I am exhausted today. No, I’m beyond exhausted, actually. I’m a shell of a person moving around and pretending to be functional. For my current state of being, I blame my kids. I mean, sure, it isn’t technically their fault, but they had a hand in it. They require So. Much. Work. I think back to the days when the only kids I had came with four legs attached to cute little Pug bodies. When I felt very much like a mommy, but much, much less tired.
Do you know why? Because dogs are easier than kids. There, I said it. Allow me to explain why.
1. Dogs are easier because there is a standard of training
My six-year-old, she’s a little snarky. I do what I can but that kid, does she have a mind (and mouth) of her own! Why isn’t there obedience school for children? Around here, the closest thing we have is called “the juvenile detention center.” Seriously, there are days where I would like to drop my daughter off at obedience school and pick her up well-behaved and with a list of easy commands for putting her back in line when she misbehaves.
Until someone invents that, I’m claiming that dogs are easier.
2. Dogs are cheaper
Kids are so expensive! All those clothes. Good grief, STOP GROWING!
For the most part, dogs hit the one-year mark and are all, “This is my size, forever!” Sure, while they probably won’t outgrow their clothes and might actually eat yours, that seems like a small trade-off in the finance department.
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Even more savings come in the toy department. Kids, they want so many! “That one is old. This one is boring. Those are so very last year. I’m way too advanced for that. Therefore I will not be playing with any of these 100 toys anymore,” say children across America.
Dogs, on the other hand, are all “This is my most favorite toy forever! I’m going to play with this one every day for the rest of my life because I love it! Thanks for buying me those new toys. I will check them out for a minute or two, but I don’t really need them because I have my one and only most favorite toy ever!”
Dogs are cheaper. If you like your wallet heavy because of things other than receipts, avoid kids.
3. Dogs need less stuff
Speaking of toys, it really doesn’t take much to make a dog happy. These days, I get home after a long day of work, and my kids are there to greet me with a list of 100 things they need help with or want me to do for them.
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Dogs? Not so much. When I had my dog, I would get home from work, and he would greet me with, “You came home! THIS IS THE BEST DAY EVER!!!”
Dogs are so much easier to please.
4. Dogs aren’t always hungry — well, this one is actually a tie
When I had a dog in my household, it didn’t matter what the clock said; when the sun came up, it was a guarantee that not much longer after that a set of eyes (canine or human) would be locked in on my sleeping face, where they would remain until I served breakfast.
Dogs and kids, they are always hungry! They both inhale their food, and then I would have to spend the next four hours on defense. Every little movement on my part was — and still is by the kids — met with a flurry of activity. “Quick! Drop what you are doing everyone, there is the possibility that she is going into the KITCHEN!”
I find myself saying the exact same things to my kids that I used to say over and over again to my dogs. “No, you are not eating again; I’m cooking for me. ME! You already ate. You don’t need to run into the kitchen. I am merely walking by the kitchen, not in it! Did you eat off my plate while I was gone!? I ALREADY FED YOU!”
I’m going to have to call this one a tie because, furry or not, the game seems to be the same.
5. Dogs fear your departure out of love, not because they want things
It also didn’t seem to matter whether my child was covered in fur or not, there were bound to be facial prints on every reachable window surface. Was the view half an inch closer to the window pane really worth smashing your face against it? I’m pretty sure they do that because they think they will get a better view of your permanent departure. “You are leaving me! What if you NEVER come back!? Are you ever coming back!!??”
Dramatic much?
At least dogs have a slight edge over kids on this one because, remember, dogs just want you to come back because they love you. Kids want you to come back because they need 500 things from you.
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When you think about it, dogs really are becoming more human every day. They used to be slightly more limited in the ways in which they were able to accompany you through life. Years ago, your only real option for spending quality time with your dog was inside your house or outside of your house. These days, I’ll be in a restaurant, look over, and realize I’m eating dinner next to a dog. There are doggie spas, doggie daycare, doggie wardrobes, doggies weddings, and, soon I’m sure, they will be able to apply for a graduate program at the local college so that not only can they come to work with you, but they can actually work with you.
Kids had better watch out because from where I’m sitting, dogs are closing the gap here in the “children” department. The question used to be, “How many children do you want to have?” These days, it’s become, “What type of children do you want?” Would you like two legs or four? Or another number in the case of specially abled dogs. Which are better suited to complete your family? Dogs or kids?
What do you think? Let us know in the comments!
Read more about dogs and kids:
- Do Your Dogs Like Playing with Children?
- Dogs Are the New Kids: Trite for Some, but True for Me
- Pro Tips for Navigating Life with Dogs and Kids
- So People Regret Owning Dogs After Having Kids? Really, Slate
- An Open Letter to Parents — From a Dog
- Do These Dog Photos Make You as Nervous as They Make Me?
- 10 Ways Having Dogs Has Prepared Me for Parenthood
- How Kids Can Help Dogs Feel Safe
- Not That You Need Them, But Here Are 6 Reasons to Get a Puppy for Your Kids
Featured Image Credit: Pereslavtseva Katerina, Shutterstock
