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Physics 101: Fail

May 25th 2010 6:54 am
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Dear Coffee and/or Daytona,

I don’t know which one of you decided to try to drag your 56 inch dog bed out the 20 inch dog door, but it isn’t going to work. It won’t fit. And I’d hate for one of you two idiots get stuck outside.

Love,
Mom

 

Maybe he can get a job as a sound machine?

May 5th 2010 6:45 am
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

My brother makes all sorts of weird noises.

Not barking or woofing or growling like a normal dog, but weird sounds.
Burbling and snorting.
Mooing and chattering.
Clicking and clacking.
Moaning and groaning.

But last night he did the weirdest. It sounded like he sneezed/coughed/farted. I wasn’t watching him so I don’t even know which end the noise came from. Plus, he was asleep and making that noise.

Brothers are so weird. I kinda like mine since he is very entertaining. Plus, I have someone besides mom to do my bidding.

Love,
Coffee

 

What do you mean “Wardrobe Malfunction?”

April 15th 2010 6:17 am
[ Leave A Comment | 2 people already have ]

How was I supposed to know I am not supposed to stick my head in mom’s V-neck blouse?

She leaned over to give me a good-bye smooch before leaving us at daycare yesterday morning and I thought I would give her a snuggle right back. I love to snuggle with my mama! I like to get extra close, so I stuck my needle nose right down the V-neck of mom’s pretty silk blouse.

I didn’t expect her to shove me away and start shrieking. All the employees and other customers seemed to think it was funny.

I can’t figure out what happened. Did I do something wrong?

Love,

Coffee

 

Are we keeping score? Because Coffee is definitely winning.

March 16th 2010 7:36 am
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

# of eye drops in Coffee’s right eye – 1

# of eye drops in Coffee’s left eye - 3

# of eye drops on Coffee’s mom - 4

# of eye drops on Coffee’s nose – 2

# of eye drops on Coffee’s right ear – 1

# of eye drops on Coffee’s left ear – 0

# of eye drops on Coffee’s forehead – 2

# of eye drops on Daytona – 1

# of eye drops on the floor – 3

# of times mom has compared getting eye drops in Coffee’s eyes to pig wrestling – too numerous to count

 

TV rots the brain

March 9th 2010 10:46 am
[ Leave A Comment | 1 person already has ]

When mom goes to work, she usually leaves the TV tuned to the Food Network.

But not today.

Today we are watching a regular network TV channel.

It was nice to see the weather forecast and the news but mostly it was boring … until the soap operas started.

Now Daytona is transfixed. He decided that he loves soap operas.

If he gets any bright ideas and tries to hump something I’m gonna be really really mad. This is an education he does NOT need.

I was going to change the channel, but ever since the remote got dropped in a pooh pile in the backyard, the remote is up on the mantle.

If he tries to hump me I am putting him up for sale on eBay.

Love,
Coffee

 

Truly a mystery. So sorry I can’t help…

March 5th 2010 3:33 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 3 people already have ]

The TV remote?

Found in the back yard you say?

Dropped in a nice warm pile of poo?

Oh dear.

Greyhound drool on it too?

I don’t know who would do that.

Are you sure it isn't Beagle drool?

The Beagles next door look suspicious.

Daytona? You know anything?

Nope. He doesn’t know anything either.

That is a terrible thing to happen.

If I see the guilty party I will let you know.

Love,
Coffee

 

New Discovery

February 12th 2010 4:15 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

It's called a "light switch" and it is magic. It is like controlling the
sun!!

And last night at 3:37am I decided it was time for mom to get up and get me
a treat or maybe we could take a walk - so I turned on the bedroom light.

Hoooooo boy did THAT get her attention!! Mom leapt out of bed to see what
the @#$! was going on!

Daytona woke up thinking it was morning and went to stand in the kitchen to
wait for breakfast.

Har Har Har!

I fooled them both.

Everybody was so confused!

Sadly, it didn't take mom long to figure out what happened. (Mostly because
I was still standing by the light switch and there was drool on the switch
plate.) I didn't get breakfast or a walk or even a midnight snack. She just
told me to knock it off and go back to sleep.

So I did.

Next time I'll plan better.

Daytona never did figure out what happened. He wanted to be extra sure he
didn't miss a meal, and decided to spend the rest of the night sleeping on
the teeny tiny mat next to his food bowl.

Love,
Coffee

P.S.
From Coffee's mom: All week I've been finding the bedroom light on at random
times. I never forget to turn lights off! I thought I was losing my mind!
This dog continues to outsmart me.

 

Pardon me, but my village appears to have TWO idiots.

December 17th 2009 4:41 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 4 people already have ]

Today on our walk, we encountered a lamp post. Mom went on the right side of the lamp post. Daytona went on the left side of the lamp post. I stopped walking and waited for the two yahoos on the other end of my leash to figure out that something was amiss.

It is tough to be me.

Love,
Coffee

 

Coffee's Letter to Santa #2

December 14th 2009 4:11 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 5 people already have ]

Dear Santa,

Why don't you just give all Daytona's presents to me? Today he tried to potty on the baby Jesus in a neighbor's nativity scene. Oh, mom caught him before he got out even a dribble, but he definitely planned on doing some marking.

As a matter of fact, you might plan to give me his presents next year too.

I'm pretty sure he will still be naughty.

Love,
Coffee
Definitely "Nice"

 

Coffee's Letter to Santa #1

December 9th 2009 4:16 pm
[ Leave A Comment | 6 people already have ]

Dear Santa,
I want it all.
Love,
Coffee

 
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