This isn't a sad post, or a happy one, but bittersweet

Whether a dog dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, this is the place to gather together to give and receive love and support when you experience the loss of a beloved dog.

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In loving- memory of- Cinnamon ~

A truly good dog- never really- leaves
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 12:09am PST 
Cinnamon, seven months ago (almost to the date) you left this world quite abruptly. I was shaken up. No one had expected it. We thought you had more time, we thought you'd be with us for many more years. On January 26th, however, our world was turned upside down. One of my best friends (that's you) was taken from me right before my eyes. I tried to do everything I could, but it was too late. You left this world and I was powerless. I was unable to help. I was sad, I was confused. I was angry.

For days afterwards, I was in shock. Logically, I knew it had happened. You know me, always the one with the brain on my shoulders. That thing never stops working, not even for a second. I knew you were gone. It wasn't a question of knowing, however. It was a matter of believing. I went to bed on that cold, lonely, Winter night not wanting to believe you were gone. I didn't get to sleep until five o'clock in the morning because I kept hearing you cry. I kept wondering if you were somewhere and if you needed me. And when I finally did find sleep, it wasn't peaceful. For days, I wanted to believe that I would wake up and it would have all been a dream. A horrible, horrible dream. That did not happened. Every day I woke up and I had to face the reality. You were gone and I would never physically see you again. But Cinnamon, please understand, you never left my heart.

Over the past seven months, I've learned a lot of things. About myself, about loss, about grief, about love. You taught me so much while you were alive. There was always something beautiful about the way you seemed to see the world. Curiosity. You weren't afraid to pursue it. Mostly everyone that met you loved you and rightfully so. For there was something sweet, something beautiful in your deep, brown eyes. You taught me that nothing should be taken for granted. And Cinnamon, you still continue to teach me. Some of the lessons have been hard to learn, some have scared me and made me shed a few tears, but they were learned and they matter. My love for you was - is - so strong that even though you are no longer physically with me, I still feel as though you are an integral part of my life.

For so long after your loss, I was scared, Cinnamon. I was scared that it would never get easier, scared that I would always feel this big, emptiness in my heart, and scared that I'd never be able to talk about you. I still have this big, emptiness there and I'm still not able to talk about you without crying (I'm crying even as I type this, Moo Moo), but I'm not so scared any more. I'm not so scared because I know that what I'm feeling is a reminder that you were there. That at one point in time, you sat on my lap and I stroked your head and you were.

Your loss was such a shock to me that for a long time, I did not want to open my heart to another dog. I was too afraid to. Afraid of what? I'm still not even sure. I helped take care of Princess, but my heart wasn't open. I cared about her, but I did not love her. Not like I love my dogs. Not like I love you. Then my sister got Ninja. I was a bit hesitant. Who was this little, black, fluff ball trying to make his way into my life? He was cute, but he was no you. Days turned to weeks, and weeks became a month and I feel head over heels for him. Cinnamon, it was bittersweet. It made me happy because I'd been worried that I had closed myself off too much, but it made me sad because I felt guilty. I felt guilty that I was holding this puppy, and playing with this puppy, and opening my heart to this puppy... when my wounds for you were still so fresh. And now, Cinnamon, now... there's another. Sweeney has come into our lives so suddenly and I felt that "click". That "click" that we felt with you. He is no you, of course. He's much different. The only thing you and him have in common is the amount of fur you leave behind on our carpet. But the fact that I can feel that click lets me know that, maybe, in time... this grief I'm feeling for you will be easier.

I still miss you. I still think of you every day. I still sleep with your favorite squeaky toy under my pillow at night and I still keep your collar in a place where I can always find it if I'm feeling low. I still cry when I talk about you, and still can't look at your pictures without shedding at least a tear. But I know that one day, I'll be able to think of you and smile through those tears. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even next month. But one day. Thank you, Cinnamon. Thank you for everything. Thank you for teaching me a little bit more about life, thank you for teaching me a lot about love, thank you for teaching me about loss, and thank you for allowing me to understand that just because I move on doesn't mean I have to forget. I am not replacing you. I hate the term replace. For you are not being replaced. You will always be with me - in my heart - so replacing you would be impossible. It's like my mother told me back in February, love doesn't divide, it only multiplies. For six long years you were my dog, my pet, my companion, my friend. And nothing could replace six years of unconditional love.

In loving memory of Cinnamon

This poem accurately describes how I feel about Sweeney and Cinnamon already,

Sometimes I look for traits in you
Of a little dog you never knew.......
A dog that loved me all his days
And understood in special ways.
But that's not fair to you, you elf;
You're not a substitute; but yourself!
You've eased the loss, soothed the pain
And tugged my laughter home again.
Yet, puppy, at times I almost start
When your eyes recall him to my heart;
You'll never lack for love, it's clear
Because of him, you're twice as dear.


Edited by author Sat Aug 27, '11 12:15am PST

(retired)min- ister misty

be calm, dont- worry!
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 3:05am PST 
misty whipes a tear away with her paw after reading this beautiful post for ciinamoncry
bless you...hughughughughughughughughughughughug

Always hug your- puppy...
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 3:59am PST 

Jovi, NPC,- CEGE

Momma's boy and- proud of it!!!
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 5:24am PST 
In loving- memory of- Cinnamon ~

A truly good dog- never really- leaves
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 10:34am PST 
Thank you everyone. hug

I didn't intend for this post to be this long, it kind of just happened. I'm not even sure what stage of grieving I'm in any more. I guess, I just take it one day at a time.


Still even more- to learn.
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 7:54pm PST 
I think this is the stage called acceptance. I think each of us reaches it in our own time. I'm happy for you that you have gotten there and I'm sure Cinnamon is as well.She would want you to be happy again and to learn to love again. What a beautiful tribute to her memory and what a wonderful gift for your new pup.

Don't worry,- be happy!
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 8:17pm PST 
What a wonderful tribute to Cinnamon. Absolutely beautiful! I am very sorry for your loss. Today is the one year anniversary of my dear Diesel. I just posted something as well, but you've captured sooo much of what I feel and said it so much better than I could .... he was my baby and I miss him so much! Pets bring so much to our lives.
In loving- memory of- Cinnamon ~

A truly good dog- never really- leaves
Barked: Sat Aug 27, '11 10:48pm PST 
Kai: I think acceptance sounds about right. It's weird knowing I've reached this step. As you said, we each reach it in our own time. I know Cinnamon would want me to be happy. She was always happy as long as all her humans were. Thank you. hug

Diesel: Thank you. I'm sorry for your loss, as well. What's strange about Cinnamon is that for those first several months, I couldn't write about it. I would try, but I was never exactly happy with the words. This was especially strange for me since I'm a writer. This post, however, once I started, the words just came. They found me, I didn't find them. Pets really do bring so much into our lives. I can't imagine a life without them.

RIP Diesel. hug

Barked: Sun Aug 28, '11 11:11am PST 
This was just way too beautiful. smile

Kisses and hugs to you, your family, and your furbabies.

Sweet boy
Barked: Sun Aug 28, '11 11:31am PST 
What a beautiful tribute to her.

hug hug hug
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