March 10th 2011 9:57 pm
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Mom said she might groom me this weekend. I think I gotta make like a Wisconsin Democrat senator and flee to Illinois to hide!
I don wanna be groomed. It is an invasion of my privates. I like my hairs long, jus like the Bieber. All the other pups get to have long hair. Why can't I?
March 8th 2011 5:33 am
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Mom has been gettin' up before the sun and goin' to meet wif someone named Jim. I think she must really like him cuz no one would get up that early unless they was motivated by some pretty deep feelins. Like how I feel 'bout my sweetest ever girlpup, Gretta. I would get up early to meet up wif her any day!
After mom was done wif Jim, she came home and cut up a tasty treat for us: Pineapple! She eats the outside part after takin' off the scales and we get the nice, crunchy prime rib in the middle. It is so good I can hardly stand it!
Now that's treatin' a pup. I think I like Jim. He must have somethin' to do wif this.
March 6th 2011 8:14 am
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The vet did say to "treat me" yesterday when we visited. I have moist dermy tightus on my lower lip, right where my fangs sit. Those fangs are part of my carnival past. I am fierce. But that's where moisture collects under my teefs and now the vet said there is no cure, but to treat me! How cool is that?
I can't wait for Mom to treat me. I heard she is s'posed to do this to me two times a day! I usually only get a treat once a day, if at all, so this is an improvement!
Funny, but yesterday all I got was mouf wipes wif special wet pads. I din get no more treats than usual, which is one or less. What's up wif that? Do I have to rat out Mom to the vet?
March 5th 2011 9:06 am
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Mom took me out in the van and we got out and went for a walk. As soon as I stopped by a tree and did my poo, Mom gathered it up so carefully and we turned right around and there was the vet's office! How did she do that?
I had Dr. Kaiser, jus like my pal Kaiser, only she is a people not a pup and she wears a stretherscope 'round her neck. I also got to go into the "cat exam room", exam room 1, but no other rooms were open. It smelled funny in there an' all the posters on the walls showed cat worms 'stead a dog worms and stuff like that.
Turns out I din need no poo sample. Mom was jus bein' prepared like a good girl scout. Mom showed Dr. Kaiser my lips, right by my canine teef (I thought they was all canine teef) that hang down over my lower lip a bit. Dr. K said I have some kinda dermy tightus wif saliva and stuff. She gave us some (I gotta look at the label, jus a sec)
to clean my lip spots wif. They are s'posed to take care of bactirria and even fun gus. Fun gus sounds likes fun, but Mom said no. Dr. K said I don have fun gus anyway, but I have a
that can be treated, but not cured. Some pups get it bad, all over the lips and stuff, and then it is called an automobile immune thingy. I don haf that. Mom jus has to help me clean my lips on those spots two times a day. She tol me I have to let her do this to me and not put up a fuss. I don fuss. Fuss is for girls.
Mom also had them trim my nails. I don let Mom trim my nails so good. I hates it. That was sneaky of her to have them do it. They tag-teamed me and got it down right away. I din have time to fuss. Oh, yeah. I don fuss. Fuss is for girls.
Mom was happy cuz Dr. K din charge anythin' to look at my lips. She only charged for the nail trim and even gave us free medicine samples to start us off. That was a good deal, 'cept I couldda done wifout the nail trim to begin wif.
Now where's my treat?
March 4th 2011 7:50 am
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My sweetest ever girlpup, Gretta, is havin' governator problems jus like we are. This is too bad cuz our Badgers are 'bout to go play wif her Buckeyes this weekend. Maybe they won even feel like playin' wif all this politickin' goin' on.
Gretta reminds me that Badgers and Buckeyes are freakishly tall beings so maybe they can see above all this mess an' ignore it for one afternoon.
Meanwhile, I peed on Mom's winter coat which was on a chair in the kitchen last night. I even got a walk before bed, but I did pee anyway. I jus couldn't hold it. But now Mom's jacket is in the dryer so it's all good.
Signin' off . . .
March 3rd 2011 5:13 am
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Oh but I did get in trouble today, and it's only 7 am!
Mom took her shower and when she was done, she went into her bedroom and shut the door. Somethin' 'bout me jumpin' all over her when she's nakkey and makin' scratches on her. I am jus lovin' on her! Phooey.
Lexie got to go into the bedroom and lie down on the big bed before the door was shut. She don jump so much.
So what's a pup to do, bein' locked outta the action? Go make some action of the pup's own!
Downstairs Mom had gotten her backpack out for to go to school and work. It smelled very interestin'. I sniffed it out and then worked on the zipper to see what that stuff was in there. It was a bag of dog food! Oh, boy! My lucky day!
So I set 'bout to eat me some second breakfast, like a hobbit, and was gettin' 'long jus fine when Mom came downstairs and started sayin' those magic words that only adults can say. And - get this Baron von Skeebo - I got a swat on the hiney! What's up wif that?! I was jus eatin' dog food!
Turns out it wasn't dog food. Mom said it was RAT FOOD! First child, who does live on her very own now, got a pet rat and Mom was goin' all into practicin'-for-grandchildren-on-kid's-pets mode and she got treats for this vermin. I know - right?!!! That is so crazy I can hardly stand for it! Rats are for huntin' down, capturin', killin' and eatin'!
Mom said no they are not all for that. This is a nice rat who grew up in a nice home an' a nice furmily, only he is kinda a refugee cuz his siblings were destined to be Tegu lunch. I gotta Google Tegu and see how they's so lucky to get rats bred jus for them for food. But appawrently this rat is special.
You let me at 'em an' I'll show you "special!" Now Mom's callin' me naughty and disrespectful of property an' uncorrigated. Phooey!
March 1st 2011 8:19 am
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There are people called woofers here today. They are working on our garage woof. Up on top. New coverin' for the top. I am keepin' a close eye on those woofers. They seem nice, but they are climbin' up on the garage where I have never seen none but birds and squirrels go. This cannot be good. Mom is workin' from home today, but complainin' 'bout all the noise. I don hear much noise from the woofers, but I keep barkin' at 'em anyway. 'Bout every few seconds. I'm keepin' 'em quiet so Mom can work. I'm good like that.
February 24th 2011 6:40 pm
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Oh. My. Dog! Mom made these things called rib eyes last night. She let me try a tiny bite. Kibble will never be good enough again.
What does a dog have to do to eat like that every day?!!! I really really wanted another bite, a much bigger bite, but that was all we got. Sigh.
February 22nd 2011 10:02 pm
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Mom was watchin' the Youtoobs today, somethin' 'bout a House who is a doctor and has a stick and walks funny. He's kinda not so nice neither, but he gets good ratings on the TV so they keep him 'round. Anyway, this one part on the youtoobs showed him and a West Highland White terrier, aka LWD like my pal Zaidie, and the House was pretendin' not to like the LWD, but the LWD had a limp like the House and all the humans said Awwwwww when they saw it.
This made me think that maybe I could get some Awwwww from my peeps if I limp a bit. So I tried it out on our walk today. Mom took me out in the snowy snow for a walk this afternoon and I did step on some salt and it hurt and I held my paw up all helpless-like and was 'bout to try some real cryin' an' all, but she took one look at me wif my paw up in the air and she said Awwwwww and she stopped everythin' she was doin', which was not much cuz we was walkin', and she cleaned out my paw pad.
It worked! The limpin' gets right to 'em. I think you should all try it out and let me know how it works.
February 21st 2011 10:12 pm
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Today - oops - Yesterday was Mom's birfday. She got lots of treats and pressies. The kids made her breakfast of woofles, toast, eggs and coffee. Then when Mom got home from class, the kids were still here cuz of the hollyday that is Mom's birfday (and some dead presidents) so they made her dinner, too! The house smelled like chocolate all day cuz they made her a chocolate cake wif chocolate goo all over it. It smelled really good, but we din get any. Not even Lexie the super sneaky snack sneaker!
Then the brown guy came to the door and delivered a pressie. Mom has a friend who works in a place that makes chocolate. I know! Can you belief that?! In the box was a shoe MADE OUTTA CHOCOLATE! Can you belief that?! It was a high heel shoe outta chocolate wif more little chocolates inside'a it! It is amazin'! Mom put it up high where no one can get it but her.
Humans are crazy sometimes. Who would think'a makin' a shoe outta chocolate? Who would think'a puttin' it on a high shelf and not eatin' it all at once right away?!
Mom took both Lexie and me for a walk tonight in the snow. Mom kept sayin' how pretty it was. I peed on it, all over. It was great.