|Barked: Wed Nov 9, '11 10:41pm PST |
|Our shepherd was slowing down, she was losing her hearing and we suspected sight. She was on meds for her immune disorder, her hips were beginning to give on her with some days being worse than others.
We knew that day would be coming. I woke up every day wondering when she'd let us know. Sure she was slowing down, but she still had a crazy appetite and still went on walks and liked to try and chase the squirrels. She slept a lot, but what older being doesn't? I thought I was prepared. I told myself time and time again, that we just didn't have that much time left. I knew everyday was a blessing. I read books on grief, and joined a forum. I wrote poems, and tried to just enjoy my life with her. If she wanted to rest we took it easy, if she seemed up to it we went for walks. And lots of extra treats. I foolishly thought I was prepared, she was "Old, and had lived a good life, right?" and thought knowing those things would somehow ease my suffering.
But when I got a text from my mom telling me to come straight home from school...I somehow knew why. I felt this huge rock in my stomach and my heart sank. I drove home slower than usual, an awkward silence in the car. Tears began to well before I even got home. When we got her into the car, no on spoke. I held back tears as my mind raced...her last ride in the car. The last time I'd walk her through those double doors. The last time I'd touch her... the last time she'd ever look at me and me at her in such a way that I swore she knew what I was thinking.
A part of me died with her...and as much as you can prepare and think you're ready and know it's the right thing to do... it doesn't matter. You cannot prepare for the loss of your best friend. I think some preparation of knowing what to expect and dealing with the reality of it can be somewhat helpful...but in the end like everyone else has said, you can't.
A part of me died that day, although she'll forever live within my heart.
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