There is a certain animal getting a lot of attention this time of year. Rabbits are kinda cute, but canine kind is more than a hare more adorable. All traditions need to evolve, so maybe it’s time we replace the Easter Bunny with an Easter Dog! Consider what this festive season would be like:
The bunny leaves the eggs, and the humans find them. That’s how it goes, but if an Easter Dog were in the mix there’s no way he would leave all the egg-sniffing fun for us humans. No, if a canine were the celebrated seasonal animal, the humans would hide the eggs, and the dog would lead the hunt! Every egg would be sniffed out! No more finding lost eggs behind the couch in June.
The rabbit brings chocolate, but we all know dogs can’t be partial to this poisonous (to them, particularly dark chocolate) treat. And while chocolate isn’t poison for us humans, it isn’t that great for us either. If dogs were in charge we’d be ditching this sugary treat for high value (and lower calorie) proteins. Goodbye chocolate, hello chicken!
And if the Easter Dog took pity on humanity and allowed us to keep our calorific chocolate treats, they sure wouldn’t be shaped like rabbits. A Chocolate Lab is so much sweeter than a chocolate bunny!
Dyed eggs can crack or rot, but a dyed dog doesn’t go bad! If the Easter Dog were the seasonal mascot, groomers would be going crazy stocking canine-safe hair dyes to dip-dye our pups to rainbow perfection!
Instead of filling baskets with fake, plastic grass, the Easter Dog would have us cleaning up the real grass in our backyards. Our own dogs don’t lay eggs, but they do lay something that could ruin the fun of an outdoor egg hunt. Time to grab the pooper scooper!
If the Easter Bunny were replaced by an Easter Dog, those marshmallow Peeps would be off the menu. The yellow, bird-shaped candy would be banished — not because dogs are allergic to them or anything, but just because they are gross and our dogs love us too much to make us suffer through Peeps season.
The Easter Dog would replace all the bunny headbands with dog ear headgear. The humans would sport the headbands, and the dog would no longer suffer the indignity of having to wear rabbit ears once a year!
Depending on which state you live in, the traditional Easter dinner centers on either ham, lamb or chicken. If the Easter Dog were in charge, all three would be served (maybe with a side dish of rabbit).
Pastel tones are associated with this holiday, but the sweet, cloying palette can be a lot for grown adults to take. If dogs took over the Easter mascot duties, we could do away with pastels — after all, canines are colorblind! Prefer jewel tones to pastels? Easter Dog is down with that decór choice.
The Easter Bunny is kind of aloof. He comes by, hides a bunch of eggs and dips out. The Easter Dog would stick around, because dogs don’t try to hide their affection for humankind, and they’re not gonna miss all
the fun, either.
Top photograph: Vincent Scherer | Getty Images