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Running Away From Home

Sporting Equipment

July 8th 2008 7:55 am
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People are funny. They engage in something they call "sports." Sports requires all manner of odd accoutrements and apparatuses. For example, in the winter, my people use "skis," which help them slide around on the snow. In the summer, the skis go upstairs in the garage and out come the bicycles.

I don't know how many of you are familiar with bicycles, but they are curious. I am currently making an investigation of bicycles. Specifically, I want to know how they attach themselves to people and then roll around. It is a little frightening to be around a person attached to one of these bicycles, and extreme caution must be exercised during research.

I have so far learned that bicycles do not respond to barking. They are not easy to grip with the teeth and they move about as fast as a whippet--some may possibly travel with the rapidity of a greyhound, but I have not proven that yet.

My people are fascinated by attaching to bicycles. They use them almost every day, except during the most torrential rains. Mommy even tried to put me in a basket and attach me to a bicycle. I said, "No way!" and I promptly jumped out.

A good way to catch and bring down a bicycle that is attached to a person is by gripping the foot of the person and running alongside the bicycle until it tires and drops the person.

This is how wolves bring down beasts. It works every time. The bicycle stops and you can sniff it and growl at it until you are told to, "go in the house and have a snack, Tommy," in that patronizingly sweet voice that means, "We're leaving you here while we go away with our bicycles and without dogs."

It is my goal to learn as much about bicycles as possible so that I might slay them and keep my people home with me. But, since it is so hot today, I think I will sprawl out on the cool floor and snooze first.


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