Dating with Dogs: A Recipe For Disaster

Hi, I’m Dr. Maja! Read my introduction to learn more about me and my two crossbreed dogs, Lava and Hela.

We’ve all been there. Planning for a big date with that special someone, wanting to impress and get them to like us. And then, sooner or later, needing to drop the “pet bomb.” This can be especially tricky if that someone has no pets. Then, I try to be as relaxed about it as possible, not trying to make a big deal out of having three dogs and three cats. Sometimes, however, this is a deal breaker, and fair enough. Other times, the date is still on, and we get to that tricky question of whether I should bring a dog or two, or even three.

Why Bring Dogs in the First Place?

Well, I like to think of it as having something familiar to hold onto in an awkward and new situation, with a person I don’t yet know. Plus, it makes me feel safe somehow, knowing that the dog is there, although, in reality, all three of my dogs are useless in that sense. And finally, if there is ever ice to be broken or a long silence, a dog is certainly an inspiration for many conversations. As long as they don’t end up focused on dog hair and whether they sleep on my bed. That’s a topic reserved for at least the 4th or 5th date.

Lava is the Worst

Lava has been with me the longest and has accompanied me on several dates. Let’s just say some of them were not super successful. The date would message back, I suspect, because they would find the whole thing funny, but that dog is an absolute expert in causing me embarrassment. From trying to jump on my date, as she loves everyone, to mouthing and playing with their hands, or even worse, sniffing their groin area, making me want to literally disappear from the face of the Earth, to lunging and barking at every dog we pass. Trying to look cool and not break a sweat with a 78-lb dog pulling me around like I’m a puppet is very hard, trust me. At least Lava is super cute, and somehow that seems to do the trick.

Two Is Even Worse Than Three

Since Hela joined the pack, she’s come with me and Lava on a couple of dates, but that is even harder work. Controlling what each of them does and where they go is very hard while trying to make casual conversation. It often gets interrupted with “Laavaaa, noooo. Leave that. Drop it. Helaaaa. Come back." And so on. Occasionally, I will use the dogs as an excuse to break the ice and ask the date to walk one of them, usually Hela, the better-behaved dog of the two. To my surprise, that seemed to work like a charm a few times.

And most recently, I figured why sabotage the whole thing from the get-go by bringing two dogs? So, I only took Hela, and it was so much better. Completely refreshing. She is fairly good on the lead, not very interested in people, will not jump up or try to interact, and it allows me to focus on my date. She will even sit patiently waiting for us to have a drink, while Lava would cry her eyes out. However, Hela is a poop machine. That dog will go two or three times in a walk, and by the end, if there are no bins provided, I end up carrying a large amount of dog feces, which doesn’t smell very pleasant. Let me just tell you, a date who is still interested in meeting up again after all of this is definitely worth a shot.

If We Get to Three Dogs, It’s a Success

Now, three dogs, bringing Lajka as well as Hela and Lava, is a rare occurrence. But it has happened. Not very gracefully, but let’s just say that date is still in touch with me. Lajka was let loose as we were in a woodland next to a river, but despite all the nature, she went up to the only other house and started barking at their yard cat. As if she’s never seen one, and she lives with three cats. Awkward moment, with me calling her, just to confirm her recall is nonexistent, and finally going up there to get her away from the cat, which didn’t even blink. Well, I survived that as well.

Is It Worth It?

Having dogs is a big part of my life, and I don’t want to hide it. Yes, they are hard work, a big responsibility, a nuisance at times, but mostly bundles of joy and slobber, dirt, and the rest. And generally a total embarrassment in public. We won’t even get to barking. But it’s who I am, and it’s important to make it clear from the start, as I understand not everyone is like me in this sense. And someone who doesn’t love dogs (and cats) just doesn’t have a place in my life anyway.