GO!

My Dog DOESN'T LIKE ME

This is a place to gain some understanding of dog behavior and to assist people in training their dogs and dealing with common behavior problems, regardless of the method(s) used. This can cover the spectrum from non-aversive to traditional methods of dog training. There are many ways to train a dog. Please avoid aggressive responses, and counter ideas and opinions with which you don't agree with friendly and helpful advice. Please refrain from submitting posts that promote off-topic discussions. Keep in mind that you may be receiving advice from other dog owners and lovers... not professionals. If you have a major problem, always seek the advice of a trainer or behaviorist!

  
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Happy

I love me some- girls!
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 7:38am PST 
I really feel this every day more and more. And I see it. He likes my husband more than anyone. He wiggles his tail and plays with him every time. He will come to me when I call him but won't really want to play or let me pet him. He cries for my husband and absolutely adores him, respects him and loves him. One look and one smile from him, and Happy will jump straight to my husbands lap. He doesn't like to play with me. I have another dog, Toby and he seems to like me better but Toby also likes my husband(it's not like we choose sides or anything). I took care of Happy his whole life. I know his every facial expression, wants and needs, when he is hurting and when he is sad. I was there for him more than my husband in everything.
He respects me ok, listens to me most of the time, but I don't think he likes me. It hurts me to see this. I try to spend more alone time with him, and I give him more attention lately to see if this would change. I love this dog very much and it's not easy to see no devotion or love or affection. He only sees my husband and Toby. I am just a body. That's what it feels like. I am there to feed him, take him out, bathe him, brush him, give him treats but that's about it.
Not sure about this...I didn't know this was possible. I never mistreated him. I am firm and very fair and nice and i give him a lot of kisses and hugs...(he is a pit bull btw, i don't know if that makes any difference). I also train him whenever possible, don't give him way with things just because he is cute. I make him sit and wait or come or down, etc. I go thru door first, I come in first, I eat first, I say when and how, when to play when to stop. He is showing a little bit of disrespect towards me not sure why. Am I not firm enough??

Anybody has any experience like this? Any ideas?
thank you smile
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Nallah

*Retrieva Diva!*
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 8:00am PST 
I don't think your dogs dislike you. I think that they have a better bond or tend to like your husband more because it sounds like he is a little softer than you are. Does he use the same methods in training or daily life as you do? This could be the problem. How much time do you spend with the dogs alone as compared to how much time your husband spends with them alone? Do you all spend time together? Unfortunately I think that a lot of families have this issue, that the dogs look up to or follow one person over the other. In my family, Nallah is definately a Momma's Girl, but she respects her daddy and loves him just as much. She shows just as much affection to him as she does to me. Its just that she tends to want to be near me more than him.

Who feeds them? Dogs tend to look for a "pack leader" and someone to guide them. It sounds like you have the right aspects of a pack leader but maybe your husband is a little to easy on them? Or that you both need to agree on a general "goal" you want to reach in the household and how to go about it. If you want to follow the NILIF (Nothing in life is free) route, and your husband is following EILIF (everything in life is free) then its obviously going to cause some confusion and possibly them picking one over the other. And lets face it, if we were dogs we'd probably pick the EILIF route! BOL! laugh out loud
Anyways, don't feel bad about it, you just need to work on ONE common goal with your husband and you both need to stick to it. Soon you will have both dogs treating you with the same respect and the same views. Hope this helped you....I don't want you to feel badly! Your dogs love you!!
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Happy

I love me some- girls!
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 8:16am PST 
Thank you this makes me feel little better; knowing that a lot of families have similar problem.
Actually, my husband is VERY strick with them. We always spend time together all 4 of us, do everything together and I would say I spend more time with them alone, then my husband. My husband has natural ability(as most men i presume) for a pack leader and it doesn't take him much.
I am not sure. I think I need to be little more strick because I am a woman and these dogs(Toby is g. shepherd) are strong and powerful. I give them A LOT of affection, love and kisses and am very soft with them when they obey me.
When I walk away from three of them, to go somewhere, Toby starts barking and jumping and cries. Happy just stands there looks at me and turns away. When I come, same thing. Happy will come to say hello for a brief second and walk away.
I think you make a good point when you say we should have same goal and I thought we did. We always did things together, had both dogs at the same time, always treated them the same...even though my husband just loves pit bulls and Happy is his baby. He found him when he was only 5 weeks old and brought him home. I took care of him and took his mother's place, feeding him and snuggling and cleaning, etc.
And I guess Toby has always been closer to my heart...maybe just because he was always more affectionate? But I always treated them the same.
Anyway, it's just frustrating. And disappointing.


dog
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Liam Bluegrass

I like it rough!
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 8:23am PST 
I am not a trainer, but have heard that dogs "play" with people they feel are more like littermates than authority figures, so maybe its that?

We have a multi-dog (17) house, and I have noticed that some dogs prefer me, some prefer hubby, some prefer to be alone or with eachother. It depends on their mood (and yours) also.

We rotate "special mom/dad time" with the crew. Each dog gets a day where they ride in the car, go to the park, get brushed, have a special hike, etc with JUST me or JUST him and that seems to have really helped the bonds. You learn what each dog prefers and can tailor their day to fit.

Good luck, and keep the faith - the pups do love and respect you.
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Arko

ah..finally a- good life...
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 8:28am PST 
you're putting off a diff vibe...when you see your pup with your hubby you're prob feeling resentment and your pup is feeling it....
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Nallah

*Retrieva Diva!*
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 8:36am PST 
Ok, so that tells you that your dogs are the type of dogs who NEED strict authority and guidance. They follow your husband for that reason, he gives them structure to their lives. If you are ok with that type of training and daily life then by all means go for it! In our situation, Nallah tends to be around me more becuase I am a softy. Her dad is more stern with her and we are really working on meeting in the middle with our goals. If you read the thread in here called "Husband and I bumping heads on training issues" it might answer some of your questions. It was started by us. We both have different views on what works right and what is best for her. But in the same sense, she does respect both of us and has the same affections to both of us. I think that if you go with the flow and use the same methods your husband is using (again, if thats ok with you) that your dogs will begin to realize that they can follow you as well. Share duties such as brushing, walking, feeding, playing, everything that is part of their lives so that they learn to bond and trust both of you. For example, we walk Nallah everynight, and I walk her on the way down the road, Jim walks her on our way back. We are going to training classes together, maybe that would be something you guys could do too? Just give it time, be patient and work together as a family. Your dogs love you, remember that, they just need some guidance.
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Josie - CGC

California Girl
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 11:54am PST 
I agree with what Nallah said, that your dogs NEED a strict leader. (Strict DOES NOT necessarily mean "violent".) They're Pitties, you said, and Pitties are a strong personality type dog-- they need a leader with a strong personality too. You can be that person too.

It sounds like you're following a lot of what I would suggest you to do (NILIF, obedience training), so also I would suggest you spend 1 on 1 time with the dogs-- find a dog park, let them loose, work on obedience commands there, act like a leader (don't follow dogs, don't chase dogs, walk with your head held high and make them follow your path. They will.).
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Gracie - In Loving- Memory

Service with a- Smile! : )
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 12:02pm PST 
I've found that dogs usually like the people best that are strict and firm (not abusive) with them. Sometimes petting a dog a lot and making a fuss over them does seem to turn off some dogs.

My best advice to you is to not let it get to you. You do have a dog that likes you, so spend your time with this dog. Chances are that once you don't care whether the other dog likes you or not, he'll start to act like he likes you!
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Josie - CGC

California Girl
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 12:03pm PST 
I'll give you 1 more thing that worked really well in rehabilitating a rescue who had "respect issues":

When you enter a room the dog(s) is in, do not greet the dog, look at the dog, touch the dog, or acknowledge the dog's presence. It is the subservient animal's job to greet the leader. Do not greet the dog; do whatever you want to do (get a coffee, sit down for TV, whatever) and you can talk to them later when you're not busy doing your "very important leader business". Keep your eyes at eye-level and walk in the room, even THROUGH the dog if you have to.

In fact, I encourage that. Whenever the dog is acting disrespectful, crowding your space, demanding attention, or sniffing your food, stand up and with eyes up at human-eye-level walk towards the dog at a forceful pace. The dog will have to step away because you're pushing with your legs. Where the dog moves, you move, keep following and walking into the dog again and again-- EVENTUALLY the dog will forfeit this space to you and will jog out of the room. You win. Do not smile, or look at the dog through the entire exercise, just when they jog out of the room quietly go back to whatever you were doing.

THAT is one way you act like a leader. You are the one BEING greeted, no dog gets greeted like a leader by you. Nobody crowds your space when you don't want them to. The house is yours, any spot on the floor you want is yours, the couch is definitely yours.
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Chase CGC

It's Mine I Tell- Ya! Mine! Mine!- Mine!
 
 
Barked: Tue Dec 11, '07 12:50pm PST 
Well, Chase is"my" dogs... Husband always teases me about it and says "oh he hate me". I can tell he loves my husband, he just has a special bond with me (it's because he works all day and I stay home with him).

Then there is Pugsley, he has a bond with both of us... It depends on how he feels that day on who's lap he will be sitting on or who he will give the most attention too.

Now before Chase & Pugsley we had just Buddy. Buddy seemed to want NOTHING to do with me, while Sean was away Buddy would go and lay in his kennel... Only come to me when he wanted something. Once Sean was home, he was up playing running around.. To this day Buddy is still like that. I used to think he didn't like me... But one day I just realized, Buddy DOES love me, he just has that "Bond" with his daddy.

So we have 2 dogs that bond with one of us more then the other and have one that bonds with us both the same.

I know this post doesn't really help you... Just letting you know you aren't a lone.

Edited by author Tue Dec 11, '07 12:51pm PST

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