March 24th 2010 9:58 pm
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On the first day, God created the Miniature Schnauzer On the second day, God created man to serve the Miniature Schnauzer. On the third day, God created the animals of the Earth to serve as potential food for the Miniature Schnauzer. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the Miniature Schnauzer. On the fifth day, God created the tennis ball so that the Miniature Schnauzer could or could not retrieve it. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the Miniature Schnauzer healthy and the man broke. (AMEN!!!) On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to walk the Miniature Schnauzer. (Unknown author)

On the eighth day, God believeth that He was done, but Lo! The Garden of Eden was full of Miniature Schnauzer poop and craters. Adam & Eve, having been banished from the garden, no longer dwelleth therein to serve the Miniature Schnauzer, so it came to pass that He had to clean the mess up Himself. And God was displeased.

On the ninth day, God sayeth unto the Heavens, "Who hath dominion here, me or the Miniature Schnauzer?

On the tenth day, God came upon the Miniature Schnauzer cockroached on His throne and abideth there unmoving, despite all His beseeching. And so it came to pass that God had his answer. He then sayeth unto Moses, "Fine! Youre in charge now. Heres my ten commandments. You deal with the Miniature Schnauzer! Im retiring to Miami Beach!

And Moses convinced the Pharaoh to let the Israelites go out of bondage in Egypt and journey to the Promised Land. God sayeth unto Moses, "The Promised Land shall be yours, but you must take the Miniature Schnauzer with you.

And so it came to pass that the Israelites wandered for 40 years in the wilderness, waiting for the Miniature Schnauzer to go potty, mark every bush and sniff every blade of grass in its domain.

And the Miniature Schnauzer was fruitful and multiplied.

The people were taken by the comliness and manner of the Miniature Schnauzer, but they were sorely distressed. "Lord" they cried out, "The Miniature Schnauzer is an attractive and sweet creature, but there are so many, what shall we do?"

And God sayeth unto the people, "Ye are a cursed people and shall be known as adopters! Thy yards shall be barren of grass. Thy dwellings shall overflow with dog beds, squeaky toys and Miniature Schnauzer kitsch. Thy carpets shall be forever stained. Thy vet bills shalt be large and thy lives forever ordered around by the Miniature Schnauzer. And thy minds shall be muddled, as thou shalt treat thy Miniature Schnauzer as thy do your human offspring."

And Adopters begat Chippers. And Chippers begat Fosters. And Fosters begat Adoption Groups. And Adoption Groups begat Discussion Lists. And Discussion Lists begat Gatherings. And Gatherings begat Vendors. And Vendors begat a wardrobe for the Miniature Schnauzer.

And the Miniature Schnauzer was spoiled.

God looked down on this and was pleased.

(by David Weeks, originally wrote about a Mastiff)