Worst I've Ever Felt

Whether a dog dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, this is the place to gather together to give and receive love and support when you experience the loss of a beloved dog.

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Zoe 2000 - 2009

Playing in piles- of snow and- dirty socks
Barked: Sun Mar 14, '10 10:03pm PST 
I lost Zoe almost six months ago now, but it still hurts.

She was only nine. She should have had a few years left. I feel she didn't have as good a life as she deserved. If I could go back in time, I would give her more walks, more petting, more pictures, and more fetch. Tons more.

I'm sorry for every time I was too lazy/distracted to throw the ball for you.
I'm sorry for every time I decided other things were more important than walking you.
I'm sorry you didn't get to see the snow one last time.
I'm sorry I didn't go with you and dad. I'd hoped you were coming back that day. I love you.

I'm sorry I was such a distracted teenager. I would give anything to hear your crazy, paranoid barking again. I know I can't change things, so I will try and make it right with Tai and Rika.

On top of all this, I accidentally did something terible. I had video of Zoe's last day when she was still feeling good. The last time she went down the slide in the park. After she was gone, I went to show that video to my Grandmother and my cousin, and I pressed the wrong button and deleted it!

I don't think I've ever felt worse in my entire life. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't speak. I was so incredibly, incomprehensibly angry at myself. I cannot even properly describe the feeling that day. I just wanted to punch myself for being so careless. Her last happy recorded moments, gone in a second. If I had just not clicked that button, it would still be there. It's been a while since then too, but I'm still angry at myself.

I heard there's a way to retrieve it, so I kept the memory card and never let anyone take new pictures with it. Sadly, the only free program I can find to retrieve it does not work with Windows Vista. Everyone I know has Vista, myself included. I can't really buy stuff over the internet to use the purchaseable programs. Some of them will show you the retrieved file and then ask you to pay for it to save it to your computer. That just made me feel like they were holding my memories ransom...-Sigh-

I will find a way to get that video back.

I miss her so much.

Edited by author Sun Mar 14, '10 10:16pm PST


Lexie-Mama's- girl but a- family favourite
Barked: Mon Mar 15, '10 12:05am PST 
I lost my precious Baileigh when she was only 5 years old, it's going to be a year in June. I still find myself getting very upset and crying myself to sleep over it and wondering if there was anything else I could have done. The only thing that keeps me going is the love of my Lexie and knowing she's in a better place now and i'll be there to be with her again someday! If you ever need a shoulder to cry on feel free to message me.

I am the Keeper
Barked: Mon Mar 15, '10 4:24am PST 
sweetie, dont dwell on what should have been, remember what was.

love, unconditional is what we give, we hold no grudges, we love our humans even tho they are not perfect

you are young, you have learned a lesson that you will remember the rest of your life, that your life is alot longer then ours. a good friend has a motto, it says hug your puppy everyday.

angel feather kisses to you

JR Angel

- cherished angel-
Barked: Mon Mar 15, '10 5:52am PST 
If you still have that computer, you can check your recycle bin if the video was on your hard drive and you accidentally deleted it you can restore it from there.. I hope you can find it there. There is usually a short cut to that recycle bin on your desktop. If you open that and see the video, you can right click over it and choose Restore.

Some of the information on this bereavement website may help you. It helped my mom to deal with the guilt after I died too.Pet Loss
Good luck and feel better. Zoe is here with us in heaven and is very happy and likes to hang around the kitchen and get scraps all day long.

Cooper- 1999-March- 13th, 2010

Hangin' with Mr.- Cooper
Barked: Mon Mar 15, '10 9:01am PST 
Oh Zoe's mum, please do not be sad and punish yourself any longer. Know that you were a great mum and that Zoe is happy and healthy up here with my beloved Cooper who passed on the 13th. I heard that things on computers are never really deleted so maybe you can contact the manufacturer and see if there is a way to retrieve your video. I second what JR Angel said and really do recommend the petloss.com site. Over the last couple of days, it has helped me immensely. Good luck and my thoughts are with you. Please update us on your ability to retrieve your video.
Scrappie- Dew@ Rainbow- Bridge

I am a- YIPPER!!!!
Barked: Mon Mar 15, '10 2:06pm PST 
little angellittle angellittle angellittle angellittle angellittle angel

Do not keep beating yourself up over Zoe. She was sent here for a reason and when she accomplished it, well, it was time for her to go. Check out the link that was posted for the Pet Loss thread and learn from her life. We wish you all the best.

Your furever furiend,
Scrappie Dew, ^PAWS^ & family

Barked: Tue Mar 16, '10 4:44am PST 
Hello--I am so sorry for you. You will feel better after time, please know that you were so good to that dog--you loved him and he knew it. No sense in back-tracking--you did all you could. Cheer up and try to feel better.

wigley- quigley,the- quigster
Barked: Tue Mar 16, '10 7:32am PST 
Its lovely to have photos , its lovely to watch film , but your real memories are in your heart. Do not feel bad, you loved your dog and all of us take time out and take a shorter walk, or miss a walk, are busy, forget to talk to our dog, some dogs never get a hug.dog
Sachi- (1997-2012)

Dirt is a girls- best friend!
Barked: Tue Mar 16, '10 1:49pm PST 
Wouldn't it be better to pay someone to retrieve the deleted video for you so that you can stop beating yourself up over it? Peace of mind is worth a lot. You wouldn't be paying someone to give back your "hostage" memory. You would be paying someone for their time and effort to fix a mistake you made. It's like paying someone to fix the dent in your car or to get rid of viruses on your computer. If you can't do it yourself, pay someone that can. It's how the world works.
Zoe 2000 - 2009

Playing in piles- of snow and- dirty socks
Barked: Tue Mar 16, '10 2:48pm PST 
Thanks everyone, you're being so helpful.

I can't retrieve it from the Recycle Bin though. I deleted it off the camera itself.

I'm tyring to find some way to get to a non-vista computer or find someone who cna buy things over the internet for a purchaseable program.
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