When your job is answering scores of questions every day via email, it doesn’t take long before you have actually written tens of thousands of emails. Conservative estimate: 50 e-mails per day for a total of 250 per week x 50 weeks (I’m allowed a two-week vacation!) x 8 years = 100,000 e-mails. Even allowing that a good number of the responses are template based, we’re still talking serious numbers. Is it any wonder I sometimes get a little, well, goofy?
A few days ago, a Dogster reader asked a pretty straightforward question and signed off as a “literate” pet. Now, this person was having some fun, writing to Customer Support as their “pet author” instead of a human. And don’t I do the same? My standard signature is “Watch Dog,” sometimes embellished with “your friendly neighborhood watch dog,” to go along with our original corporate mantra: “Where no one knows you’re human.”
Anyway, the next thing you know, since I’m writing to a “literate” pet, I decide I should raise the bar a little, and I added the following “quote” to the e-mail:
A fool’s brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence canine obedience schools. — George Bernard Paw
That was the proverbial push to take me down the silly road of furry philosophy. Here are the ones I’ve come up with so far, in no particular order or supposed hierarchy of relevance. They are what they are. I hope you have as much fun reading them as I did writing them.
Genius is one percent inspiration, ninety-nine percent being a dog. — Pawmas Alva Edison
Ask not what your dog can do for you, but what you can do for your dog. — John F. Caninedy
Speak softly and throw a good stick. — Teddy Arooosevelt
Never ask for whom the ball is thrown; it is thrown for thee. — John Dognne
Nearly all dogs can stand adversity, but if you want to test a dog’s character, give him a bone. — Abraham Löwchen (Lincoln)
The paw is mightier than the sword. — Edward Bulldog-Lytton
To nap, or not to nap: that is the question. — William Schnauzerspeare
Cats should be seen and not heard. — W.C. Field Spaniel
Okay, those are my contributions of furry (or maybe it should be fuzzy) philosophy. Give me your best canine convictions, dog doctrines, and pooch philosophy. You know you can do it. Find a quote by someone famous, tweak it into a canine version of quote and author, and post it in the comments section. Have fun and make Sigmund Fido proud!
May the furrce be with you. — Yowlda
Til next week, best woofs.