6 College Degrees for Dogs

How did dogs get to be so smart? They attended Canine State University, of course!


If you share your life with a dog, we don’t have to tell you they are intelligent creatures. Canines love learning and usually pick up new things quickly. I’m not embarrassed to say a dog has outsmarted me a time or two. Or six.

What if dogs could get even smarter by attending college and receiving degrees in their favorite subjects? Here are six degrees dogs might earn at Canine State University:


1. Bachelor of Science in Blocking


Dogs are pretty skilled at sprawling in exactly the path where we need to walk. And we’ve become masters at strategically stepping over them while balancing full laundry baskets and plates of food. Could these drowsy doggies barricade our walking routes any more skillfully?

In the blocking program, pooches study the science behind blocking and learn the body angles they must apply to most effectively occupy any given space. Lab fees extra.


2. Bachelor of Arts in Staring


Dogs are no strangers to staring and get the most practice when there’s some sort of food involved. However, do they sometimes stare to send us psychic messages to open the back door or pick up the treat jar? The novice gazer in the staring program will benefit from the extensive experience of the learned professors, and the practiced dogs will intensify and deepen their skills.

Classes include labs where dogs practice the basic “give me a bite” stare and move up to advanced techniques like “Please don’t ever leave me alone again or I swear I’ll die.” These classes usually fill up quickly, so the university recommends registering as soon as they’re available.


3. Bachelor of Arts in Hiding


Dogs love to “borrow” items and tuck them away for safe-keeping, both indoors and outdoors. Lost a sock? Check the dog bed. Lost a pair of underwear? Check the toy basket. How about a sandal? Under the bush in the backyard, of course.

In the nationally recognized hiding program, dogs discover new and interesting methods for stowing away objects. Opportunities are available for studying abroad in an exchange program with European hiding students.


4. Master of Arts in Nickname-Acquiring


Honestly, how many nicknames do you have for your dog? Our dog’s given nickname was Beau, but we rarely called him that and instead opted for nicknames like Sweety, Boom-Boom, and Pup-Pup. Because dogs are constantly acquiring new names, they need to apply critical thinking skills to remember them and discern which are new ones and which are just random, silly human words.

In the Master of Arts in Name-Acquiring, dogs learn these skills, along with extensive training in maintaining positive self-esteem while being called Mr. Fluffy and Smoochypants.


5. Doctor of Booty-Shaking


The jubilant shaking of a dog’s hindquarters is a joyful thing to behold! The wagging can be as subtle as a gentle flip of the tail or as animated as an entire back-end super-shake. Sometimes it’s a wonder they don’t pull something!

In the booty-shaking program, canines study the history of the waggle and tail-thumping theory, and spend extensive hours in the lab. Upon graduation, these highly-trained pooches will be prepared to respond to any situation with the most suitable booty-shake.


6. Bachelor of Arts in Speed-Eating


Have you ever seen Kobayashi competitively devour hot dogs? Forget about it! You haven’t seen anything until you’ve watched a dog go to town on a bowl of chow.

In the speed-eating program, dogs learn to focus while speed-eating. Instead of thoughtlessly inhaling the food, they’ll learn Eastern meditative techniques to help them eat quickly while intentionally tasting each individual morsel. This in-demand program is the only one of its kind in the U.S. Kibble is included in the cost of tuition.



What type of degree would your dog earn and why? Tell us about it in the comments!

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