Ned the Helpless: Dr. Karyn's Quintessential Chihuahua (With Video)

Hi, I’m Dr. Karyn! Read my introduction to learn more about me and my five funny dogs, Poppy, Bailey, Kodah, Ned, and Fred.

Although most dog breeds have long been retired from the roles they were originally bred to fulfill, our modern-day companions still share many of the physical traits and temperaments that served them well in their former employment.

The Dachshund, with its tube-like body and tenacious nature, was once sent down burrows and holes in pursuit of badgers and rodents. Water-loving Labradors were the helpful assistants of fishermen, whilst the Beagle, with its nose for hunting, finds it hard to tear itself away from tracking every scent that comes their way.

Then there are the lap dogs, such as Pugs, Cavalier King Charles Spaniels, Papillons, and the tiny Chihuahua. Breeds created solely for companionship, favored for their appearance and affection, over skills and hard work. Being the smallest of all the toy breeds, the Chihuahua is possibly the most helpless of them all, and Ned is the quintessential Chihuahua.

Ned

Like most dogs, Ned has many names: Neddy, The Ned, Nederick, Ned-Ned, Sir Nedsalot…you know how it goes. Weighing in at 1.8 kg (4 lbs), measuring 14 inches long and 8 inches tall, he is the smallest member of our household. He is also at the top of the pecking order, comfortably ruling over my five-strong dog pack with an iron paw. A paw that is roughly the size of my thumb. Despite his tiny stature, Ned has a personality the size of a Great Dane, and the appetite of one too!

Ned the Foodie

The Chihuahua’s origins date back to the Techichi, a short and stout canine kept by the ancient South American Toltec people in the 9th century as a ready source of food. Ironically, Ned spends most of his waking hours preoccupied with thoughts about, pursuit of, and begging for, food. Although he is our smallest pet, he is also the greediest, with an apparently insatiable appetite. If I didn’t think it would do him harm, I would love to experimentally find out just how much food he could actually eat in a day - he always wants more but stays the same, ideal, size and weight. And just like Joey from Friends, Neddy doesn’t share food!

Ned the Vicious

Far from being a shrinking violet, Ned maintains his lofty status amongst the pack by regularly flexing his teeny muscles and bearing his tiny teeth to make sure that the likes of Kodah know exactly where they stand; beneath him. Preferably lying down so that Ned can sleep on top. And Kodah is only too happy to comply.

Ned the Heat-Seeking Bedbug

When he’s not eating or looking for food, Ned loves to sleep. And when he’s not sleeping, he loves to nap. What’s the difference? I’m glad you asked.

When Ned comes to bed of a nighttime (and when I say bed, I of course mean my bed), he burrows down beneath the covers and tucks in behind my knees. There he stays until he either needs a wee or gets hungry enough to want breakfast. If we take a nap (which is an activity that all the dogs like to be involved in), Ned snuggles into my chest, tucked tightly under my chin. I don’t know why there is a difference, but clearly, there is.

In addition to loving bed and food, Ned loves warmth. Of an evening, he will yap at my husband and I for one of three things:

1. Dinner

2. Toilet

3. Hot water bottle

Yes, he has come to demand that we fetch him a hot water bottle on which to lay, and he will not shut up until we have complied!

Ned the Helpless

Having grown up with cats, my pets have always been quite independent. When I started living with dogs, I felt like much more of a participant in my pets’ lives, rather than a spectator. But if you really want to feel indispensable, you should get yourself a Chihuahua. Not only do they need assistance multiple times throughout the day, they demand it. Okay, maybe this doesn’t apply to all Chihuahuas, but it most definitely applies to Ned.

I’m not just talking about providing food, exercise, and letting them out to the toilet. No, when it comes to Ned, his assertive personality belies the helpless creature underneath. What I find most amusing is that I know that he is perfectly capable of many of the things he demands help with.

Jumping on the Sofa

Ned is small, so getting up onto our sofa does require some effort. If there is the possibility of food or a hot water bottle, he leaps up with zero hesitation. Without such motivation, his pathetic tries and tragic cries get him the lift he so desires.

Getting Up on the Bed

Our bed is quite tall, so I have placed a storage box to help Ned and Fred reach the top, which they do each night and multiple times throughout the day. However, come bedtime, Ned is suddenly incapable of the jump, and once again, requires a boost. Which, of course, I provide. Because he’s just so damn cute.

Getting Down from the Bed

Fred is fearless and will just launch himself straight off the bed with a ‘floomp’. Ned is not so brave, and needs to retreat back down the way he came, using the box. Unless he decides he cannot possibly make such a terrifying leap, and I am once again beckoned by the sound of his plaintive, helpless cries.

Getting Out of the Crate

This one is hilarious. On multiple occasions now, Ned has slipped into the crate when the door is slightly ajar, enjoying a nap in the blankets. Sometime later his yelps of distress bring me to the tragic scene of a helpless Ned, trapped inside a crate by a door that is just as ajar as it was when he went in. I showed him that the door was open, and even offered him treats through the gap, but he was apparently unable to to escape. The last time this happened, I finally gave in after 30 minutes of sadness.

Ned the Best

One of the best things about Ned is everything. The worst thing about him is nothing. He is absolutely perfect, right down to being perfectly helpless. And hey, it’s always nice to feel needed!