Here’s a funny take on a story I bet most Dogsters know VERY well — dogs in our beds!

I will take exception with that sleeping with old, big dogs though. Personally, I find that older dogs are more likely to sleep through the night. And I find their snoring quite comforting! Moreover, big dogs ARE a much better source of heat. Although Beatrice IS quite a toasty neck warmer…

And yes, you can drape large dogs around your head for warmth. Or should I say, they can drape themselves around your head for warmth. I know because I used to live with a large female Weimaraner, Karma was her name, who thought my head was an extension of the pillow. More than once I awoke to find her wrapped around (and sometimes over) my head.

This fun column is from The StarPress.com.

When sleeping with dogs, it’s best to go small
By JOHN CARLSON

With the way the temperatures have tumbled recently, I figure it’s time to publish my Winter Guide to Sleeping With Dogs for Warmth and Comfort.

First, I would advise against sleeping with big, old dogs.

I mean, my wife and I own a big, old dog, but I wouldn’t want to take a snooze with him. The bigger and older a dog is, after all, the smellier, weirder and, um, droolier he or she gets.

Sleep with a smelly, drooling, weird, old dog and chances are you’ll wake up with something bothering you in the middle of the night, sleepily lift an eyelid, then discover that mutt is standing over your side of the bed, staring like you are a giant Dog Yummy that he gets to eat as soon as you quit breathing.

I find it hard to relax with a dog like that.

That’s one reason I advise sleeping only with small, young dogs, like our miniature dachshund. Even if they go nuts and come after you, what are they going to do? Maul your ankles?

True, there’s a downside. Small dogs don’t give off heat like smelly, drooling, weird, old dogs do.

But at least it’s a dry heat, much like the heat in Arizona.

What’s more, being small dogs, they are much easier to move around under the blankets.

For example, say you have a miniature dachshund draped over your knees when you realize that your feet are getting chilly.

With little effort, you can just lift your knees, let the dachshund roll down your shin bones toward the foot of your bed, then slip your toes underneath it.

Try that with a large dog and you are liable to dislocate your kneecaps getting that mutt airborne.

Furthermore, canine psychology studies have shown that nine times out of 10, if a large dog suddenly wakes up balanced in mid-air on somebody’s kneecaps in the middle of the night, his first reaction will likely be to freak out and go into “Cujo-Kill-Master” mode.

That’s no way to guarantee you a good night’s sleep.

Another benefit: Small dogs are lots easier to pass around in bed.

“Honey,” you might say in the middle of the night. “My armpits are freezing. Could you hand me the miniature dachshunds, please?”

“Why certainly, dear,” she will answer, passing you the small dogs.

By simply sticking one under each arm, your pits will soon be toasty warm.

By the same token, if a half-hour later your wife wakes you up and says, “Darling, my ears are getting chilly,” it’s no problem for you to then remove the toasty dachshunds from your armpits and drape them over her head like a pair of snorting, twitchy earmuffs.

Just try doing that with a couple of rottweilers.

No, when it comes to sleeping in winter warmth and comfort, my advice is to get yourself some little dogs.

Besides, while they might not be as effective as an electric blanket, you don’t have to plug ’em in, either.

John Carlson is a features writer for The Star Press.