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5 Conversations I Have With My Dogs (Almost) Daily

Dolly and Spot have much to say -- in my imagination. Do your pups talk back, too?

Pamela Mitchell  |  Nov 7th 2012


I talk to my dogs, and they respond — in my head, anyway. We chat from sunup through lights-out about a variety of important topics: climate change, Upstairs Downstairs vs. Downton Abbey, and the rising cost of kibble, just to name a few.

Five more-mundane conversations also take place between Dolly, Spot, and myself (almost) daily:

Conversation No. 1

Me: ”Time to get up!”

Dolly: ”Five more minutes.”

Spot: ”Zzzzzzzzzz.”

Me: ”Come on, pups. Walk, then breakies.”

Dolly: ”Yawwwwwwwn.”

Spot: ”Zzzzzzzzzz.”

Me: ”Seriously, let’s go. Time to earn the kibble.”

Dolly: ”Fine. Just let me stretch for a minute … or two.”

Spot: “Zzzzzzzzzz.”

Me: ”Sigh.”

Actions speak louder than words when it comes to getting my dogs out of bed. Many mornings, I am halfway down the stairs before I hear them shake themselves awake and finally begin to follow.

Conversation No. 2

Me: ”Dolly! Spot does not need help finishing his food.”

Dolly: ”Are you sure?”

Spot: ”Nom nom nom.”

Me: ”Positive.”

Dolly: ”Even the pieces he pushes out of the bowl? Because those really should be up for grabs.”

Spot: ”Nom nom nom.”

Me: ”They are not.”

Dolly: ”Fine. Don’t come crying to me about your dirty kitchen floor, then.”

Spot: ”Nom nom nom.”

Me: ”I won’t. Promise.”

Conversation No. 3

Me: ”Ignore the approaching dog.”

Dolly: ”I WANT TO MEET THAT DOG!”

Spot: ”I WANT TO EAT THAT DOG!”

Me: ”Alrighty. Let’s go this way instead.”

Dolly: ”I STILL WANT TO MEET THAT DOG!”

Spot: ”I STILL WANT TO EAT THAT DOG!”

Me: ”I cannot wait until we start working with the new trainer.”

Dolly: ”Wait … what new trainer?”

Spot: ”WHY WON’T YOU LET ME EAT THAT DOG?!”

Me: ”The one we have an appointment with next week.”

Dolly: ”You do realize that this new trainer will blame you for our bad behavior.”

Spot: ”What are you guys talking about?”

Me: ”Our new trainer. And, yes, I know my lack of control and consistency contributes to your on-leash aggression. He will train me, too. Not to worry.”

Conversation No. 4

Me: ”Wow. That was quite the stinker.”

Dolly: ”Passing gas is a natural biological function.”

Spot: ”What she said.”

Me: ”Must you fart in my general direction, though?”

Dolly: ”Must you quote Monty Python, again?” 

Spot: ”Good one.”

Me: ”I’ll stop quoting Monty Python when you stop aiming farts at me.”

Conversation No. 5

Me: ”I love you, Dolly.”

Dolly: ”Back at ya, soul sister.”

Me: ”I love you, Spot.”

Spot: ”Kisses!”

Me [contented]: “Sigh.”

Do you converse with your pups? Must you always get the last word in, like me? Please share your conversations in the comments below!

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