|Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 11:10am PST |
|So I had been typing up a huge post in notepad a few days ago but I can't seem to find the document right now so I guess I'll try my best to explain things. I know I had another thread about Buddy but I'm in no mood to find it and...it may be best for a new thread so people don't have to wade through 10 pages to figure out what's going on.
Simply put, Buddy is NOT doing well.
For those that do not know, Buddy is my dog. He's old. About a year ago, he went into kidney failure and had a fight with Lyme disease. With pills and antibiotics, he came out of it- even though the vets said he wasn't going to make it a month.
He lasted a year, but he had permanent damage to his kidneys. A year! I'm entirely grateful we had him so long. But lately, he's been plagued with arthritis. We can't give him Rimadyl or Metacam due to his kidneys, so we give him buffered aspirin- one at morning, one at night. He's done alright thus far but now...god guys, it is looking bad.
A week ago, we had two storms come in and he was not doing good. He peed in the house a few times, he was very stiff...we thought we were going to have to put him down. Mom said if he didn't improve by the end of the week, that was it.
He bounced back as always within a few days, perking up after the storms blew out so we thought it must have been the weather. But now...he's dropped back into doing awful. He was so stiff this morning, he could NOT get up. He peed on one of his beds.
When we did get him up, his back legs went out and he flopped over. I pinched and played with his pawpads to see if he still had feeling and you can see him pull them away and you can see the muscles twitch so he's not paralyzed. But...he's so stiff. He is not bearing much weight on them, if any. He had to poop earlier and it was awful to watch him drag himself across the kitchen in such a hurry to get out.
Me and mom picked him up and carried him down the steps, but we had to hold him as he pooped and peed or he would have toppled clean over. I know it. We carried him back in and laid him on his bed but...I don't know how much longer we can do this. it's not fair to him.
I like to think it's just a short thing and he'll bounce back in a few days but it's looking bad. He has an appointment for the vet's to look at a paw he cut earlier (one that's swollen now and is likely infected- front paw) but...getting him in will be hard. Dad's going to help me and all but...
I dunno guys. I really think that after a year's fight it may be time to consider putting him down. I go back to school next Monday and there will be no one to tend to him while I'm gone (mum works 9:30-6pm, and my sisters have school). And really? I just think it's no fair to keep him going.
You don't think I'm crazy, do you? I feel like...putting him down would be betraying Buddy, though. His eyes, his spirit...you can tell he WANTS to get up and be active, and his tail still thumps when we walk by. I feel like putting him down would be like murder. And after posting on his status every so often and having people here being so encouraging, I feel like I'd be betraying all of you too. Like I'm giving up when I could be doing more. But I don't want to be one of those people who keep their pets alive far longer than they should because they can't let go.
I just don't know. But I do have a feeling this is the end, that this thread won't last a year like my other. I guess I'm mongering for comfort again and asking you what you think, what I can do. I had been ready a year ago to say goodbye and do the right thing but after a year of him doing so well...I'm back to being scared and miserable about losing one of my best buddies.
Oh, and confused as hell- I mean, how long do you give them to bounce back before you make the choice? How long can I keep toting my dog outside to pee? People say you'll know but...I don't. What if everyone knows but me and I'm just holding things back? I don't want to lose my Buddy, but I don't want to make him suffer so I can be happy.
This is shaping up to be a miserable new year...
EDIT: We finally made the decision. The vet will be coming tomorrow afternoon to put Buddy down. See my last few posts for more details but the short version? After our appointment with the vet...we made the choice that we can't let Buddy go on in such a sickly body. Thanks for the support, guys.
Edited by author Tue Jan 8, '08 10:00am PST
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