Would I Be Friends With My Dogs If They Were People? Probably Not

Hi, I’m Allison! Read my introduction to learn more about me and my three mixed-breed dogs from Thailand, Jelly, Lorraina, and Manic.

Dogs have always been seen as the ideal companions for people. While some breeds are mainly used as working dogs, their loyalty and dedication remain unmatched. People who have dogs as pets consider them family members and believe that if they were people, they would be best friends.

However, when I think about my dogs and their individual personalities, I really struggle to believe we would be best friends if they were people. To be honest, I don’t think I would like them at all.

Jelly: The Clingy Bestie Who Cannot Survive Without You

On the surface, Jelly seems like the perfect introverted friend. You know the ones I am talking about—the friend who does not want to go to a restaurant but would much rather get a pizza and binge-watch the latest TV series. Jelly would be the friend who would exercise with you out of love but is completely fine lounging in bed all day. She is not high-maintenance and has no embarrassing habits.

But since Jelly is a Velcro dog, she would be the clingy friend. A very clingy friend.

If Jelly were human, I could imagine her texting me every 10 minutes to ask me what I was doing. If I were to hang out with someone else for a few hours, she would make me feel guilty about it—maybe even start crying because I was ditching her and getting a new BFF. If Jelly and I were to go to a party or a bar, I know she would follow me continuously, even if I went to the restroom. She would also drop hints that she would want to go home after being out for 30 minutes.

Jelly, as a person, would need constant reassurance about your friendship but will still doubt your loyalty.

Lorraina: Always Looking for Trouble or a Fight

Lorraina is not a fan of other dogs. She was not like this when she was younger, but due to her small size, she got picked on by other dogs. This fueled her rage and made her distrustful of other dogs—no matter what size. She is wonderful with people, but if she sees another dog, she is going after them.

This would make having Lorraina as a friend very difficult. I can imagine us walking around, and if someone accidentally steps on her foot, she is going to punch them in the face without hesitation. If we would go to a bar and someone looked at her for too long, I bet she would grab the nearest beer bottle and smash them over the head. Lorraina would definitely be that person who would pull the fire alarm in a building or slip an unpurchased item into someone’s bag to set off the security alert at a store.

Legally, it would be unwise to have Lorraina as a friend.

Manic: Partying Like It Is 1999…All the Time

Manic is usually high-energy and is up for anything and everything! As long as it was not raining, he would spend the whole day outside, chasing chipmunks and squirrels, digging holes, and running around like crazy.

As a human friend, Manic would be up until the crack of dawn. He would be the type of person who shows up at your house at 10 pm and tells you about an underground party that is about to start. He would be the type of person who would do donuts in a parking lot or skinny dip in a neighbor’s pool. Manic would live life to the fullest at full volume.

If Manic got caught doing things he shouldn’t have, he would use his charm and looks to try to get out of the situation. He would flash a smile and run his fingers through his hair, saying things like, “Gee, I didn’t know how loud I was being” or “Gosh, I didn’t know what the speed limit was on this road.” But the next day, he was out again, running red lights, breaking into amusement parks, or doing keg stands.

Manic would be, simply put, too exhausting for me to befriend.

Do I Even Like My Dogs if I Don’t Want Them as Friends?

Of course. Without a question. I love each of my dogs and their personalities because they are dogs. Yes, Jelly is a Velcro dog, and I almost trip over her because she follows me around. But I love her. Yes, Lorraina will lunge at any dog that isn’t Jelly or Manic, hoping to draw blood. But I love her. And, yes, Manic lives his life with his paw on the gas pedal. But I love him.

However, if they were people, I would have to pass on building friendships with them.