A Bad Turn

Whether a dog dies, is lost or stolen, or must be placed in a new home, this is the place to gather together to give and receive love and support when you experience the loss of a beloved dog.

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[In Memory- of] Buddy- [RiP]

You pups today!
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 11:10am PST 
So I had been typing up a huge post in notepad a few days ago but I can't seem to find the document right now so I guess I'll try my best to explain things. I know I had another thread about Buddy but I'm in no mood to find it and...it may be best for a new thread so people don't have to wade through 10 pages to figure out what's going on.

Simply put, Buddy is NOT doing well.

For those that do not know, Buddy is my dog. He's old. About a year ago, he went into kidney failure and had a fight with Lyme disease. With pills and antibiotics, he came out of it- even though the vets said he wasn't going to make it a month.

He lasted a year, but he had permanent damage to his kidneys. A year! I'm entirely grateful we had him so long. But lately, he's been plagued with arthritis. We can't give him Rimadyl or Metacam due to his kidneys, so we give him buffered aspirin- one at morning, one at night. He's done alright thus far but now...god guys, it is looking bad.

A week ago, we had two storms come in and he was not doing good. He peed in the house a few times, he was very stiff...we thought we were going to have to put him down. Mom said if he didn't improve by the end of the week, that was it.

He bounced back as always within a few days, perking up after the storms blew out so we thought it must have been the weather. But now...he's dropped back into doing awful. He was so stiff this morning, he could NOT get up. He peed on one of his beds.

When we did get him up, his back legs went out and he flopped over. I pinched and played with his pawpads to see if he still had feeling and you can see him pull them away and you can see the muscles twitch so he's not paralyzed. But...he's so stiff. He is not bearing much weight on them, if any. He had to poop earlier and it was awful to watch him drag himself across the kitchen in such a hurry to get out.

Me and mom picked him up and carried him down the steps, but we had to hold him as he pooped and peed or he would have toppled clean over. I know it. We carried him back in and laid him on his bed but...I don't know how much longer we can do this. it's not fair to him.

I like to think it's just a short thing and he'll bounce back in a few days but it's looking bad. He has an appointment for the vet's to look at a paw he cut earlier (one that's swollen now and is likely infected- front paw) but...getting him in will be hard. Dad's going to help me and all but...

I dunno guys. I really think that after a year's fight it may be time to consider putting him down. I go back to school next Monday and there will be no one to tend to him while I'm gone (mum works 9:30-6pm, and my sisters have school). And really? I just think it's no fair to keep him going.

You don't think I'm crazy, do you? I feel like...putting him down would be betraying Buddy, though. His eyes, his spirit...you can tell he WANTS to get up and be active, and his tail still thumps when we walk by. I feel like putting him down would be like murder. And after posting on his status every so often and having people here being so encouraging, I feel like I'd be betraying all of you too. Like I'm giving up when I could be doing more. But I don't want to be one of those people who keep their pets alive far longer than they should because they can't let go.

I just don't know. But I do have a feeling this is the end, that this thread won't last a year like my other. I guess I'm mongering for comfort again and asking you what you think, what I can do. I had been ready a year ago to say goodbye and do the right thing but after a year of him doing so well...I'm back to being scared and miserable about losing one of my best buddies.

Oh, and confused as hell- I mean, how long do you give them to bounce back before you make the choice? How long can I keep toting my dog outside to pee? People say you'll know but...I don't. What if everyone knows but me and I'm just holding things back? I don't want to lose my Buddy, but I don't want to make him suffer so I can be happy.

This is shaping up to be a miserable new year...

EDIT: We finally made the decision. The vet will be coming tomorrow afternoon to put Buddy down. See my last few posts for more details but the short version? After our appointment with the vet...we made the choice that we can't let Buddy go on in such a sickly body. Thanks for the support, guys.

Edited by author Tue Jan 8, '08 10:00am PST


My Mama loves- me.
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 11:43am PST 
I'm so sorry about Buddy. But, I think at this point, you need to start looking at the quality of his life. I know that if Cooper was that stiff with arthritis and I had to watch him drag himself across the room to get to the door, it would totally break my heart and it's something I couldn't bare to watch day after day. He's lived a good long life and I know you'll know when it's time to let him run at the Bridge and know he'll be pain free and arthritis free and he will watch over you and know what a wonderful friend you were to him. And he'll know that you did everything in your power to save him and keep him comfortable while he was so sick. hug and Prayers.

Edit: I just re-read your post and if no one will be there, then maybe it is time to let him go. You don't want his last days to laying on his bed peeing and pooping on himself because he can't hold it or can't get up.cry I know it's hard and I can't say I know how you feel because I've never been in this kind of situation, but I absolutely do not think you are crazy. You are a person that loves their pet and it's one of the hardest decisions to make. But I know you love him and it sounds like you know it might be his time. hug

Edited by author Mon Jan 7, '08 11:54am PST

~Angel (RIP- 11/20/07)~

Busy sprinkling- angel dust all- day
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 12:16pm PST 
Hi Buddy and mom...This makes us so sad. I know how you feel. Angel had cancer. I promised her that I would let her go as soon as she was in a lot of pain. One day I came home from work and saw that she had gotten sick. She didn't eat at all that night and couldn't even keep her water down. I thought for sure that was the time. The next day though, she was a teeny bit better. So I didn't do it. She lasted ten more days after that, which I am so grateful for. Her last couple of days she stopped eating completely, started getting sick again, would stumble on her walks, and just looked so sad and miserable. I knew that it was time and it was the right thing. I told her that night that I loved her and thought it was time. She looked up at me and licked my face over and over. She hadn't done that in weeks, so I felt like she was telling me she was ready. But even her last day, she would wag her tail at me. That was the hardest thing. She would seem full of life for a few seconds like that, but then back to being sick. But I knew I couldn't let her go on that way. I wouldn't want to live in that condition so I knew I couldn't make her do that either.

No one can make the decision for you. But if it were me, I couldn't bear the thought of being away and leaving my pup in that condition. What if something happens to him and you aren't there? That would be even worse, I think.

Sending many hugs to you and your sweet pup. hug hug

[In Memory- of] Buddy- [RiP]

You pups today!
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 1:09pm PST 
Thanks guys for the reassurance that I'm not a horrible person for considering putting him down. It's funny...it's easy for me to console people, to talk to them when their pets die or have to be put down (good thing since I'll be a Vet tech in a few years) and just talk them through things- or as easy as that sort of thing can be- but when it's my own pets...I have a hard time following what I tell other people. It's like my composure falls all to pieces.

It's just rough. That dog that hauled himself across the kitchen floor this morning isn't the same dog that hauled mom across the backyard years ago. I just feel so bad. I just had a burrito for lunch and he hauled himself off his bed and- after taking a few steps and flopping again- dragged himself over to beg for some food. The spirit is clearly vital and willing but the body is weak and frail.

I'll be gone Monday to Thursday mornings at school an hour away. My sisters don't get home until 2pm at the earliest, but 3:30pm on average. And if my middle sister decides to go hang out with her boyfriend or not show up as she normally does...my youngest sister is only a little 13 year old. She can't lift that dog. It's unfair to have her clean up after him all the time too.

If he doesn't come out of this in a few days...we are going to have a family meeting and decide what to do. It's looking grim. I don't want him to suffer...but I don't want to feel like I gave up too quick.

Thanks guys. It's just a bummer to see my mom crying over it too. He's our family's dog. We've all raised him from a puppy. It's a pity dogs don't live longer, huh?
~Angel (RIP- 11/20/07)~

Busy sprinkling- angel dust all- day
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 1:29pm PST 
Yep. I would give anything to have my girl back.

It's good that you have your family to help you decide. I actually took Angel to my mom's and we stayed there her last week because I didn't want to leave her alone while I was at work. I came home the last night, and my mom just said 'I think it's time.' Which I knew, but it helped that she saw it too, so I knew I was doing the right thing. It's so hard. It's maybe the hardest thing I've ever been through.
Buca, Rest- in Peace my- Love

I'll always love- you Mummie!
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 1:44pm PST 
It's one of your hardest decisions in life to do....

Our prayers are with you at this time. hug

I am the Keeper
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 4:10pm PST 
if I may steal a line or two from a fellow angel,Cherry.

make a list of thhe 5 favorite things, when it is no longer posible to do them, its time.

it is not murder, it is the last great act of love
we are very good at masking pain.we rarly whimper and whine, we will still try to please.we will spend our last breath doing what we know will make you smile.its just they way we are

only you can make that choice. your heart will tell you when
[In Memory- of] Buddy- [RiP]

You pups today!
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 5:55pm PST 
The list of five things...I've tried to think of five things he loved but I can only come up with three right now. I just sort of am having a hard time thinking right now.

1) Car rides
2) Going to camp
3) Laying in sunbeams/ by the fire

He can't go on long car rides- he either pees or gets sick nowadays. he still will crawl in the car excitedly, though. So that's sort of on the fence. He can't go to camp anymore because he can't do long car rides and...with his hips like this, he wouldn't enjoy it. He can still lay in the sun, though.

Still...he's eating and drinking fine. He still tried to haul himself over to beg for bagel bites again tonight. It's hard to think of putting him down when his spirit seems so strong. He lifts his head and just looks like he normally does...he just can't get up. But...what good is spirit when your body is a husk?

We're going to see if the vet has anything to say about how his hips started hurting (they were decent yesterday- this sudden problem with his back legs was a surprise) and see what can be done, but I have a feeling he's going to agree and say we need to put Buddy down.

It's just hard to swallow. Mum wanted to do it tomorrow, but I got her to give him a day. Tomorrow, he goes to the vet to get his toe checked out and the likes and if he doesn't get better or if the vet has nothing to say, we're going to make an appointment to have a vet come here and put him down in his home, in a place he loves...it's better than nothing, I suppose. I just think burying him out back might be a bit difficult. But hey, if we have to go out with ice picks, we will, I suppose. I dunno. it's hard for everyone to make proper plans.

My little sister had a fit when mum told her too- Danielle know the dog since she was 2 or 3 years old! They grew up together. It's another reason I told mum to give him until the day after tomorrow; to give Dee a little time to accept things (and to give me some time too)...
Snapdraggon'- s Sasaki- Aka, PAWS

Small but- Mighty!
Barked: Mon Jan 7, '08 7:52pm PST 
You and your family have been wonderful parents to your Buddy. You're not crazy at all. You're beginning to realize that Buddy's reaching the end of his life. Letting your pet go is one of the most difficult and painful decision an owner has to make. It will hurt for a long time. Eventually, you'll be able to concentrate on the good times without falling apart. It's absolutely normal for you to grieve over Buddy. After all, you're losing a special member of your family. hughughug
Coco, Canela and Saki
[In Memory- of] Buddy- [RiP]

You pups today!
Barked: Tue Jan 8, '08 9:26am PST 
So...we made the decision. After talking and going to the vet's, we decided we're going to put Buddy down tomorrow afternoon. The vet will be coming to our house so Buddy an pass in a place he's familiar and comfortable with. We're going to tell Dee today when she gets back from school so she has a chance to say her goodbyes.

It's just...he was able to get up a bit today to pee and he kept sitting up in the car on the way to the vets and perking his ears. He looked so alert but...it's not fair to keep him going. The vet said he looked terribly pale in the gums and that he didn't like the way Buddy's kidney's felt. He said that Buddy was losing muscles mass and just wasn't putting weight on and with all that...putting him to sleep would be the best.

He said he COULD give Buddy stronger ache meds or Lyme pills again but...we all talked about and what good would it be? The poor dog is...just not well. It's not fair to keep him alive for us. Hard as it is...I really think we have to do this.

Mom was crying, I was trying hard not to cry (I...hate seeming weak like that) and even Dad- who comes from the era of 'dogs are dogs and not little humans and need a thump when they eat the garbage' - looked like he was trying hard not to cry. I need to dig some of the snow out of the grave out back and uncover the dirt pile so we can bury him tomorrow after everything.

A friend of the family recently put their dog down after it had a stroke and she offered support whenever we needed it. She even offer to come help chip at the dirt pile when the time came. I'm grateful for friends like that. I'm grateful for the amazing support I've gotten here too over the last year and this most recent time.

Thanks guys for making me feel less like a an awful person and reassuring me I am doing the right thing. Tomorrow gonna be hell for everyone but...it's for the best. I hope so, anyways.
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