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Zoomies! Of! DoooOOooooMmMm!!

March 10th 2009 4:15 pm
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If you are ZOOMING on right side of your yard. Then ZOOMING on the left side of your yard. The ZOOMING along the back fence of your yard, by all means be careful that you don’t get going so fast your back end catches up with your front end.

You’ll trip and fling yourself snout first into a shrub.

Of course, mom freaks out and runs over to see if you are okay. She say that I would have knocked myself silly if I weren’t so silly already.

I blame the snow.


But I then got extra belly rubs and treats, so maybe my wipe out wasn’t so bad after all.


Free Treat Bags abuse

March 2nd 2009 11:43 am
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Well it looks like the Dogster deities have given us bags of treats to give to each other under the "Special Gifts" section. I'm a sucker for marketing ploys! (Plus, my mom is cheap.)

I got all excited and gave them to everybody.

Including... myself.

That's right. I somehow managed to give myself a special gift. Clearly I am abusing this privilege. I must immeditely eat the evidence. As my pal Ella would say... NOM NOM NOM!



For the record, it was a "C"

February 23rd 2009 3:00 pm
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Mom turned her back on the Scrabble board for one second.

Just one second!

When she came back all the words were messed up, and there was a trail of snot on the Scrabble board. Plus, there was a letter missing. Mom had just begun to panic and contemplate calling the emergency vet when the letter made a reappearance on the rug along with some partially digested kibble and miscellaneous greyhound tummy goo.

In an unrelated note: Scrabble pieces are not edible or even particularly tasty even if they do resemble a treat. And playing them in a location other than on the regulation scrabble board results in no points.



It’s the Thought that Counts

February 16th 2009 12:19 pm
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My new pal Diesel is a Rottweiler/Dobie mix. He is big and strong and dopey and I love him very much. He wears a black leather collar with spikes so he looks like a real bada$$. We had lots of fun playing chase and keep away in the yard while our moms hung out.

While we were playing, he rolled on a dead bird. It was an extra squishy gooey dead bird too, but best of all, the dead bird carcass got impaled on his collar spikes!!!

This was the best thing to ever happen to us EVER! Diesel and I were thrilled. What a daring fashion choice! We loved it! Plus, is smelled GREAT and oozed decaying slime and guts all down his shoulder.

Excitedly, we ran back into the house to show our moms.

For some reason they were not impressed. Not only were they not impressed, there was screeching and yelling.

“Unnecessary,” I thought.
“Overreacting,” Diesel commented.

Here it was Valentines Day, and Diesel was thoughtful enough to bring a gift to our moms and how did he get thanked? A BATH.

It is an unjust world.

Hope your Valentines Day was better.



Taking retirement seriously

February 11th 2009 3:37 pm
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I am not narcoleptic. I am a greyhound. If I choose to nap with my head on the floor, my body on the dog bed and my tail in the fireplace, who are you to judge?



More mysterious human behavior

January 25th 2009 5:04 pm
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Mom likes to take things called bubble baths. I am not allowed in the bathroom, so I only hear the water running and smell the soapy bubbles. Up until last week I was happy to lay by the bathroom door and wait till she finished. But I changed my mind. I'd had enough!

Thursday night I stepped right up, and I walked right in and there was mom in the tub surrounded by fluffy white bubbles. She had no sooner said “Coffee, what are you doing?” than I decided to join her. I scrambled over the edge of the tub and got both front legs in the bubbles.

Unfortunately, I was halfway in and halfway out when I realized that there was WATER under those bubbles! I HATE water!

I immediately realized my mistake, and after much yelping, splashing and pushing, I was back on dry land.

I ran through the house trailing water and suds and bubbles everywhere. Mom tried to give chase, but she also had the suds and bubbles problems. As soon as I got to the family room (next to the TV) I gave myself a good shake to dry off.

I just don’t see what mom sees in these bubble bath things. I did not find it relaxing at all.



More Life Lessons

January 20th 2009 6:41 pm
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Normally I sleep about 18 hours per day, but the best way to get my immediate attention is to either (a) open a bag of treats or open something that sounds like it could be a bag of treats or (b) sit down and get comfortable.

That’s when I decide that I really would like to take a walk.

Har Har Har!



Dog Powered Scooter

January 16th 2009 7:34 pm
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Don't let your people see this: -ruff-ride-The-new-dog-powered-scooter-lets-pooch-walk-you.h tml


For Christmas I almost got my mom a can of whoop a$$

December 26th 2008 6:40 am
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I accidentally almost got mom an a$$ whoopin' for Christmas this
year. On Christmas day we drove to one of my favorite parks to have
a nice long, scenic walk. On the way there, I decided that the front
seat of the car looked a lot more interesting than the backseat of
the car. I’ve never tried to squeeze up front before, so mom was
completely unprepared for my sudden presence on the center console. She thought it was funny until I accidentally honked the horn.

We were at a stop light.

Behind a police car.

Next to a curb full of (no doubt) heavily armed gang bangers.


Mom put her whole hand on my snout and shoved me into the backseat. She slouched in the seat until the light turned green and we could go. Luckily we managed to avoid both an a$$ whoopin’ and a field sobriety test and we made it to the park safely.

On a happier note, I am pleased to say that I got everything I wanted
for Christmas. Clearly browbeating Santa worked! I got treats and
toys and unlimited belly rubs and ear scritches. I got new collars
from Aunt Kay and Aunt Naomi. Uncle Matt even sent me some Christmas Eve turkey too. Yummy! Plus, tomorrow is my fifth birthday, so I expect more presents to come!


(Note from Coffee’s mom: For her birthday she is getting a car


Coffee's Letter to Santa #5

December 22nd 2008 2:59 pm
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Dear Santa,

Please check your list again. Your company appears to have some quality control issues. I am definitely "nice."


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