|Barked: Sun Mar 14, '10 10:03pm PST |
|I lost Zoe almost six months ago now, but it still hurts.
She was only nine. She should have had a few years left. I feel she didn't have as good a life as she deserved. If I could go back in time, I would give her more walks, more petting, more pictures, and more fetch. Tons more.
I'm sorry for every time I was too lazy/distracted to throw the ball for you.
I'm sorry for every time I decided other things were more important than walking you.
I'm sorry you didn't get to see the snow one last time.
I'm sorry I didn't go with you and dad. I'd hoped you were coming back that day. I love you.
I'm sorry I was such a distracted teenager. I would give anything to hear your crazy, paranoid barking again. I know I can't change things, so I will try and make it right with Tai and Rika.
On top of all this, I accidentally did something terible. I had video of Zoe's last day when she was still feeling good. The last time she went down the slide in the park. After she was gone, I went to show that video to my Grandmother and my cousin, and I pressed the wrong button and deleted it!
I don't think I've ever felt worse in my entire life. I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't speak. I was so incredibly, incomprehensibly angry at myself. I cannot even properly describe the feeling that day. I just wanted to punch myself for being so careless. Her last happy recorded moments, gone in a second. If I had just not clicked that button, it would still be there. It's been a while since then too, but I'm still angry at myself.
I heard there's a way to retrieve it, so I kept the memory card and never let anyone take new pictures with it. Sadly, the only free program I can find to retrieve it does not work with Windows Vista. Everyone I know has Vista, myself included. I can't really buy stuff over the internet to use the purchaseable programs. Some of them will show you the retrieved file and then ask you to pay for it to save it to your computer. That just made me feel like they were holding my memories ransom...-Sigh-
I will find a way to get that video back.
I miss her so much.
Edited by author Sun Mar 14, '10 10:16pm PST
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