Research shows that dogs react to human music. In fact, a 2012 study at Colorado State University found that kenneled dogs spent more time sleeping when exposed to classical music and became shaky when listening to heavy metal tunes. I’m not discounting the importance of that — or any other — data, which might make a difference in the lives of our canine friends, I just want to be silly for a couple of minutes. Please release all sense of reality and seriousness and go there with me.
I recently considered what music I’d find on a feline playlist. The thought of cats rockin’ out to their favorite songs sent me into giggle fits. Then the image of a pug with earbuds flashed into my mind, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Of course, I had to write a companion piece about a doggie playlist, right? So here we go: Here are 10 songs we might find on a dog’s iPod music playlist, as explained by a dog. Please note, these choices are based on song title only; there are no hidden meanings in the lyrics.
1. “Urge for Going” by Joni Mitchell
When we’re on a walk, and I see another dog pee, I suddenly feel the urge to go too … right on top of where the other dog went. That is, after a nice thorough sniff of the target area. Now my pee wins.
2. “Stand by Your Man (or Woman)” by Tammy Wynette
Don’t worry — I’m still here. Can you feel me beside you, leaning against your legs? I just don’t want you to think I’m going anywhere. Gotta go to the bathroom? No worries, I’ll come along.
3. “My Humps” by Black Eyed Peas
My favorite humps: the sofa pillows, your favorite cozy fleece blanket, and your mother-in-law — you know the one who jumps and says bad words when I shove my wet nose in her crotchial region? She’s the best. When is she coming over again?
4. “How Deep Is Your Love” by Bee Gees
Cheeseburger wrappers, two-week-old chicken stir-fry leftovers, pizza crusts … please don’t let this magical buffet come to an end. How deep is the love in that kitchen garbage can? I hope it’s forever deep. I know you were mad when you had to chase my tomato saucy lips through the house, trying to retrieve the crushed pizza box from my teeth, but it was totally worth it. Totally.
5. “Walk On” by U2
You humans always seem so busy, rushing around the house with laundry baskets and piles of papers. I know I’m lying in the middle of the hallway, but I’m tired and don’t plan on going anywhere anytime soon. Keep stepping over me and walk on … I promise not to laugh if you trip. In fact, I might not even wake up.
6. “I Got Stripes” by Johnny Cash
I got stripes and they’re blue, green, and pink. And they’re on your underwear that I’ve dug from the hamper and dropped on the floor in front of your fancy dinner party guests. I know your new boyfriend is at the party, but shouldn’t he know up front you wear granny panties?
7. “Try Not to Breathe” by R.E.M
I know you don’t like my breath after I’ve just had an afternoon snack from the cat’s litter box. I don’t understand the big deal, but I’m about to jump in your lap and give you a face bath, so you might want to hold your breath. Just sayin’.
8. “We Can Work It Out” by the Beatles
Sharing a bed with you is no problem — we figure out the whole space thing. You see, I’ll start out at the end of the bed, and then as the night progresses, I’ll creep up beside you and, when you get up to go to the bathroom, I’ll stretch out a bit until I’ve taken over most of your side of the bed. I’ve saved you a little sliver on the edge — looks like the perfect size for you. Or you can move to the end of the bed. I promise to keep my butt, sort of, away from your face. See, we can work it out.
9. “Once Upon a Time” by the Pogues
Once upon a time, you were mad at me because you were trying to eat lunch quickly so you could run errands, and I stole your sandwich off the counter. Then I gave you “the look” — you know the one. Now I’m lying across your lap, and you’re scratching my belly and watching a Judge Judy marathon.
10. “It’s Oh So Quiet” by Bjork
False. You think you’re being stealthy when opening that block of cheese or unwrapping the sliced ham, but I hear you. And I’m a whole floor and three rooms away. Now toss me some of that cheddar.
What songs are on your dog’s music playlist and why? Tell us in the comments!