Like humans, every dog has unique talents that they can improve through extensive training. Some dogs seem to have a real knack for learning new tricks. Sadly, they can’t go to college to further their doggy education—or can they? If you’ve ever wondered which classes your dog would excel at, you’re not alone. We’ve devoted way too much thought to the topic. Below, we’ll discuss the college degrees your dog might be able to get at a canine college. Check ‘em out and sign them up for classes today!
The 8 Punny College Degrees for Dogs
1. Dogtorate in Archaeology & Paleontology
It’s a no-brainer, right? Dogs love digging and bones, so they’d make great companions for the venerable Indiana Jones. If your dog has an ardent love for a nice bone and can’t help but bury it in the yard at any given chance, this degree could be right up their alley. Dogtorates take a long time to get, so you must help them stay on track. To help them along, you can write down where they bury the bones for historical reference. Future dogumentarians will really appreciate it.
2. Masters in Anthropawlogy
Dogs were the first animals ever domesticated by humans, even before we practiced agriculture.1 We daresay they’ve picked up a little already about their favorite humans, which makes anthropawlogy a perfect fit. Your dog will learn how to parse your body language, and we think they even teach a little English on the side. If you want to communicate better with your canine, this is the course for them.
3. Bachelor’s in Barketing
Who’s a better salesman than a dog showing you puppy eyes? We’d certainly buy a few boxes of dog treats (or a whole case) if a dog came knocking at our door. Dogs are missing out on the entrepreneur’s life by lounging around the house and playing outside all day! Put your dog to work in a barkmarketing program, where they’ll learn how to bark for treats and sell you the newest dog toys. Paw-sonal branding is important in this course, and “business trips” to network with other dogs at the dog park are mandatory.
4. B.A. in Psychology
What if your dog could delve into the bark side of their psyche and understand their behavior? An enlightened dog is a well-adjusted dog, after all. Majoring in psychology, your dog will learn why they feel compelled to chase squirrels, birds, and random flying objects. Not just that, but they’ll also discover why they drool at the sound of a treat bag and how to interpret those chase dreams.
5. Minor in Philosophy
Are the birds outside real or just a manifestation of Plato’s Cave? Your dog will explore that question and much more in their philosophy course. They’ll ponder the existential dread humans deal with daily, the nihilistic meaninglessness of chasing their own tail, and perhaps even find an answer to the most significant question of all: Who’s the bestest boy or girl?
6. Associate’s in Wagriculture
Help your dog learn how to cultivate their green thumb with a course in wagriculture. This scent-sational course covers how to turn their waste into valuable black-gold compost, determine optimal soil conditions, and tell good seeds from bad seeds. With your help, since they don’t have thumbs, your dog will learn how to plant delicious apple trees, carrots, berry bushes, and wag-tastic greenery you’ll be proud to sculpt into dog topiaries.
7. Culinary Arts Diploma
We know what you’re thinking: dogs don’t have refined palates, and some of them eat poop. That’s precisely why they should take culinary arts and become a doggy chef. Your dog will learn what goes into a good kibble, the best way to cook crispy bacon, and how to make the perfect grilled chicken breast. They’ll explore whether it’s possible to make peanut butter even more delicious and maybe even save you money by baking their own dog biscuits!
8. Woofworking Certification
Craftier canines can try their paw at the woofworking course, where they’ll learn the ins and outs of turning logs and sticks into bone-afide masterpieces. From barkitecture and three-story doghouses to sculpting life-like bone sculptures and whittling their own fetch toys, the practical applications of this course are unlimited. Just make sure they pay attention to the joinery so their creations last the test of time!
Final Thoughts
Dogs love exploring and figuring out the world on their own terms, but sometimes, we wish we could send them to school for a real education. Whether your dog is a brainy philosophy major contemplating the enigmas of existence or an aspiring Bark Zuckerberg, they are sure to find a course that fits their fancy above.
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