Miss Lily, Lily- Belle
|Barked: Tue Feb 12, '13 4:50am PST |
I'm so sorry for your pain.
6 years ago, I had to put my beloved Dog down. Making the decision to do so was so hard. I'd decide it was time, make the appointment, but the next day, we'd get up and he'd be better, so I'd put it off.
Like you, I had a dog I grew up with, Sudsy, a Manchester Terrier. She was 19 also, but was relatively healthy until she had a stroke, and her left side was paralyzed. That essentially made the decision for us, so while it was terribly painful, it didn't prepare me for what I had to do for Dog.
When I finally put him down, I was devastated, and swore I would not get another dog, and have to go through that pain again. A few weeks later, though, I saw a story on the news about a badly-abused dog who had been declared unadoptable because of her anxiety and would be put down unless a spot could be found for her in a no-kill shelter. I was very moved, and went to meet her the very next day. Once I laid eyes on her, that was it, and she's still with me today.
At first, I felt guilty, like I was somehow being disloyal to Dog, especially when I got another dog so soon, but I soon realized the love I have for Lily doesn't diminish the love I have for Dog. Just as a parent can love more than one child, I learned I could love more than one dog. He's been gone for more than 6 years, but I still think about my sweet baby, Dog every day. Sometimes, I still cry over him, as I am now. Still, I have a WONDERFUL relationship with Lily, and I am so glad she is with me.
The depth of your grief is heartbreaking, and I am so, so sorry for what you're going through. It says something very important about you, though. It says that you are the kind of person dogs need. Every day, thousands of amazing, wonderful dogs; dogs just like your Jac, and my Dog, and my Lily, are put down simply because they aren't lucky enough to have someone like you to love them, and care for them.
Why don't you consider volunteering at a local shelter? That's how I met Dog. I was in a new town, in a job I hated, and was totally miserable. I got the idea of exercising dogs at my local SPCA one day a week. They're always short-handed, and I learned if someone comes to meet a dog, and when they inevitably say "hello" to the dog, if the dog reaches out to shake, they are charmed and are highly likely to adopt it, so that's what I did. I worked with many dogs, but Dog stole my heart, and even though my lease said "no pets", I adopted him and had 14 incredible years with him.
It was worth getting kicked out of my apartment.
Don't deprive yourself of dogs, and don't deprive dogs of you. Someone who loves as deeply as you do is someone a dog out there somewhere needs.
I hope this helps,
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