Too sexy for my- shirt.
|Barked: Mon Feb 20, '12 12:01am PST |
|I know I have been absent for a number of months...
I just need to post and get some stressed relived..
I have been having a really hard time lately..
I think most of you veteran users know that Barks (now Kipling), has been retired and re-homed due to stress issues. But I've been here and there since..
I had acquired a Maltese, that turned into a great ESA and showed as a good training prospect. Well after he had settled in for a couple of months I began Winston's training.. The vet had said he was most likely 1.5 - 2 years old. (took us by surprise, we had been told that he was 4 months, and even though I knew that couldn't be true his teeth were so good I though he couldn't be too much older) He finished training in about 6 months, he was so willing to learn and wanted to please that he probably could have passed as a full SD in 3 months.
Less than a month after passing his PAT, he started showing behavioral issues.. Well I put him back in training status and worked with him more. Well the as time went by the more specific (and often) his problems were occurring. Talking to several people (most professionals), we had decided that he was having vision problems. I let another week or two pass and tried to work him again. He was *defiantly* going blind.. Poor guy, he loved to work so much..
So I retired him promptly in August 2011..
Around the same time, I saved a pibble mix that I called Jello (from being taking to the shelter).. I figured that I was going to have him for a bit, and gave him a TT to assess his personality for adopters.. He passed with flying colors, and as I started basic obedience, he showed great potential. I started socializing him as preparing him for SD work..
At the time I was not living at home. I had moved in with a couple of friends in their apartment.
I crashed and burned shortly after Winston retired, and had to move back into my parents house. Whom put their foot down that I couldn't keep Jello in the house. Even though he was doing great in his training, etc, they refused to even reason with me on this. So I gave him up to a rescue..
The same week Jello went to rescue, Winston went to his new home.. He still very much wanted to work, and was very unhappy/stressed not being able to go with me. It was for the best, he is *very* happy to be in his new home.
That *very* same week. My cat Keesa got hit by a car.
As you can imagine I was a *wreck*.. I ended up getting admitted to the BHC for about 12 days.
When I got out, I was still not doing so good, but better than when I went in.. I was staying in bed all day every day.. I didn't have much to be motivated for. And I had too hard of a time to go anywhere that wasn't required for life..
So I was looking at Craigslist, just looking at cute pups... I saw an ad, "Orphaned newborn pups!".. I of course HAD to look... 2 week old Chi/Doxie mix pups.. Mom died when they were a week old.. I talked to my parents and they agreed to let me save one to hand raise. I had not done this before so it was to be a learning experience, and give me something to keep me busy. I called and they were holding one for me until I could get down there (3 hour drive).. One day I woke up and said, "We HAVE/NEED, to go get that puppy TODAY...". Mom was reluctant but I pushed it and we went..
Thank god we did... They didn't know what the hell they were doing.. Feeding cows milk, 2x a day.. First meal I gave him he ate 10 ounces... (He himself was only 12oz) And he was STILL ravenous crying for more, sucking on my finger.. First week I had him we ended up going to the E-vet 3 times...
Well as he got older I got worse, him not needing me every second..
I ended up being admitted again in October because of a fight with my parents..
Things sucked for October, tense with parents, and sister moving back in the house..
November my parents and I had another HUGE argument.. (Which you know triggers the crap out of me.) and I left 12 hours later. I called my best friend of 6 years. She bought me a greyhound bus ticket to Oregon, and I high-jacked it out of there..
I brought Bruno with me, thank God the bus didn't have an issue with it.. (4 lb, 3 1/2 month old pup) He slept the whole time..
Well, friends landlord ended up getting cranky with having me stay there for 3 months. My friends made sure I was safe, but I had to leave. Well I had *just* re-homed Bruno because he was ready for a home, and I was looking for a SD prospect.
Homeless, without (emotional) support of any kind, has taken its toll on me. But it also taught me a lot.
Having to ride public buses to get anywhere, on my own completely for shopping, and finding a safe place to sleep...
Well I saw a craigslist ad for an old lady needing a roommate.. Thought it was a scam as she stated it would be free room and board but met her and moved in a couple days later..
Only been here a couple days. But I am ready to sleep for a week.. The stress I've been going through, not to mention my physical abilities are worsening, due to the EDS and (suspected) POTS and blood disorder.
Now that I am in here (I knew before I moved in) I can't have a dog or cat or ESA of any kind..
I am starting to rip at the seams..
I've been doing rather well considering.. Being thrown out to sink or swim, you kinda have to learn to rely and trust yourself really fast...
I guess I just wanted to be able to type this all up to get it off my chest..
I also wanted to keep you guys in the loop..
Other than that there really wasn't a reason to post this.
I get so excited about you guys and your SDITs and SDs, and watching training sessions, and such that I want to train my dog. Then I remember I don't have one. I haven't been without a dog/cat in more than 7 years. This is, probably *the* hardest thing I've gone through since my G-ma died.. Also the key thing in me learning coping skills and being independent.
I'm going to take a much needed relaxing bath now..
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