Chief Executive - Scooter Squarepants.

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It's Like the 'Shining'.

January 16th 2012 7:15 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Taking advantage that Mom is on the other side of the house to send you this message.

There is snow, and freezing, and more snow on the way. We heard the TV guy say it and Mom backed it up w/ some "colorful" language. She has been talking to herself and doing weird things. Like her butt is sticking out from under the kitchen sink "cleaning" or she is up on the step stool "brushing" cobwebs.

I just sit here on my Scooter chair and wonder when she will snap.

She's currently talking about vacuuming the dryer vent lint. I tried to talk her into giving Lucy kitty a pedicure, but after seeing the axe she pulled out I decided vacuuming was in every animals best interest.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Snowmageddon 2012 Day 3

January 16th 2012 1:00 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

So it's been snowing here for 3 days and you've all heard my barktations in the past about snow. That stuff is so much fun to play in, plus Mom has to stay home since we are on a hill on top of a hill. That and she drives a white Miata, if she went into a ditch she may never be seen until the snow melt. BOL.

The first day when it snows it is about the best thing that can happen to a dog. All the running and playing makes you feel like a frisky pup.
Day 2 brings the same zest for snow as the first day. Especially since it is now deep enough that it really feels like snow.
Day 3 and now it's just the same old stuff as yesterday. I've been watching it snow for a while and have come up with a list of stuff to do and not do in the snow. I'm sure some of the more professional snow dogs out there have some suggestions to add as well.

Do make yellow snow.

Do not eat yellow snow.

Do make yellow snow on top of yellow snow.

Do not try and make your sisters head yellow.

Do Zoomies around and around and around and around the yard.

Do not forget to apply extra brakes when approaching the door.

Do eat as much snow as you can.

Do not try and catch snow Mom tosses your way.

Do bulldoze snow around with your nose.

Do not snuffle too hard or snow will blow in your face.

Do collect as much snow fall on your back as you can and then shake it off right inside the door.

Do not shake off accumulation before you get to the door. That just doesn't work.

Do run around in the snow until you get lots of snow balls on your leg fringe.

Do not try and remove snow balls on leg fringe before going inside.

Do run back to Mom's bed and remove all snow balls from leg fringe there. If that isn't an option a couch or chair will do.
Do not put up with Mom approaching with a towel to try and help you with them.

Do be glad you lift your leg, because the nether region is already very close to snow pack.

Do not choose this time to squat like you sometimes do (sorry ladies you still might have to squat).

Do keep your eyes on the treeline for EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRRLES and the newly added EVIL CROWS and bark.

Do not turn your back to EVIL CROWS if there are more than 2 in the area. They work as a team.

Do demand to go outside all the time to play in the snow.

Do not come back to the door no matter how many times your name is heard. After all Mom doesn't even have socks on.

I don't want to over bear you with all of the Do's and Don'ts, but that is the beginning of a good list to keep in mind.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Impressive Breast Alert.

January 12th 2012 8:13 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Mom was scratching my bellah and gave my breast a poke. Then she poked again, gave a squeeze and a laugh. Said if it had been closer to something called November I wouldn't be on a diet and be on a plump up the breastbone track.

Said something about massages, milk baths and a center spot on the menu. Whatever that means.

I'm off to eat some food, boring old dry boring dry food. Did I mention it was dry? Dry and boring?

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

I Need a Police Dog Sent Please.

January 11th 2012 7:02 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

I asked Mom to make an emergency 911 call for me this morning. I told her I needed to file an official police report on some thievery of a SNACK and would appreciate a Police Dog being sent out.

Mom told me to tell her the story and decide if a Police Dog was needed.

I was just sitting there on the bed this morning with my SNACK. Watching it. Guarding it. Tempting the other dogs that had eaten their SNACKS already. It's a power thing you know. Err, I'm on a diet so obviously it's self control.

Suddenly this skinny white dog w/ brown floppy ears quick as you please snagged my SNACK. I lunged to make a citizens arrest, but the slipper white butted devil ran out of the room and I could hear my SNACK crunching as he ate it. I was so pissed I growled and barked and took off after him.

So I asked to turn in the culprit Cutter since it was him who stole my SNACK, but Mom said it wasn't worth bothering the Police Dog about. Instead she gave me replacement SNACK, but I was still mad at Cutter so I made sure to eat it right there in front of him.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Express YOUR Self!

January 10th 2012 9:14 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

Dear Mom.

I am running, err, walking away. You will never see me again. I heard you on the phone making an appointment with the Evil V-E-T for a butt squeeze.

I express myself quite well daily when I bark at the EVIL NEMESIS SQUIRRELS. Therefore I do not need you to pay for that service.

Since you did not pay attention as I was pawing your leg while you were on the phone trying to give you the ixney orfey the E-T-Vey I have decided to run, err, walk away.

I hope you miss me and think about this moment for the rest of your life Mom. I'll miss you, but a pup has to put his paw in the sand and draw a line.

To Never Sniff at You Later ~Scooter~

PS - if I'm not on the bed, I'm either in my chair or at MsLouann's. Please bring me my SNACK.

 

Testy!

January 5th 2012 7:17 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

I'm typing this up from the cover of the end table on the other side of the couch. The side Mom can't see because if you even make eye contact with her today she immediately tells you NO.

NO touching
NO jumping up on
NO more SNACKS
NO scratches
NO barking
NO whining
NO looking out the window
NO barking at pizza doorbell commercials
NO pawing
NO sniffing
NO begging
NO looking at the SNACK cabinet
NO barking at the kitteh
NO staring
NO reminding that SNACKS are important
NO
NO
NO
NO

That's all we hear today.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

The Night I met Santa Paws. Believe it or Not.

December 20th 2011 7:37 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

I thought since I consider you all really good furiends at this point of our relationship, I will tell you the story of the night I met Santa Paws. I've held off because I didn't want all you Dogster pup pals my agent was looking into, well something I was told.

Settle on in pups, nice and close. I'll go ahead and put out the bowl of Milkbones and freshen up the water while I gather my thoughts.

As I recall the snow was falling and piling up on the deck. Mom was muttering to herself about (bad word)ing snow and her passionate hatred just didn't seem enough to sway Mother Nature to her side. The Snow Miser was winning over the Heat Miser this particular year is for sure. Mom was finishing up wrapping some of the last minute presents, and a couple of those boxes under the tree sure smelled delicious.

I fell asleep in the Scooter chair out front while waiting for Mom to finish up and head to bed. Misty, Cutter and Pepper had headed to bed hours ago, but I like to keep Mom company. You know so it doesn't look like she's always talking to herself.

I was in the middle of a good bone gnawing dream when a noise of something I couldn't quite place my paw on pricked my ears. Rolling over I squinted my eye open a bit and then both popped open faster than Lucy kittehs paw can reach out and smack you across the nose. Grrrr.

The bark got stuck in my throat I must admit. Looking back I still can't tell you if it was shock or surprise that stole my bark. There standing right next to the Christmas tree was Santa Paws. Now that I think again, I will say it was shock that stole my bark. Santa Paws wasn't wearing a red suit and hat trimmed with white. No black boots. No black belt (not the kung fu black belt either, I looked).

Santa Paws was wearing grey sweatpants and a over sized tshirt. It said "Santa Paws Was Naughty This Year". His pack full of presents said "My reindeer will kick your John Deere's A**". He had a tattoo on his arm that said I ♥ Eugena, and a picture of Mrs. Paws was under it. Eugena? Who'd have thunk.

I was about to let out a loud growl when Santa Paws turned around glaring at me. He reached into his sack and quicker than a shooting star shoved MEATZ™ in my mouth. It was really good too - I think it was a Prime Rib MEATZ™.

He settled the rest of the presents under the tree and made as to leave. I found my voice long enough if he'd stick around long enough for me to go out and pee. He turned his gaze to me again as I bounced by the back door, gave a hearty laugh and said "Sure. Did you know you snore?".

I offered Santa Paws a snort off Mom's good whiskey. That my pup pals is how I met Santa Paws and our history.

BOL.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Yipes.

December 16th 2011 1:31 am
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

9:00 am sharp I've just been told. Poke and a prod, the humiliating weigh in and lecture on dental hygiene.

All because I've been shaking my head and scratching at my ear. It changes every 5 or 6 days from 1 to another, I'm complicated that way. BOL

Well we're going to head back to bed and hope Mom follows soon.

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Dear Santa Paws.

December 14th 2011 10:57 pm
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Dear Santa Paws ~Scooter here~

Since I know I am on the Nice List because not only does my cuteness add bonus points, I rarely move so how much mischief could I get into?

Well yes there is the barking at the doorbell on TV, imaginary SQUIRRELS in the trees I see, growling at the OTHERS looking at my SNACK, uh let's just stop there.

Back to the Nice List. Remember I am very snuggly and adoring. Did I mention cute, because I have that nailed and it will make your heart melt. I'm a great nightcap because in the winter I snuggle around Mom's head to keep her warm. Therefor allowing her to use her health plan. Scooter Neck Syndrome fixer is covered and I'll tell you, we need that new year to kick in soon. BOL.

Again since I know I am already a "dogin" for the Nice List, I thought I would campaign for a truly Naughty List Kitteh. Lucy the ex Garage Kitteh who has moved into the back bathroom. Even though she did a smack down on Pepper's nose when she stuck her head through the kitteh/dog door to the garage, she still should get salmon and not just kibble on her scratching pad. After all, she has decided she wanted to spend winter with us in the house and not just the garage.

So Santa Paws will you please remember Lucy the Garage Kitteh aka Laundry Room Kitteh this year. I'm afraid if you don't she might eat more of our dog food than she has been when she sneaks through the dog barrier every night. After all tonight we almost ran out of food in the EverFillingBowl™ as we saw it was only 1/4 full.

So Santa Paws, remember it was I, Scooter, that am on the Extra Nice List. Possibly the Extra Extra Nice List if you want my honest opinion.

Sleep well Santa Paws, you have a busy night coming up soon. We've got a plowman's platter and a hefty wassail to warm your belleh when you stop off to drop off my extra special and many gifts. Cuz well, I'm on the Extra Extra Nice List. Aren't I?

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 

Seen on Our Weekend Stroll With Our Own Eyes.

December 13th 2011 7:25 pm
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Hey everypup ~Scooter here~

It was a cold and blustery day when we took our WALK this weekend. Sunday to be exact. No matter which way you faced, that wind was going right up your backside if you catch my drift.

People sure are weird around this time of the year. They drag a tree into the house and tell you not to pee on it. Then they put a fancy padded thing around it and tell you not to sleep on it or roll it into a ball to put your head on. Boxes magically appear under the tree, but can you sniff them? Not in this house. They come home late because they were at a howliday party. They leave on the weekends to do more shopping and what comes home in those bags did not come from the grocery store. We know, we sniff the boxes when Mom isn't home.

So setting the stage that something goes odd with the humans around this time of the year, let me tell you what we saw on our WALK. I'll just remind myself occasionally with my digital recording device I carry around my neck on our WALKS.

*Right down around the corner, sure enough, a scarecrow in the same yard as Santa Paws.

*Leaves still in the trees too stubborn to blow down.

*Cutter just about peed himself when he noticed the Abominable Snowman in somebody's yard. Then after he stopped blushing he decided to let the neighborhood know he wasn't "really scared" and barked his fool head off.

*A house on rough times, a recent chimney fire. Nuff said.

*3 Wisemen, Joseph, Mary, baby Jesus, Camels, Lambs, a Donkey, and a million lights. All up on someone's roof.

*Our neighborhoods shout out to the Griswold family. We are proud owners of at least one Griswold every couple blocks. No wonder our power flutters occasionally. BOL.

*A guy riding a bike and he had antlers on his head. Cutter didn't like that either and hid behind Pepper, but don't let him know I told you all.

*A man on a ladder who did not look happy at all while a lady stood at the bottom and pointed. There was a long string of lights and a round belly we could see from our vantage point. Mom hurried us past fast due to colorful language, but I really wanted to pee on the mailbox and listen to some salty sailor talk.

*Some youngsters helping their parents get the tree off the roof of the car. Well they were jumping up and down with excitement (like we do when we see SNACKS), but not much help was going on. BOL.

*A frozen banana peel in the gutter that no matter how many times we all turned around and tried to convince Mom it was a frozen banana she wasn't buying it.

*A lady who was trying to sneak some bags into her garage as her kids were trying to "help" bring stuff in for her. Mom let us walk slow past that because the kids were too short to see into the car with the doors closed and their Mom was doing her best to keep between them and a door.

Finally we watched as Mom succumbed to whatever is going around because a tree you can't pee on was set up. Has a padded mat under it we can't lay on, water in the basin we can't even sniff at, and boxes we're supposed to just pretend aren't there.

A Scooter dog sure can get on the Naughty List quickly with all this going on. I think it's a set up!

Sniff at ya later ~Scooter~

 
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