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My Dog Is a Little Weirdo and I Suspect Yours Is, Too

Moxie has a used underwear fetish, thinks men are a threat to his position as king of the house, and uses a litter box. It's true.

 |  Jun 4th 2012  |   171 Contributions


My Italian Greyhound, Mr. Moxie, is a curious character. Almost as curious, perhaps, as the humans who've raised him (see photographic evidence below).

His eccentricities are well-documented at my house, and I’ve long meant to sit down and type them up because, as strange as he can be, I know I’ll miss every last one of his peculiar habits the day he’s no longer around.

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If he gets to clean my teeth, I get to eat his little ears.

That’s a sad thought, so let’s not linger. If your dog does any of the things I’m about to list below, do raise your paw, or let me know if your pup trumps mine in the “little weirdo” department. I'll be impressed if that's the case.

10 Strange (But Endearing) Things My Dog Does

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Just a dog and his man-purse.

1. He destroys everything but loves his “purse.”

Like many dogs I know, Mox has never met a stuffed toy he couldn’t de-stuff in a minute flat. Until I brought home this “Chewy Vuitton” dog toy in the shape of a purse (first seen in this episode of The Dog Show). He loved it at first sniff, and wrestled with it for a good half hour before falling asleep next to it … and half a year later, I still see him trotting around the apartment with the fluffy strap in his mouth. For an admittedly-straight dog, he sure loves his murse.

2. He hates shoes.

My dog is no fool. He knows that when the shoes go on, his people are going out. And when they come off, we’re likely staying in. When I slip on my Mary Janes on Monday mornings, his face falls, and his body sags a little. That usually-happy tail falls still. And the worst thing in the world is closing the door on his sweet little face as I head out.

I’ve learned to put my shoes away the second I get home, as he is quick to steal them and take his revenge on their soles.

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Hello, ladies.

3. He’s 100% a ladies’ man.

We like to joke that there is a penis limit of two at my home -- the dog’s and the boyfriend’s.

It took Mox at least a year to learn to love his pop as much as he loves me (I'm just lovable like that), but if any other man sets foot in the apartment, he will sound the alarm, howling until the guests settle in. When my girlfriends come to visit, it’s not often that they get the same treatment. The little harlot is usually making out with them in no time at all. There is an emoticon for how this makes me feel. This one. :/ 

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Ahhh, carpet.

4. He will not sit on wooden floors, sidewalks, or anything with a hard surface.

I am going to chalk this one up as a breed-specific trait – Italian Greyhound parents, let me know if your pups do this too.

IGs have (bless their hearts) no flab on their posteriors, and my boy knows the difference between hardwood and carpet. Many times, we’ll be in the kitchen (hardwood) and I’ll ask him to sit for his dinner, and he will back up until his feet hit the carpet just beyond the kitchen area. Then he’ll sit proud and tall. If the surface isn’t soft, no number of treats will get a sit out of this dog.

5. He pretends to love me but only really wants to know what I had for dinner.

I like to think my dog loves me. But then it hit me that Mox only tries to steal a kiss from me after I’ve eaten something. It’s like clockwork: I snack, I chew, and BAM, I have a suddenly- friendly pup molesting my face. 

P.S. Sometimes, he tries to clean my teeth. This was awkward for us both when I had braces.

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Best friends share everything, right mom?

6. He is eerily obsessed with my used underwear.

You know how when you board your dog, they always tell you to leave something that smells like you with him in his crate? Well, apparently my dog cannot get enough of my stink. He will dig through my hamper and steal my underwear most days of the week, and I often find two or three pairs tucked into the folds of his bed. 

One time, I caught him wearing a pair of panties around his neck like a necklace. There's a photo of this somewhere, but I couldn't locate it for this piece so I give you this alternative photo (below). I swear to Dog I didn't pose him with my knickers that way. What a little freak!

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I swear I didn't pose him like this.

7. He is completely fascinated by other creatures.

Moxie hasn’t met a creature he didn’t like in his three and a half years. On one road trip to Mendocino, CA, he was fascinated by the pair of donkeys our inn kept. And they were equally enchanted with him. He stood there, nose-to-nose with them, for 10 minutes and we had to drag him away in the end.

On another occasion, he ran into a makeshift petting zoo a family had set up as part of their child’s birthday party at a park we frequent, and meeting a llama, pig, lamb, and some chickens in one afternoon simply blew his little mind. He did NOT want to go home.

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Moxie meets a donkey.

8. He walks himself on his leash.

This one isn’t all that special –- maybe three out of five dogs will do this -– but I still think it’s really cute every time. Whenever we put his leash on pre-walk, Mox will pick up the handle in his mouth and prance around the apartment like he's won the lottery. What can I say? He loves his walks.

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Moxie, preparing to smell some sunflowers.

9. He is a whiz at the litter box.

Mox can't roll over or play dead. He's a sighthound, so he doesn't fetch anything, either. But what he can do is use his jumbo-sized litter pan filled with Yesterday's News litter like a pro. Italian Greyhounds are notorious for their potty problems, and litter box training Mox as a wee pup has been one of the smartest things we've ever done. Sometimes, I'll dog-sit for friends and realize how spoiled Moxie has us when I have to take them outside the highrise we live in for potty breaks. 

10. He stops to smell the flowers.

When people tell me they think dogs are “just dogs,” I laugh and smile and think some of them could learn a lot from dogs. Mine, for instance, is an expert at slowing down and taking a moment for himself.

He stops to smell literally every flower on our walk, and when we have fresh cuttings at our apartment, he will stretch that elegant neck out and smell that bouquet, too.

But enough about Mr. Moxie. Tell me about the weirdly wonderful little quirks your dog has.

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