 Barked: Sat Jan 6, '07 7:19pm PST |
 | |  | | Okay so I'm not going to post all 6 pages of this but I'll leave the link for those who wish to read more.
At first glance, the Border Collie (BC) looks like a typical working dog. Border Collie aficionados have graphically described the BC as a well-proportioned chunk of muscle. His coat is short to medium with color combinations that include black and white, red and white and merle with white. The ears do a variety of things from standing up to tipping over and pointing north and south. Many casual dog owners have mistaken this for an ordinary dog and taken it home. They spend an average of six weeks in rehab getting over the experience.
A few do survive owning a BC. There have been no formal research studies describing the characteristics of the successful BC owner. However, anecdotal reports would suggest that these people:
--> Have very strong egos that are not threatened by a dog smarter than themselves;
-->Have superior verbal skills that allow them to explain to the neighbors why all of their children are standing in a tight group, pinned against the house, under the watchful eye of their BC;
-->Are able to substitute other activities for the BC's desire to bring bikes, motorcycles, and cars to a standstill; and
-->Believe in a Supreme Being.
Let me explain that last, controversial comment. It became clear to me in my reading and observation for this article that ownership of a BC ceased to be about owning a dog at some point in history. It became a religion. In order to see if the relationship between BC and owner does in fact meet the criteria, let's start with the Webster definition of religion:
A belief in a divine or superhuman power to be obeyed and worshiped as the creator and ruler of the universe
Expression of belief in conduct and ritual
A specific system of beliefs involving a code of ethics and a philosophy
Let's see if interactions between people and BC fit this bill.
Church of the Divine Border Collie
Proof One:
Border Collie people believe, and possibly rightfully, that this is a breed superior to all others. They state unequivocally that they are the world's finest sheepdogs, that they have a stunning intelligence, and that even in a world of technology, they will never be replaced by a machine. Clearly this dog is seen as superhuman. This belief exists despite documented cases of BCs trying for several hours to herd a stump.
Proof Two:
Border Collies have a trait called, "THE EYE." The eye is a hypnotic stare that the BC turns on anything it wants to control. BC owners talk about "THE EYE" with reverence and love to expound on the way the dogs use it to control sheep. It would be fine if these dogs used "THE EYE" only with sheep, but the BC turns "THE EYE" on anything it might engage to produce fun or work.
Recently I dog-sat a BC for the weekend. Two days. Forty-eight hours of being stared at. No blinking. Unwavering scrutiny. In human culture, staring is wrong. Parents invest incredible energy teaching children not to stare. Being stared at briefly is uncomfortable. Try an hour with a Border Collie if you want to experience serious discomfort.
Every time a BC stares, there is a single message embedded in the gaze. In the case of my houseguest, the communication was clear: BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL, BALL. After several hours, I could not stand the tension. I threw the ball until tendonitis set in. I had to take three Advil and a nap. The dog stared at me during the entire nap from approximately three inches away.
Learning to live every day in the presence of "THE EYE" without being institutionalized for a mental or physical collapse is at the heart of success in this religion. Other religions have hair shirts and Hail Marys. The Church of the Divine Border Collie has "THE EYE."
The Truth
Sorry about the length but I found those first pages really funny |  |  | |  |
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I giggled myself to tears with this one. Perfect! Now if only my 'puter would load that link... 
The Dog Show: Who's Your Mama?
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