“Puppies Are Dicks” Makes the Case for Adopting Older Dogs

In their new picture book, Eric and Sara Sims take a hilarious approach to a global issue -- the number of older dogs who go unadopted.

Whitney C. Harris  |  May 7th 2015


Have you ever stopped to wonder why certain dogs are such jerks? Sure, lots of pooches are sweet as can be, but some are so insufferably self-centered that it’s surprising we don’t publicly mock them on the regular. (Oh, wait. We do.)

To make a quick generalization for argument’s sake: Older dogs seem to appreciate things much more than younger ones do, right? So it seems the blame can mostly be placed on … puppies! This line of thinking is exactly what got funny couple Eric and Sara Sims wondering why the heck more people don’t adopt older dogs. By day, Eric is an Atlanta-based television producer while Sara is a speech pathologist. In the words of Eric, he “mostly makes dick jokes and tells people to draw faster. Pretty comparable to Sara’s job in the old ‘making the world a better place’ department.”

And the two just couldn’t get over the whole puppy problem. Taking matters into their own hands, they spawned Puppies Are Dicks, a picture book illustrating the myriad ways in which those furious balls of fur drive us nuts.

Of course they don’t actually think puppies are dicks, but the point is that so many older dogs who deserve a loving home die in shelters every year simply because they’re not adorable, young pups. This is just not right. (See below for a little of what we’re talking about.)

We chatted with Eric to get a glimpse into the sick and twisted mind of one puppy-hating guy. (Just kidding.) We wanted to find out how Puppies Are Dicks can educate the public about older dog adoption! And to get a peek inside the book, of course.

Dogster: How did you come up with the idea for Puppies Are Dicks?

Eric Sims: Sara and I wanted to come up with a fun way to teach people about puppy mills and the importance of adopting older dogs. These are two fairly heavy subjects, BUT if an idea is funny enough, people will share it. We’re hoping that people will read Puppies Are Dicks, laugh, learn a thing or two, and share its message with their friends and family.

Do you have any personal puppy war stories you can share with us?

Sara and I have both owned puppies, and we both prefer to never speak of it again.

Understandable. So why don’t more people adopt older dogs?

I think the biggest reason people don’t adopt older dogs over puppies is simply because puppies are so rage-squeezingly cute. BUT with great cuteness comes great responsibility. Responsibility that most people aren’t ready for. Older dogs, however, are just as cute and come equipped with love, loyalty, respect for personal property, and all of the expensive-ass shots that your brand new puppy will soon need.

The book lists pooping on your shoes and frowning most of the day (while sleeping very little) as just two ways that puppies are dicks. What else comes to mind when you think of how badly puppies can behave?

It’s been scientifically proven that puppies believe there is an acceptable level of racism.

Can you tell us about your dog, Penny? What’s she like? Does she think puppies are dicks?

I adopted Penny a few years ago from the Atlanta Humane Society. She was a Katrina rescue. When I walked up to her at the shelter, she immediately put her paw on my knee. My heart almost fell out of my body. I had to take her home. She was about eight years old then. She is now 12 and still f’ing amazing. She loves everything — puppies, kittens, accidentally eating spiders, you name it.

Speaking of kittens, we noticed you have a fabulous feline intern.

Yes, you can one of the first people to friend Albus The Intern on Twitter and Instagram. Then send me a digital high-five for introducing you to that beautiful sonofabitch.

A photo posted by @albustheintern on Mar 13, 2015 at 6:37am PDT

Consider it done. So, how do you work with the Ian Somerhalder Foundation?

A portion of every book sold goes directly to a multitude of organizations that help older dogs. We decide what amount goes where. Besides Sara’s mom, ISF is the very first entity to take the Puppies Are Dicks idea seriously. They are a super passionate and ballsy group of people, who we are just huge fans of. They get it. Frankly, I think more animal foundations need to follow in their footsteps. Because of ISF’s bravery and loyalty, we have decided to allocate a big chunk of the funds raised to their Emergency Medical Grants program. Plus, Ian Somerhalder is the hunkiest hunk to ever hunk. It’s impossible not to just hand him everything in your pocket when he flashes you those smoldering, steely blue eyes.

We couldn’t agree more. So how do we get our paws on Puppies Are Dicks?

Penny finally finished with proofing (she takes a lot of naps), so it just went on sale on Amazon.com and PuppiesAreDicks.com. Everyone please go out and get a copy! Help us help older dogs! (Or don’t and be a dick yourself).

You heard the man. Check out PuppiesAreDicks.com to learn more about the book and find out how you can help.

Read more about adopting older dogs on Dogster:

About the author: Whitney C. Harris is a New York-based freelance writer for websites including StrollerTraffic, Birchbox, and WhattoExpect.com. A former book and magazine editor, she enjoys running (with Finley), watching movies (also with Finley), and cooking meatless meals (usually with Finley watching close by).