Kinda need some advice ( dad in laws dog)

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Late Christmas- Baby
Barked: Sun Jan 20, '13 11:27am PST 
Well trying to find a way to say this right I mean after all we have all had tough binds with dogs in one shape of form and I need some advice.

My dad in law lost his place he has till feb to move out ( his landlord is being nice bout this.) and well he has a lot of pets. He is willing to get rid of the 4 cats, the bird, and the 5 rabbits that he has BUT he wants to keep his dog and as much as I love dogs.... I really don't want this dog in my house. We have 2 cats and my ESA lab puppy who just hit 12 months old. This is hard as his dog is a mutt ( a poodle mix maybe?) and well is severely under socialized. She barks at everything that walks in the house ( his place) and is afraid of everything outside of her bubble. My step mom in law never socalized her right and my dad in law doesn't understand that he needs to help her. It breaks my heart as I write this but I really don't want and need my lab to pick up his dogs bad habits. We live in a Apt complex and if she does this barking all the time they can ask us to make him leave >_< and since no one else in the family is willing to help him it falls on me and my hubby to find a way. I'm looking for advice for what to do or how to approuch him ( dad in law) on this. He has lost everything. His wife died last year of cancer, He lost his job ( one of them) his state benfits got cut. He needs a break but I can't have his dog here. I don't know what to do.>_
Tiller- (Skansen's- Ira in the M

I DO Exist...To- Drive You Batty
Barked: Sun Jan 20, '13 11:48am PST 
This is more a relationship question, IMO. How does your spouse feel? It's his dad, whose life has obviously taken many bad turns, and the one thing he can hold onto and wants to is his dog. If your spouse very much wants to help his dad, you have a problem. For in marriage, this is the "thin" part (referencing thick and thin), and what will define things. All the great gestures in the world won't be on the tally when someone needed their spouse to step up, dig deep, knowing that this was a tremendous extension and hard for them, to be there as they needed them to be.

Of course if your spouse is of the same mindset, totally different ballgame.

So my advices are -

a) if your spouse really wants to help his dad, just hit the books and advice columns and be prepared to manage this. It won't be forever - your FIL wants his dog back and is simply in transition. Suck it up, in other words wink Any dog is manageable in the short term.

b) if your spouse is of your same mind, then you need to work together to find an alternative answer. Try to find a foster. Pool money from the family to board the dog. Anything. This is a heart breaking situation. Don't lose sight of that....it will pay dividends in the long run in so many ways.

It's a family thing. You do what you must and all that you can. Sorry to be a hardliner, but this does come down to you, so you have to think of ways to make it work....there are many avenues....rather than reasons that you can't. I am not saying the dog has to live there, but rather than thinking of ways to explain the whys to FIL, you need to think of ways to help, whatever those may be. I promise you in the long run, it will pay dividends in your life and on your conscience.

Edited by author Sun Jan 20, '13 11:51am PST


When the night- closes in I will- be there
Barked: Sun Jan 20, '13 10:21pm PST 
I agree with Tiller in that any dog is manageable in the short term. But I also wanted to share something personal with you.
Many years ago my life hit a devastating downward spiral. In the space of a few months I lost my health, my job, my boyfriend(who is now my ex husband) and finally my home. At the time I owned my Great Dane, who everyone In my family hated and who was much larger then allowed in most rental properties. I vividly remember everyone telling me to get rid of the dog so they could help me. And I remember the hopelessness and fear I felt. I had no money and nowhere to go. I had lost everything and they wanted to take away my best friend, I was heartbroken. I ended up living in my car for two months until a total stranger opened his home to us. I have never forgotten the loneliness and fear I felt and I have never forgiven my family.
Please think about it from his point of view, and think about what relationship you want with him in the future.


Late Christmas- Baby
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 9:04am PST 
thing is guys we are only allowed 3 animals in our apt complex and we have brought boarding up to my FIL and he has refused to go that route and again the barking is so bad ( she barks for hrs if she hears something outside or if someone knocks on the door) and we are strapped we don't have the funds to help FIL with a behaviorist. I know for a fact that we will be told to get rid of the dog by the complex as for this being short term we ( me and hubby ) know for a fact that it won't be. His dad's health is declining and he is bout 65ish. Everyone in the fam is oblivious to what FIL is going through and will not help him the one person who would have room for him and his dog as already said no and no one is willing to foster his dog till we ( me hubby and fil) can get to a bigger place ( which is a year maybe sooner as I'm pregnant too) This isn't a matter of me not wanting him to keep his dog. Its a matter of not being fined and ect for the barking. We have tired the following and it doesn't work with her at all. Clicker training ( all it did was make her bark more) crating her till she calms down. ( again makes the barking worse) my step mom in law had even used ( I hate these things will never use one) a shock collar to keep her ( dog is a she) from barking and none of it worked. This is a socialization issue and I don't have the know how to help her and FIL just simply doesn't want to do it. We ( me and hubby ) both want to help his dad but we can't have 4 animals in our apt. Especially one that constantly barks. For all I know she could try to come after my own pup and I cannot risk it.
Shiver Me- Timbers- "Charlie"

My Little Dog, a- heartbeat at my- feet.<3
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 1:31pm PST 
Hate to point this out..

For all I know she could try to come after my own pup and I cannot risk it. For all you know, she could pick up GOOD habits from your dog, or really like your dog, or vice versa. OR.. Your dog could decide she doesn't like the other dog and go after HER. Changes perspective a little, doesn't it?

I'm in agreeance with Tiller and Sabi.

Unfortunately, it sounds like you're not even willing to TRY to make it work - and because of that, I'm wondering if the only reason you posted was to reassure yourself of a decision you've clearly already made.

There ARE ways to curb barking. It sounds like nobody has been CONSISTENT with working on it, which sounds like the ultimate issue. It DOES NOT sound like a socialization issue. It sounds like a lack of confidence, and boredom.

If the complex told you that the dog had to be removed, that's fine. If it comes to that, cross that bridge when it comes to it. If you have an SD and an ESA like your profile suggests, then if I'm correct on the laws, they DO NOT count towards the number of PETS ALLOWED in your building. I may be wrong on the ESA, but I do know SD's don't count as pets. Have you tried posting an ad up for temporary foster? Or.. I dunno, contacting a rescue about fostering temporarily even?

There are a lot of options in this situation.

Quite frankly, I'm with Sabi on the fact that if while I was homeless, anyone had told me to get rid of my dog, or said they wouldn't have my dog in their homes, I would have stayed in my car, or, goodness forbid, on the streets even. My dog is my life and has saved me from edges a person cannot go back from. If there's one thing that helps a person get through loss, it's the unconditional love and loyalty of one's devoted best friend. I got lucky and all of my family, no matter what, would have taken me into their homes, my dog included.

You, however, sound set in your decision and don't even sound like you're willing to try at all. You sound set in your ways and it does seem like you posted to reassure yourself. It sounds, ultimately, like you're trying to confirm that your decision is the right one, for the right reasons, and you'll keep making reasons it CAN'T work.

And if that's the case, you may as well just have a talk with him and tell him that your mind is made up and his dog isn't welcome. He'll do whatever he'll do from there.

I apologize if I come off rude, in any way.

Edited by author Mon Jan 21, '13 1:32pm PST


Whippy- The- Whipador
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 2:03pm PST 
I can appreciate you being in a tough situation here, and after all this is your house we're talking about and your rules and wishes.

But, i have to agree with Charlie and what has been said already. Think of it from your FIL's point of view having lost everything already, are you really prepared for him to give up on his dog too? Even if you could persuade him to give her up to a rescue organization or whatever, there is no guarantee she would be offered a new home and could well be PTS even. Both situations that would surely devastate your FIL.

I don't know about where you are, but here in the UK we have a charity that helps in these specific situations. Homes taking in dogs on short term or sometimes even permanent foster basis for people, especially the elderly, who have no where else to turn and/or are in ill health or facing hospital admission etc. It would be a very good idea in your situation to do as much research into anything that might be similarly offered where you are. Contact some charities and see what they can advise or where they can point you in the right direction to receive further help. You owe that much to your FIL at least, if he cooperates of course.

Edited by author Mon Jan 21, '13 2:03pm PST

Toto, CD, RN, CGC

We don't do- doodles!!!
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 2:21pm PST 
My boarding kennel offers an "emergency" boarding service, as do many others in our area. Have you checked with local kennels for this service??
I am also in agreement with Charlie and I believe it was Tyler. Perhaps if you envision yourself in a situation where you are forced to give up YOUR dog you may see this in another light.
Justification by saying others won't do it so I am not going to either may work for some but to me, it makes you just like the others and not willing to help. Frankly, I do what I can for others feeling that someday I may be in the same situation or even worse. How can I expect any help if I fail to offer any when asked of me??? Think about it!

It ain't over- till the fat- kitty sings
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 2:30pm PST 
A suprising helping hand might be through domestic violence resources. Although this is more of a homeless senior, some domestic violence groups have referrals for pet care in difficult situations. Also maybe a local shelter could arrange foster respite care. Meaning your father in laws dog wouldn't be up for adoption or anything but would have care until he can get back on his feet. Explore your options, it's worth a try

High-flyin' Pup!
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 6:52pm PST 
Also, if barking is your biggest concern, a bark collar can be a good tool. I don't even put a battery in Jasper's bark collar anymore, he learned to keep quiet when it was on and that was that.

Member Since
Barked: Mon Jan 21, '13 8:23pm PST 
if your labrador really is an ESA, he doesn't count towards a pet allowance.
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