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An aching Heart

February 24th 2009 12:36 am
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Dada started work today and I was left alone at home. The moment he stepped out of the house I felt as if my heart is gonna get crushed under some heavy stone someone had placed on my chest. I had no idea how I would spend the next hour on my own let alone the entire day until Dada got back home.

I sat in front of the puter and luckily my good friend Duke’s mom Sandi was online so we got chatting after some time I got an alert from my yahoo mail and to my pleasant surprise I saw that my Lassie is "Dog of the Day" at Dogster.

My emotions were all mixed up. I was happy that Lassie was finally "Dog of the Day", but sad she was not with me to celebrate.* I screamed, cried, laughed and danced while I'm still online with Sandi.

* [I can imagine if she were here now we will be jumping and dancing with joy and of course she will get loads of hugs and treats] *Anyways I called Dada and he came back home just for a minute to celebrate with me. We jumped, kissed and hugged and fondly remembered our sweet Lassie.

The chat with Sandi was over. Yesterday, I spent the whole time cleaning and be occupied then I looked around the house, I realized it was mess. Lassie’s toys, her medicines were resting on top of her "house" dog house. Her bed was on the floor and the sofa still had the pillow and comforter propped up from the night before. There was a repeat of David Letterman show running on the TV.I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about it was as if I was a robot, couldn’t really make sense of anything.

I really didn’t know where to start, should I begin by keeping things in order? Should I do the dishes from last night etc…? I really didn’t know where to begin. Suddenly, I thought that I should prepare Lassie’s food. Then it was like a jolt out of nowhere. I don’t have to prepare her food anymore. The tears started to flow and there was no stopping and my heart started aching again.

I then made myself some coffee and went back to the puter trying to keep myself busy and concentrate on happier time with Lassie. By now the word has gotten around of Lassie’s journey to the Rainbow Bridge. The best wishes and support that was coming in was so overwhelming. Poems, emails, pictures, special gift, pmails just made me smile, sobs, giggles and cried and this was keeping my sanity alive.

Dada made a point to call me at regular intervals to check on me and see how I was doing. He has been my rock in all this. At some point of time in the afternoon he called me to inform me that Lassie’s cremains had arrived back at the vet’s clinic but he won’t be able to get them back home today. I was very sad, not entirely because Dada won’t be getting her cremains home today but because Dada was getting Lassie’s "cremains".

I was disappointed but I know that he was having a lot on his plate at work and I didn’t want to push him. Instead I started looking for an urn which we could order on the net.

Thank you
Lassie's mom (Madeline)


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