kind of hotel is this, anyhow?

This place did have a squirrel. He wasn’t OUR squirrel. He is skinny and gray with a long skinny tail, not fat and brown with a bushy tail. But he is shifty and dastardly. So I’m sure they are brothers. Besides, they both run down the fence and up and around the trees exactly the same. They both yell obscenities at me for chasing them. Same squirrel tactics. So they clearly went to the same Squirrel Academy.

Later that day, Mom loaded us up into the car. She said we had to go to Costco. And sure enough, it looked just like Costco. But it wasn’t any of our usual Costcos from Washington. She came out with so much food and stuff that by the time the cart was empty, my car boardroom was buried in Costco stuff, and Meri said hers was too.

And then Mom said, “Ok kids, let’s go home.” But she only drove about 10 minutes, not the hours and hours it took us to get to California.

We went back to that private hotel with the skinny squirrels and invisible skunk rockets in the back yard.

Once Meri and I were unburied from the Costco stuff, we just looked at each other. “HOME”? Mom said “HOME?”

 

Ok! I'm Back!

January 19th 2012 3:29 pm
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Well, I'm not back, like back at home, but I'm back here working on my diary. I have so much to tell you, my friends. I haven't had a computer that works. Mom says that it's the Cable Company's fault. Normally, I'd just think that she's just making stuff up, but she has been on the phone for HOURS with the Cable Company, even when I'm at the door, pawing on my Potty Bells, and whining, "Mom, I gotta go NOW!"

It has been very difficult, to say the least. But the computer is working again, and here I am. First, I'd like to say a belated Happy New Year to all my friends.

And Merry Christmas. Sheesh! I didn't even get to tell you about my Christmas! It was the day before Christmas, and Dad came home. That was a great gift because Dad had been spending a lot of time at work. I mean, a LOT, like days and weeks. This was new and I didn't like it one bit. But he came home and I was very happy. Mom had already started packing up the MotorDen, so it was obvious that we were going to go away for Christmas, just like I thought. I'm pretty smart sometimes, aren't I?

But she and Dad took forever to get everything packed up. And then, she started to clean the house. What was THAT? Usually, when we go camping and on vacation, they put out the garbage and Mom cleans all the dishes and wipes the counters. But this time, she cleaned the refrigerator, washed the floors and did all sorts of stuff. So I jumped on the bed and messed it all up. I mean, I dug and dug on the blankets. I was excited and I just wanted to tell them that it's ok if the house is a little bit messy, let's go on our Christmas trip!

So after hours and hours, the house was clean; the MotorDen was packed; and Mom put Meri and me in our crates in her car. What? I thought we were going on a vacation???

But when she backed out of the driveway, Dad drove the MotorDen right behind us. So I guess we were taking two cars. That happened once when Grandma and Grandpa flew up to Washington and we all went camping together. So I fell asleep because I didn't know how far away the campground would be. But based on all that packing and cleaning, I guessed that we would be gone for a while, so it must be kind of far.

I woke up when I smelled water. I thought we were there, because we almost always camp by lakes and rivers. But actually, we were just crossing the Columbia River and crossing into Portland. So I admired the view from that super tall bridge and then I went back to sleep. We stopped for a few potty breaks here and there. And Meri and I got some cheeseburgers, which was considerate. But mostly, I slept. I guess that messing up the bed left me more worn out than I realized. The drive was relaxing. Mom was playing Christmas Carols. Dad had given her walkie-talkie radios, so they talked back and forth now and then, which was comforting. I didn't listen to their conversation very much. They were just doing that human small talk stuff, which frankly, is kind of boring. I only like it when they talk about me, or vacations, or food. And they weren't doing any of that. So they bored me in that comfortable way.

I did consider that it would be nice if Meri and I had barkie-barkie radios, though. I wondered if Santa would bring us some for Christmas. I was going to ask Mom if she thought so. But I dozed off again.

Finally, I felt the car pull off the freeway. I always wake up when the car slows down because that's when interesting things start to happen. I recognized where we were almost immediately. It's a campground, but there's a park next to it. We've camped there a couple times, but the park is a nice place to stretch our legs and potty. So we stop there every time we drive to California. There are also geese and ducks there. So it's also a nice place to grab a goose poop snack if no one notices, but they usually do. And frankly, they tend to overreact. Meri loves to go there and try to chase ducks -- except she's always on leash. Or maybe, that's WHY she's always on a leash?

Anyway, back to my story. It was really late at night. And it was Christmas Eve. Mom said that we were spending the night there.

I was very happy. I recognized the park, so I was certain that Santa would know where we were. They set up the MotorDen, which had way more stuff in it than usual. I didn't see why we needed that much stuff. But humans like stuff, what can I say?

They fed us and made the bed. Since I missed Dad because he had been gone so much, I smashed myself between him and Mom. And for some reason, Mom let me.

But I don't know if you know much about MotorDens. Ours is actually small. The bed is tiny. So I got really hot between those two hot humans. So I laid on top of Dad. I figured he couldn't slip away again if I were on top of him. And this way, I could still see Santa when he came. It was perfect.

Well, it turns out that dads are very lumpy and not comfortable. But I must have fallen asleep anyhow. Because when I woke up in the morning, Santa had come and I never saw him!

We totally forgot to hang up our stockings, but Santa left me some of my very favorite squeaky toys, a couple of stuffy toys, and some chews anyhow. He left them in little piles on the counter top. I must have been very good, because I got a lot of nice things. Meri got some good stuff too, including some fluffy warm blankets that match her fur, which she always loves.

And Mom and Dad were there and smiling. In fact, they looked happier than they have in a long time. And we were on vacation. It was a very Merry Christmas!

 

An update

December 22nd 2011 8:00 pm
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Mom fed me dinner.

My thigh still hurts.

Mom is still being nice to me. But she's busy washing everything in the house. Everything, including all the throw rugs, all the towels, our stuffy toys, the floors, the stove. Everything. There isn't a lot left in our house, just the basic stuff we need to live. But she's washing all of it.

I need to lie low. Otherwise, she might want to wash ME too. So I figured I'd just lie here and type quietly, so I don't attract her attention, you know?

This went from being a day with a lot of potential to potentially a terrible day -- if I end up getting tossed in the bathtub.

I think I'm going to go hide out in my boardroom until bedtime.

Goodnight everyone.

Your friend,

Celo.

 

Trouble!

December 22nd 2011 6:22 pm
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Ooooooooh! I got in trouble today!

Big trouble! Not naughtiness, but Mom-is gonna-kill-me trouble.

She was doing her human stuff that said to me that we were going somewhere. Now Mom didn't say I got to go with her. I just assumed that. She stands in the little room with the bright lights and the big water bowl that I'm not allowed to drink out of, and she brushes her fur and her teeth. She also puts cream on her face and sprays stinky stuff on her fur, and that means we're going somewhere. When she doesn't put cream on her face and spray the stinky stuff, it means we're staying at home. See? That's the difference.


So I figured that maybe we were going to go to Sir Jin's office for my water tank jogging. I was pretty excited because I like to see my friends there. Actually, it doesn't matter where we go, because I always get excited. But I get more excited when I think I'm might get to see my friends.

So maybe, I was a little wild already.

Then Mom put my leash on me and said I needed to go potty. So she booped the Larm and opened the door. It was icy outside. I could see my breath and all the grass was white. When I go potty on days like this, it's always steamy.

And RIGHT THEN, the squirrel (whom I hate) ran right across my deck, right UNDER my nose! And I lunged and ran after him.

I guess when I lunged, I jerked the leash out from Mom's hand, because there was no Mom on the other end of my leash. After 6 weeks of having Mom permanently attached to me, I was free!

I ran all the way across the yard, chasing that squirrel. He climbed the tree, so I tried to climb it too. I didn't get very far up (I never do). So I jumped up and down on my hind legs trying to make myself taller (that never works). Then the squirrel dropped on to the fence and ran on the top of the fence the length of the yard. So I chased after him. He climbed the other tree, so I tried to climb that tree too. I still couldn't climb trees (you have to admire my persistence, though, don't you?). So I did my usual hopping to see if I could somehow catch the squirrel.

Didn't work.

What DID work is that I made Mom mad. Furious. She was SCREAMING at me. Not reprimanding me. Not yelling. SCREAMING!!!!

She kept screaming: Stop! NO! Your hip! Celo. Down! Oh Gosh! Your hip!

I didn't really hear her at first. All I heard was the squirrel laughing at me, mocking me because I haven't been able to do anything for the last six weeks because of my hip replacement surgery.

But after I had hopped up and down unsuccessfully for a while, her voice started to trickle in. And she was freaked out. I don't think I've ever heard Mom so freaked out. I got worried.

So when I heard her say, "Down," I lay down.

She grabbed the leash, and took me back into the house. She never gave me the chance to potty. I think that was pretty cruel.

I went into my boardroom. I'm no fool.

She sat for a while. She wasn't mad anymore. She looked like she was about ready to cry. First, I've never seen Mom mad like this. Second, I've never seen Mom go from being mad to sad that quickly. It kind of scared me.

She then asked me to trot down the hall, then come back, then go down the hall, then come back. She did this a bunch of times. Then she put Meri outside, into her boardroom and we left.

Mom was very quiet.

When we got to Sir Jin's office, I didn't get to go right into the water tank and jog. I had to wait and wait. They talked about the fact that Sir Jin is on vacation, and Mom wanted someone else to take a look at me: another Sir Jin, she said, which made no sense to me, because there is only one Sir Jin.

Finally, my rehab vet, Dr. J took me back. She and another doctor did a total exam on me, just like the one Sir Jin did on me last week. They made me walk around, then trot around, then lie down and they felt my hip, then moved my leg and scrunched my legs around, and all that stuff. It was EXACTLY like Sir Jin did last week. It seemed totally pointless. After all, Sir Jin just told Mom that I was great and he didn't need to see me for two months.

I don't even know this other doctor. I don't know why he got to do this exam on me. It seemed very intrusive and very unnecessary. The worst part is that when he moved my leg a certain way, it kind of hurt. Sir Jin didn't do that to me. I didn't like this guy.

Then I got to go into the water tank and jog. Finally!

When we got home, Mom talked to Dad and pushed the button so I could hear the conversation, which she does when it's about me. She told Dad about how I chased the squirrel. He didnt say much. He didn't ask if I caught the squirrel. He didn't say he thought it was charming or cute, or anything. He just listened. She told him about the ridiculous exam that Dr. J and the other doctor did. She said that I didn't do any damage to my bone or the implant, but it appears that I may have pulled a muscle in my thigh because it was tender when they did the exam.

I was surprised when she said that. So the doctors didn't do that? That was an injury from my chasing the squirrel? That doesn't make sense. I've chased squirrels all my life, and have never hurt myself -- except for the time I twisted my ankle; and the time I tweaked my toe; and the time that I banged my head on the shed because I was watching the squirrel on the fence instead of watching where I was going. But other than those times, I've never hurt myself chasing squirrels.

Dad said that maybe hurting myself doing a boneheaded move like that might just teach me a lesson. Mom said, "Yeah. Sure." She wasn't being genuine, though. I could tell.

I think she is still mad at me. She hasn't said anything else. She's being really nice again. But something isn't right. Dad asked if she's still upset, and she said "No, I'm ok." But I don't think she was genuine when she said that either.

So that's where I am right now. I have a Mom that's mad at me. My thigh muscle kind of hurts. Dad thinks that I'm a bonehead. It's dinner time and I'm kind of afraid to say anything.

That stupid squirrel. This is all his fault. Next time I see him, I'm going to chase him down and....

Aw darn. See? Dad was right. I AM a bonehead.

 

Doga

December 19th 2011 4:06 pm
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So now I have to do Yoga.

I already do stretching. Lots of it. Mom makes me do play bows and forward stretches every single morning. I have to do three bows and three stretches every morning before she lets me go outside.

It's terribly cruel. Mom says she does it because she doesn't want me to go straight from my warm bed in the warm house straight into the freezing cold. She says that stretching warms up my muscles. I think she's making that up. My muscles are ALREADY warm. After all, I'm coming out of a WARM BED! But no. And you know how Mom is.

I used to argue with her. And the door stayed closed. So now I just bow. Stretch. Bow. Stretch. Bow. Stretch. And I get to go outside. And I've really learned not to wait until I super duper have to wait to pee before I get out of bed. I need to give myself some buffer time or I might explode.

Mom says that since I'm an adult, I shouldn't wait until the last possible second anyhow. But I'm only two. I think that officially, as a German Shepherd, I get a little wiggle room on that "adult" stuff. But again, there's no arguing with Mom.

But back to yoga. I've been scratching my sides a lot. I've also been chewing my hip, and one of my armpits. Mom said that means that my muscles are tight. I think it means I'm just itchy. But what do I know? Itchy, uncomfortable, tight. It all feels the same to me. It just means I feel the need to scratch and chew.

Mom says tight muscles. Ok. That's what Mom says. So she said she thinks that maybe I'm working too hard at rehab in the jogging water tank. But that's not it. I like working that hard. It's more exciting to jog than walk slowly. So she asked my rehab vet, Dr. J.

Actually, she didn't do that. She pinned a note to my harness. Yes, I know. How embarrassing! She said she was worried that she might forget to ask Dr. J. Thus the note. I was still humiliated to have a note from home pinned to me, like I'm a little kid going to kindergarten (After all, I graduated from all three of my puppy classes YEARS ago).

And Dr. J. gave Mom all sorts of stretches for me to do. They said it's like Yoga.

I was pretty excited. I've seen yoga on TV. I thought I would look good in stretchy comfy yoga pants, and I could do my bows and say "Namaste" to everyone in my yoga class. And there would be a nice yoga instructor who would walk around and say in a quiet voice, "yes. Celo. That's great." It would be great. I could probably be in the advanced class since I already know Downward Dog and Cat Stretch. And afterward, we can go to the juice store and I can get a muffin. I've never had a muffin. But I've seen people in yoga pants at the juice store, so I think you're supposed go there after yoga class.

But. Um. No.

Once again, Mom disappointed me. She said I would have to do the yoga at home. With her.

No yoga pants. No "Namaste." No nice instructor encouraging me.

And Mom will probably make me do ALL of it before I go outside to pee.

I think I'll just stay in bed all day and scratch my sides and chew my armpit. Without muffins, it doesn't seem like the effort to get out of bed is worth it.

 
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Celestún, CGC


 

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