Rude Dog Owners Keep Leaving Me Stinky Surprises

Large piles appear in the wood chips near my front walkway! How do I get even?


Dear GiGi,

I live across the street from a very large, open park, yet I keep coming home to large piles of dog you-know-what in the wood chips I’ve lined my driveway with. It’s right in the path where we get in and out of our car.

It’s so infuriating that someone would be that thoughtless and not pick up after their dog.

Any advice on what to do? It’s making me really angry.

Linda S.

San Francisco, CA

Dear Linda,

I’d be pretty chipped off too! Who wants to see that — let alone step in it. Though I have to admit, that’s the perfect camouflage spot if you’re gonna pick one!

I say you have three options:

1. Go full detective! Find a black trench coat and dark sunglasses and hide in the bushes waiting for the culprit and his stinky, no-good owner. Save up all the goodies they’ve been leaving for a sneak attack like no other! Downside: This might take days, even weeks, in the trenches. You’ll start to look like a real weirdo, and your neighbors will probably call the cops and have you committed.

2. Put out one of those kooky, “Don’t Curb Your Dog Here” signs — because when does pooping = curbing? Downside: You’ll be pegged as the “crazy sign lady” equal to a passive-aggressive note-leaver.

3. Accept that there are some real schmos in the world, and city living multiplies the schmo factor by 1000 percent. This is where “What goes around, comes around” is the motto you sometimes have to adapt to keep from becoming a schmo yourself. The laws of the universe are pretty clear, you can’t go around being a schmo for long before a big pile of you-know-what lands back on your doorstep one way or another. Downside: The high road. Upside: The high road.

Hope that made you chipper!



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