In the year of our lord 2013, The Cathedral of St. John the Divine, a New York City landmark, had a conundrum. Its scenic grounds were so charming and lovely that they tempted many of the dogs of the greater metropolitan area, who yearned to deposit fresh, fragrant alms upon the verdant land.
And so the dogs did. And it was good.
But only for a while, because too many owners were conveniently looking the other way when their dogs squatted upon the lush fields, and they strolled away, thinking about football and the devil, without the poop, which grew stinky and squishy in the blessed air.
My God, what kind of person leaves dog poop on church grounds?
In any case, church leaders turned to design giant Pentagram to come up with some creative signs to “preach the values of respect, fellowship, and proper poop removal etiquette,” according to a story in Wired.
“I vaguely remember them asking to think creatively about this assignment, but they didn’t specifically ask for humor or wit,” partner Michael Bierut told Wired.
Pentagram went to work, choosing a green palette to blend with the surroundings, the company’s custom font Divine (a redrawn version of Frederic Goudy’s 1928 Blackletter), and a devilish sense of humor, coming up with three brilliant signs, which are now scattered amongst the landscape, delivering blessed instruction on dealing with your dog.
Church leaders were so impressed, they accepted the first versions of each one, and they intend on selling them in the gift shop.
And now we just have to do something weird. Sure, this is in incredibly bad taste, but a church did it first, so we’re … absolved?
The 10 Commandments of Dog Poop
- Thou shalt have no other gods before poop.
- Thou shalt not make unto poop any graven image.
- Thou shalt not take poop in vain.
- Remember the poop to keep it holy.
- Honor thy Father’s poop and th — wait, this one’s just too gross.
- Thou shalt not poop.
- Thou shalt not commit poop.
- Thou shalt not steal poop.
- Thou shalt not bear false poop.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s poop.