Are you up on Biggie Griffon yet? If not, you’re missing out on one of the most beguilingly entertaining accounts on Instagram. This pup might be diminutive in size, but he’s proper large in status, as he channels the vibe of the late, great rotund rapper The Notorious B.I.G. In practice, that means a photostream packed with lyric puns and wild boasts about his playalistic lifestyle.
Thanks to the wonders of email and Biggie Griffon’s remarkable ability to type, I conversed with this pup about his road to social media riches. If you don’t know, now you literally know.
It was all a dream
The Notorious B.I.G. might have represented Brooklyn, but Biggie Griffon is all about his West Coast roots. “I’m from the streets of San Francisco and specifically the Playa’s Club in the heart of Fillmore,” he says when asked about his background.
Speaking on his move from a hardscrabble upbringing to today’s success and riches, he adds, “I was born to a crackhead before my parents adopted me, but now I’m the fresh prince of San Francisco in this beezy! Ya dig?”
Call him big poppa
When it comes to getting to the soul of Biggie Griffon and asking what motivates this most cocksure and confident of dogs, he paraphrases his rapping namesake to state: “Money, gardening tools, clothes — all a doggy knows …”
The Notorious B.I.G. passed away on March 9 in 1997 — a sad date that’s now etched in the hearts of hip-hop fans across the world. But what would Biggie Griffon had gotten up to if he’d been able to hang with Big before he passed?
“Smoke blunts and chase some tail, of course,” he says, as if it were ever in doubt.
Ready to Bark
Before he passed away, The Notorious B.I.G. recorded two albums. His debut, Ready to Die, takes the spoils over the bloated double album Life After Death. If he’d had the chance to record a guest verse on the “legendary album,” Biggie Griffon says, “I’d drop mad bars about that life, ya know what I’m saying? And if you don’t know … now ya know, doggie!”
Biggie Griffon’s favorite hashtag likes to boast that he’s Mr. Steal Yo Girl. With that being the case, I asked him which particular celebrity pooches he has his eye on chasing?
“I’m not answering this,” he said, somewhat bluntly. Then he explained, “I’d get busted by my main female dog and my side female dogs. Plus I’d rather pimp them all anyways.”
The queen bee
If you skip through Biggie Griffon’s Instagram account, you’ll notice regular appearances from a striking white female pooch called Tofu.
It turns out their cohabiting relationship is not exactly all peaches and cream. “Tofu is the H.B.I.C.,” Biggie told me, possibly while pouting. “I don’t funk with her.”
After coming across a picture of Biggie purportedly posing with some handmade sausages, I decided to ask him about the intricacies of the raw diet. Is it a fad? Or something he’d happily endorse?
This time deciding to invoke the spirit of the late, great, and exceptionally disheveled ODB, he exclaimed, “Ooh baby I like it raw!”
Glad we’ve cleared that one up.
I love the dough
Finally, being that Biggie Griffon is all about getting rich and chasing that almighty dollar, I asked him what he likes to spend his money on.
To that he decided to rap, in a fashion:
“I stack cheddar and no one does it better / I spend my money on that life / But if it don’t make dollars then it don’t make cents / sense.”
Cruise on over to Biggie Griffon’s Instagram account to get down with his playatastic lifestyle.
Read about more social dogs of the week:
- James “Juicy” Franco the Terrier Mutt Is as Cool as His Namesake
- Chinese Cresteds Emir and Taj Rule Tokyo’s Instagram Scene
- Chloe the Mini Frenchie Is a Jet-Setting Instagram Star
About the author: Phillip Mlynar writes about cats, music, food, and sometimes a mix of all three. He considers himself the world’s foremost expert on rappers’ cats.