Dear GiGi,

I’ll start with a confession: I was never a “dog guy,” always more of a cat guy.

About a year ago I met this woman (we’ll call her Nadine) and was immediately smitten. She has a dog — a little Jack Russell (who we’ll call Jack). Normally, Jack would have been a deal-killer, but I was so crazy about Nadine that I figured I’d give the dog a shot.

Well, a funny thing happened. Things went OK for me and Nadine — in fact we moved in together — but they went better for me and Jack. I was smitten all over again. Recently, though, things are strained between Nadine and myself. Turns out she’s very mom-like, doesn’t trust me with household things, and doesn’t give me a lot of space. Weirdly enough, this has made Jack and I closer — like each of us is one of her pets, so we hang together. But now I want to grow up and move out on my own. Only, I don’t want to leave Jack.

What do I do? Stand up for myself and tell Nadine things have to change? Leave and request joint custody? Kidnap Jack and move to Bermuda?

Please help.

–Jack Is My Brother

Dear JIM-Bro,

I’d love to hear Jack’s side of this story. “Here comes this new “CAT” guy, taking up MY space and sucking up all MY Nadine time!”. Did you ever consider Jack might not want to run off with you? I’m really starting to think you don’t know Jack! (snicker, snort, snort)

And I have to say, I do question a guy who can’t be trusted with household things. What did you do? Get your head stuck in the Kitchen Aid mixer while trying to lick the big moving spoon? Or the Great Strainer Incident of 2012? Sounds like Nadine has her hands full with you.

Listen JIM-Bro, quit trying to hijack Jack and either man up and stop doing dumb stuff or take off and find your own Jack.

You’re welcome,

GiGi