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Rib Eyes

May 17th 2011 3:24 pm
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Mom jus ate somethin' called a Rib Eye. She went to the grocer-guy yesterday an' asked for a speshal treat for herself cuz the kids were not here for tonight. Now she ate this rib eye thing.

I don know what it was, but Mom looked like she was havin' a seize-her when she was eatin' it. She got all mooney lookin' an' started rockin' back an' forth on her chair an' moanin'. Do you think she was ok?

Lexie said Mom don eat the rib eyes often - hardly never! - so she wasn't much help.

When Mom got up to put the rest of it in the garbage, I almost fainted! I barked at her to STOP! But she called me silly an' said that was jus fat.

I know, right?! Just fat! OMD! If only I could get that trash cabbynet open! OMD! It's in there! How will I ever sleep tonight, knowin' it's in there?


Chipamonks vs. Squirrels

May 13th 2011 3:40 pm
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We have squirrels runnin' a muck in our yard right now. Even worse than in the fall! We also has chipamonks. My pal Fizzy said that his mom said that chipamonks an' squirrels are not the same animal. He don belief her.

My mom also said they are diffrent animals. Lexie said I needa read Linnayus someone. I don know 'bout that.

Squirrels is cheekier an' stoopider than chipamonks. I can say that for a fact. Chipamonks are smaller an' they don climb up stuff so much like squirrels. They have shorter tails. Mom says they are in the yard, but that's where I think she is kiddin' me cuz I 'most never see 'em.

Lexie used to see 'em, back when she could see. Mom said Lexie would see one go down a hole an' she would stick her nose down that same hole an' wait for a looooong time for him to come back out. Then he would come back out a back door an' be runnin' back an' forth behind her, but she would not move her nose from his front door so she would not see that part. Lexie said this is so not true. Mom said it is.

So of course squirrels an' chipamonks are the same animal, only diffrent sizes an' diffrent places livin' like ground versus trees, an' one climbs an' the other don climb. Exactly the same! I hope this clears up any confushion on the subject.



May 13th 2011 7:25 am
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The squirrels out there are brash an' foolhardy!

Guess what? I found out what a thesaurus is. It is not extinct like the rest of 'em!

There was a cheeky squirrel out the window an' he had the nerve to climb up on toppa our patio 'brella! OMD! I tol Mom an' she let me outta the back door right away to despatch that varmit from our 'brella b'fore he broke it. Sheesh. I almost got him, too, cuz he hadda jump down onto the patio an' he got all crazy an' stuff an' climbered over the fence into neighbor Chris' yard. Neighbor Chris is not home right now an so she was not out in her yard to scare them away. They hang out over there all day long an' even eat from her birdie feeders, which, I must say, is very resourceful. I think Mom should put a tiger feeder up in our yard so that I can be resourceful like that.

It was so hot yesterday, like almost 90 - no lie! An' today is cooler an' cloudier, only not cooler like in I am so cool like Buddy Grau. More like how it feels on your fur. Mom says it's s'posed to rain later. I gotta get my squirrel chasin' in now.


Loud Night!

May 10th 2011 7:43 pm
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It is so loud tonight. There are lots of sirens going off for some reason in our city. It makes me nervous. Mom din even want to walk me tonight. Said it just didn't feel right. I keep hearing things, like bangs, motorcycles, sirens ... I don't like it! I think I want my Thundershirt on now, please.


Mom is Home!

May 10th 2011 7:33 am
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Mom is workin' more at home on her 'puter. This is good cuz normally when I bark at the back window all day, no one is home to let me out. Now Mom is home to let me in an' out all the live long day!

Mom says no she is not home to do that. Phooey. She also said I need to stop all my infernal noise so she can get her work done. Phooey! I will try to be good.

Oh, look! A squirrel!

It's not workin' for me.

I asked Mom if we could jus leave the back door open so I can come an' go as I please. She said no cuz we even have a mouse in the house right now an' she don want no more mouses in the house. An' why am I not trackin' down that mouse an' killin' it? I tol her I din see no mouse. She said I need to work on that.

Does this mean I got a job? Do I get paid for this kinda thing?

Oh, look! A squirrel!


Ordinary Nation

May 7th 2011 6:43 pm
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Mom was gone all day to her friend's Ordinary Nation. It's where you go to school an' study 'bout God an' all, an' then you put on a man-dress an' you say stuff an' you kneel an' then you get a man-sash like Mrs. America an' you then get to celebrate Father's Day. I think. I dunno so good.

Mom said it was really cool cuz it was her first time seein' someone's Ordinary Nation an' they let her use her Smart Phone in the church - oh, I forgot to say that this all happened in a fancy church where it is NDA, of course - not fair - an' Mom took pictures an' put them on the Book of Faces right then an' there. (Mom also said that maybe if she had hadda Smart Phone back when she was a kid an' hadda sit in church, she wouldda liked it better. Hunh?)

So Mom was gone for this Ordinary Nation an' then the food afterward. Did she bring home a doggy bag? Not on your life! Phooey. An me havin' a diary pick today an' all, an' no doggy bag. Sigh.

But I was glad to see her when she got home. She let us come to the food store wif her an' now I get to thank my pals for the pressies they left on my page while I was not gone, but not on the 'puter. That was so pawsome!


Oh, Hey! Diary Pick! Woohoo!

May 7th 2011 6:29 pm
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Yeah, sure Mom - go off an' away over the night an' leaf us wif Miss Rachel an' then I gets my diary picked an' no one is here to give me my 'puter time. Phooey. Lexie got HER 'puter time yesterday when she had a diary pick. Not fair!

I'm not really complainin'. I jus see Lexie doin' that all the time so I tried it out.

We had fun wif Miss Rachel here last night, only I woke her up in the middle of the night to go poo. She said that was good that I woke her up, but couldn't I do my poo "before" bed, insteadda durin'? Hey - when you gotta poo, you gotta poo. At least I din poo on the floor.

Then Lexie got Miss Rachel up early cuz she is a pig an' wanted to eat. Not Miss Rachel, who is a brand new vegematarian, but Lexie, who is a pig. 'Course if you're pourin' the kibble, I am right there!

Now Mom is home again an' that's good. We got to ride along to the big grocery store an' bark at shoppers when they got near our pawsonal private space - wifin 'bout 100 feet of the van - BOL!

Thanks for all the pressies today. I gotta go thank my fans . . .


Baltimore Orioles

May 3rd 2011 6:18 am
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You are so not gonna belief this, but my pal Little Man Mickey jus tol me that Baltimore Orioles are baseball players! I know, right? That is crazy!

I am sure I did not see any baseballs up in our aprycot tree. I know what baseballs look like cuz I chewed one of fourth child's baseballs up real good.

I Googled the baseball Orioles an' if they are the same size on the TV as in real life, then I could see that Mickey has a point. They would fit up there in our tree. I will have to be extra watchy now.

What is my yard comin' to?


An' We Don Even Live in Baltimore!

May 2nd 2011 4:46 pm
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There was birdies in the bloomin' tree in the back yard yesterday. An' don get mad cuz I'm not even cussin' when I say bloomin'. It IS bloomin' - like white snow all over it. Lexie says it is an aprycot tree. I dunno.

But there was a new birdie in the tree, a very bright-color birdie. I dunno what color, but Mom said it was orange an' that it was a Baltimore Oriole.

An' we don even live in Baltimore! It must be lost. Mom put oranges outside up where I could not get them to eat them. Phooey. She said they was for the orioles. How silly is that?


Stuff Today!

April 29th 2011 7:39 pm
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Today was nice outside! Mom was workin' some at home, so we got to play in the yard a lot. Mom even set up her 'puter outside for a while - how cool is that?! She hung out the wet stuff on the line too. I remember her doin' that way loooong time ago, like years ago. Lexie said it was last year, but musta been longer than that.

Lexie laid down on the patio bricks in the sun an' fell asleep! Can you 'magine?! How could you sleep wif all the birdies chirpin' all over an' all the squirrels runnin' round an' round?! I almost got a birdie over by the hole that used to have a fountain in it. Mom said the in-ground fountain is too much work cuz of our climate an' havin' to take it out an' put it in again every year so she's jus gonna fill in the hole an' put more garden there. That's no fun cuz I used to drink outta that hole all the time. 'Course I got yelled at cuz it's not fresh water, but I din care. Mom put out a nice new bowl for fresh water today. I tried to drink outta the hole anyway and sure 'nuff, I got yelled at again. She was right tho, the bowl water is better than the hole water. I gets confused cuz Lexie an' Mom both say that hole foods are better for you. Wouldn't hole water be better for you? I dunno.

Mom went out to dinner wif third an' fourth child tonight and then stopped at a pet place an' brought me THREE toys! They all make squeakie noises an' one of 'em even cracks like a duck! That's cuz it's a duck an' they do crack when you bite on 'em. This one jus keeps on crackin', even after a regular duck wouldda stopped. I dunno. Kinda funny.

Mom said she met a Giant Schnauzer at the pet place! Oh my dog! I wish I couldda been there. I have heard 'bout Nephalim an' Amazons an' Ents an' Giant Schnauzers, but I never really believed they was real like Santy Paws an' all. But I smelled him plain as rain on Mom when she got home. Mom said he was all black an' he had a beard like me an' he was 'bout 100 pounds! Maybe even more! I'm like, are you markin' me for a Afghan Hound? No way! But she said yes way, so I have to belief her. Wow.

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