Dog hearing is four times better than human hearing, so if you puppy lovers think you know music, just imagine how sensitive canines are to the stuff.
With the Grammy Awards airing Monday on CBS, it’s about time the predictions went to the dogs. With that in mind, we asked Brutus, a music-savvy Old English Sheepdog on the Dogster team, to break down who he thinks should win the golden gramophone in each of five major categories.
Take it from here, Brutus.
First let me say to the artists and fans: If you have any problems with my picks, come over my fence and say it to my snout.
While Old English Sheepdogs like me appreciate Ed Sheeran’s pure shagginess, the record I heard on the car radio each and every time my humans took me for a ride last year was “Uptown Funk” by Mark Ronson and Bruno Mars. That song feels like a shoo-in for at least one trophy during Music’s Biggest Night. Also, it gets bonus points thanks to this East Bay SPCA Oaktown Pup parody video featuring shelter dogs:
And for the record, “Really Love” put me to sleep — and I already sleep like 14 hours a day.
Why would one want to pimp a butterfly? The only thing those insects are good for is adorably landing on a Beagle’s nose, which makes for a great photo op.
My pick, “1989,” was named for the year of country music superstar Taylor Swift’s birth. Among humans, this makes her adorably young. Among dogs, this makes her my great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother. Therefore, the old lady with the Golden Retriever hair color is due.
Ah, the puppies of the nominees! How cute!
In this litter, I’ve only heard of Meghan Trainor and Sam Hunt. I LOVE hunting, so you’d think this one would be easy. However, much like Shar-Peis, there’s another wrinkle: For some reason, my human stares at pictures of Tori Kelly on his lap-based typing machine all day. I’m not sure why, but it makes her a real contender in my mind.
Anyway, I did some more research into this group because you need to know what you’re getting into when picking a pup. It turns out that Meghan Trainor is “All About That Bass,” and I am too because a high treble really rattles my eardrums. She’s also all about her dog, Biggie, even bringing her into the studio. I’ll adopt her as winner.
We already gave Taylor a trophy, and “Blank Space” isn’t her best pop song off “1989” — so scratch her like an itch behind your ear.
Best Pop Solo Performance goes to The Weeknd because he spells exactly as well as I do. Plus, I get to go to the park on Saturdays and Sundays, which makes me appreciate the weekend.
This is the second time we’re seeing this Lamar fellow on the nominees list. Whatever happened to canine-named rappers, like Snoopy Doggy Dogg and Bow Wow? I liked those guys. Could be worse, though, I suppose — Cat Stevens or the Stray Cats could be nominated. Gross.
We had to go process of elimination on this one. For starters, “Ship to Wreck” makes me too anxious — I was never much of a water dog.
“See You Again” reminds me of when my master leaves for work every day, which makes me want to cry and paw at the door. Eliminated on principle.
And I don’t like “Bad Blood” because it sounds too much like “bad boy,” which normally means I don’t get cookies.
Speaking of treats, I like “Sugar,” even I’m not allowed to eat chocolate — my humans say it’s poison. Anyway, Adam Levine’s voice hits near-dog-whistle pitch, so I’m obediently picking him.
The 58th Annual Grammy Awards, hosted by LL Cool J, air Monday, February 15, at 8 p.m. ET on CBS.
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About the author: Tony Maglio is a writer/reporter based in Howell, New Jersey. He inherited a cat, Rory, when his now-wife moved in. Together, they adopted a kitten, Griswold, to be a little brother and friend. That backfired terribly, so now they’re planning to add more chaos via a rescue dog. Tony is a TV journalist for Hollywood trade magazine TheWrap and an alum of the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism. He was a freelance writer for five seasons of Saturday Night Live. Follow him on Twitter.