The Dynamic Duo Goes To Washington

That's right folks--The President and the Attorney General made a weekend trip to the nation's capital. It was mostly a leisure trip. We have never gotten to meet Dad's parents, and neither has Mama San, so we loaded up the car and drove up.

I: I had some presidential business to attend to; mainly urinating on the Rose Garden so that everyone still remembered who the President is, and then I had some Congressmen to bark at (slackers).

R: I didn't do anything official, though I did bark at a poodle.

We stayed at a very nice hotel that let us stay without crates. We had very deluxe accommodations, very close to the National Mall. Mostly we were excited to be able to meet Grandma and Grandpa. They were very impressed with how well we behaved, and how cute and soft we were. We thought they were very nice, and were glad we got to see them twice during our brief visit.

We crapped and peed our way through the city, ate, slept, and did some other stuff that is actually classified and covert kinda stuff. The kinda stuff that we'd have to silence people about if they found out so we won't discuss it here. Let's just say that once again the Dynamic Duo has gone and done boldly where no dog has gone before.

And just a point of fact: The Washington Monument is not really a giant bully stick, despite Rosie's hopes. Rats!

Troll the Ancient Mule Ride Carol

We're not really sure what that means, but it's part of the song so we sing it.

We went on a Christmas visit today to our friend Daisy's house. Mama San baked a zucchini bread last night, and Dad got Daisy a present, a great big purple cat hoot. Daisy's mom got a present too which we weren't interested in as it had nothing to do with us. Something involving cheese. But there wasn't actually any cheese there so again, that part of the visit was ignored with haste.

So we got to run around in Daisy's yard which was fun. Dad was a little surprised that we didn't take advantage of the space to run around more, but there it is. We did get VERY excited when the next door neighbors' dogs came outside. We went mad running along the fence line barking like crazy. Well, at first it was just their beagle who was very sweet and well mannered. We wanted to like it. Then their other dog came out and they were crazy and it was all down hill from there. Then we went back inside and got to eat more cookies. Sadly there was no zucchini bread for us which sucks. But we did get to eat lots of lamb lung, and more cookies. And we found out that Daisy may stay with us for a couple days in January which will be fun.

Now we're back home getting ready to nap. Napping is good, and our family is really good at it.

Happy Holidays!!

I'll be baack.

We got a late Chanukah present today: the FURMINATOR. We've been seeing this product everywhere we go it seems; at the vet, the pet store, the post office, our local army recruiter, our Congressman's office...in fact, the Furminator seems to have become so ubiquitous that we see people walking down the street grooming themselves. It seemed like we were the only dogs that didn't have a Furminator. But now we have one and boy are we amazed. Sure, it's just #40 grooming comb, but it comes with a cool ergonomic handle that makes Dad feel like he's King of the Dog Stylists (oy). All we know is that it cuts our grooming time in half and the fur flies. So much in fact that Dad has resolved to only furminate us outside so that the house doesn't get filled with more fur than it already is, taxing the limits of our air circulation system.

Mama San just tried to put her slippers on and then there was all this cursing. Moo Cow peed on her slippers. He pees outside the box when the cleanliness level fails to meet his exacting standards (which are pretty darn stringent if you ask us). No matter what Mama San may say about our nosy bedhoggin' ways, she'll never be able to say that we peed in her slippers.

Betrayed!!!

No, it's not the now famous Nathan Lane number from the stage production of Mel Brooks', "The Producers." It's what happened when we found out that Timberwolf Organics changed their foods without telling anyone. They even had the betziim to post in a thread in the Food Forum about how their formulas haven't changed, they just had to relabel them because AAFCO made them do it. But in the same post they ramble about how a couple ingredients weren't listed because of an oversight when they changed bag makers. If that lie is true then there are about half a dozen ingredients they forgot to list. They have also listed ingredients that they haven't been using for two years. Put all these lies together and you get one unavoidable truth: Timberwolf Organics has been lying to the public about it's products, and what is and is not in them.

To add insult to injury they increased their prices in conjunction with changing to cheaper ingredients. They also had even bigger beitziim to tell us that their sales are through the roof and that they just got a brand new office in downtown Orlando. Hey idiots, that's not something to brag about when you've just admitted that you're using cheaper ingredients and have been lying about it to your customers.

What's the bottom line for us? We won't be eating TWO anymore. We're finishing off what we have while we transition to a new food. We're going to try The Honest Kitchen. We have some trial sizes on the way. We've read mostly good things about it. Some dogs have said they don't like that they call it raw when the chicken is cooked. But the company is pretty up front about the fact that the meat is cooked. Some dogs say they don't like it because it's $58 for a 10lb bag. But it makes 43lbs of food. That makes it cheaper per pound than Timberwolf Organics, and cheaper than raw (lamb is $5.99 a pound at Whole Foods, the Thrive formula is $1.65/lb).

Mostly we've heard good things about it. We like the philosophy, product concept, etc. Now all we have to figure out is if we like the way it tastes. We plan on feeding it with Ziwi Peak air dried and Nature's Variety freezed dried, as well as Evanger's 100% meat. We're also thinking about dehydrating our own meats too. In all our food travels, this is the most exciting prospect yet. We've been wanting to move away from kibble, but Dad just doesn't have the time to make meals for us all the time, and true raw is out of the question since it ends up with us trying to kill each other followed by explosive diarrhea: not a good combination. THK sounds like a great compromise for us.

So we're thinking positively about the culinary future, boldy going where the Dynamic Duo has never gone before.

Screw you Timberwolf Organics!!!

We Went to the Beach...Sort of...

R: We spent a week on Ocracoke Island with Dad and Mama San. We had a great time mostly, but Isabel tore a nail the second day we were there while we were playing in the yard.

I: Yeah, it ripped and it bled some. I cleaned it up and bit off some of the dangly skin from my quick. Dad wanted to have it looked at so he made some calls. Ocracoke doesn't have a vet on the island, but he found out that the vet from Roanoke Island was coming the next day for their once-a-month clinic. Dad got me an appointment. The vet looked at it, pulled off the remaining skin (OUCH!), and put me on antibiotics to fight off infection. But the really bad part was that I couldn't go to the beach for most of the week. That really sucked because we love the beach.

R: We waited days and days. Finally on Friday Dad said we could go. We got in the car and drove over. It was really cold and windy that day. We didn't care. I went bezerk on my leash...totally over stimulated. Dad and Mama San couldn't take it so we had to leave. I went into full civil disobediance mode and wouldn't walk up the stairs. Dad had to practically carry me. I was NOT HAPPY!!! Then later that day Isabel and I were playing in the yard and her quick started bleeding again. That put the kaibosh on a return trip to the beach. We were there for a week and only got to go to the beach for half an hour....LAME!!!

I: But we did have lots of relaxing time, and we took some nice long walks around the island so it wasn't a total loss. Rosie you're just a brat!

R: Am NOT!!!

I: I rest my case. Dad says he'll make it up to us and take us to the beach again sometime. My nail is doing much better and is healing nicely, though Dad is still not letting me run around much. He wants to make sure it fully heals. In the meantime I get spoiled like crazy so I'm not complaining. It was just fun to spend a week with Dad and Mama San without them having to go to work. And we got our bellies rubbed a lot. Pawesome!!!

It's beginning to smell a lot like latkes

Everywhere you gooooooooooo!!!!

That's right, we're starting the Chanukah season early this year with the resurrection of our Chanukah gif from our dear friend Rachel Anne who sadly is no longer with us here at Dogster since she never came back from Band Camp. But she is with us in spirit.

Chanukah is starting in exactly a month. So we decided since the closest mall put up their x-mas tree before Halloween, and the fancy gizmo store at the other mall is already playing x-mas music, why shouldn't we give a little plug for the Festival of Lights (or the Festival of Hedgie as we are calling it this year).

Yes, we got a little early Chanukah present early this year. Dad and Mama San went to the flea market this morning and came back with the biggest, most ginormous, colossal hedgie ever! It's bigger than our heads! It grunts and squeaks, and it has a squeaker in each paw. We are in love!

So Happy Chanukah everybody! Spin the dreidle, fry up some sufganiot, and let the latkes fall where they may (preferably in our mouths).

You Suck Ellen

Ellen DeGeneres, you've made us very sad. You went on TV and cried about a little dog named Iggy that got taken away from your hairdresser's family. You made it sound like it was your fault because you didn't read your adoption contract which had a no-transfer clause in it. You said it was all your fault and begged the rescue where you got him from to please give him back.

Honestly Ellen, we thought you were in the wrong from the beginning because you couldn't take the time to read your adoption contract. You also had the dog for less than two weeks before you got rid of it. We thought that was pretty frickin' lame. But then the full extent of your lamitude came out.

You knew about the no-transfer clause because you got a dog from the same rescue and traded him in for Iggy.

When the rescue found out what you had done they gave the new family the opportunity to fill out adoption papers and go through the screeing process. You refused, and they refused to do that. They couldn't be bothered to drive 20 minutes to the rescue to apply in person. And the little brat, that you say loves that dog so much she'll probably start smoking crack because of his being taken back, was caught whining on a video, that you yourself set up with TMZ, that the online application was too long.

You called TMZ, had them send a film crew to their house (two days before your sob routine) and outed the rescue--Mutts and Moms. You made it sound like they barged into the house and stole the dog. They took the dog back when it became obvious that they were not going to properly go through the screening and adoption process.

You used your show to air your personal problems. You lied to the entire country. You whipped your audience into a frenzy. They made death and arson threats against Mutts and Moms who had to close down their rescue operation because they are in fear for their lives. You have made people afraid of getting dogs from rescues. You even got the ASPCA to defend you (not a surprise considering you are a celebrity spokesperson for them, and you give them lots of money...shame on you ASPCA for prostituting yourselves like that). And all because you, your partner Portia di Rossi, and your hairdresser family are a bunch of spoiled Hollywood brat scumbag losers.

Worst of all, it turns out that you are a serial adopter/dumper. You've adopted and dumped no less than six dogs. And you'd probably keep doing it if you hadn't been busted by Mutts and Moms.

The fact that you would go to such great lengths to mislead your audience, manipulate a little girl, and ruin the lives of two women who have done nothing wrong, even though there is so much evidence exposing your fraud, tells us that you have a serious mental problem bordering on psychosis. You need serious help Ellen. You ain't right. You owe an apology to a lot of people, especially the women of Mutts and Moms whose lives you destroyed with your Hollywood arrogance. And you need to go into therapy. Not with someone who will tell you you're okay, but with someone who will actually help you. And Portia, stop enabling Ellen by adopting more dogs for her. Y'all are unfit to have a dog. With any luck you will be banned from adopting any more animals in the state of California.

This entire incident just lends further credence to our theory that humanity is facing a Massive Attack of Shabbiness, and spoiled Hollywood idiots exploiting dogs and putting them in unhealthy siuations is just one symptom of the disease.

STOP THE INSANITY!!!

Okay, we don't hate Mama

It's true. We don't hate Mama Cat. We just wish she didn't hate us. See we could have a symbiotic relationship. See, Mama Cat has a bit of a weight problem. She's pleasantly plump (okay she's a chubs), and can't lick her butt to get the poo off it. Now anyone who knows us at all knows that we LOVE cat poo. Can you see where we're going with this? Every once-in-a-while her butt gets really irritated and she has to go to the vet, get knocked out, her tushy shaved, and her butt cleaned. If she would just let us clean it for her she wouldn't have to go through all that. But when we try to get close to her she spits at us and tries to slap us. We've tried reasoning with her, but she just hides behind the washing machine. And so the free soft serve dispenser continues to remain elusive.

The Bus Came By and We Got On!

We went on tour with Dad and New Mama. They got tickets to see Phil Lesh & Friends in Charlottesville. They were going to send us to Doggy Camp for a couple days, but they found a pet friendly hotel in a good location so they decided to bring us along. It was our first time staying in a hotel. It was so much fun!

The ride was petty uneventful. Rosie hogged the whole back seat as usual....

I did not!

Like heck you didn't!

Okay, maybe a little. Anyway, we got to the hotel and Dad took us to pee while New Mama checked us in. We got a room with 2 double beds. WE GOT OUR OWN BED!!! We didn't have to share with New Mama and Dad, though we did take turns hogging their bed. And there was free cable. We got to watch football since there was no Animal Planet. Well, we were all ready to go to the show. That's when we were unceremoniously informed that we would not be going to the concert! Poo poos. So we had to stay at the hotel and watch TV. I also attacked the hotel cups. I didn't like the way they were looking at me. Isabel said they weren't that menacing, but I wasn't taking any chances.

Well, Dad and New Mama came back from the show and reported that they could have hung out outside and heard the whole thing, as well as stroll around the cool shopping district where they saw a giant dog that must have come from GiantDogellvania or something, which meant that we could have gone too. Rats! Then they said something about the sound being better inside. What do we care? We have dog ears, we could have heard it in the car on top of the parking garage with the doors closed. Humans are so limited.

Well, everything was great until around 5:30 this morning. That's when the Breakfast Lady started getting things ready for breakfast. Did we mention that the Free Breakfast Monstrosity was right across the hall from our room? Rosie heard the Breakfast Lady and started barking. She continued to bark about every 15 minutes for the next hour and a half...

It wasn't that much!

Well it sure felt that way Big Mouth. Finally Dad got her on the bed and made her sleep with him and New Mama and be quiet. I'm not sure why it worked that time, but it did.

Dad got in trouble because went to the Free Breakfast Monstrosity in his socks. Apparently that wasn't good enough. Dad didn't care. He got his bagels out of the toaster, filled his pockets with cream cheese and margarine miniatures, and came back to the room. Then we got to pee and have breakfast. Then it was the fast pack up and depart. No fuss no muss. Dad says that's what it was like when he used to go on tour with Jerry and the Boys, only there would have been 15 people in the room. It was a nice little jaunt.

Weeeeeeeeeeeeee'rrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeee- Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack Sort of

We've been on a long hiatus from Dogster. We've been very busy dogs. We got a new house, new animals, new bed, new lots of things.

Let's see...we went to Georgia to help New Mama move her stuff up here. On the first morning we were there Isabel escaped out the front door and ran around all over the neighborhood. You shoulda seen Dad running around in his boxers sandals and t-shirt. She was apprehended by New Mama. We were on strict lockdown during all moving procedures, which led to the other fiasco on that trip.

Yeah, dummy head Rosie locked us in a room that no one had a key for so Dad had to call a locksmith to come in and get us out. You'd be surprised how long it takes for a locksmith to open a cheapo doorknob lock. Good thing it wasn't a vault with us suffocating inside. We'd probably still be there.
But we weren't the only ones screwing up.

Yeah, Dad shattered one of the glass doors from New Mama's entertainment center. It was wrapped up in a moving blanket so at least there was some containment. He said that the shattering sounded like someone spilling a whole lotta water on the floor. It turned out to be a blessing because it meant they didn't have to try and put it back together which would have been a great big pain in the tuchus. It did mean however that the part of the unit that got packed into the truck is sitting in the driveway waiting to be picked up by the bulk trash dudes.

But wait...there's more! We got two new cat toys to play with. One is Banjo. Banjo loves everybody, and everybody loves Banjo. We chase him and play with him and lick his head. He's awesome. Then there's Big Mama. She hates everybody, and we hate her. She's mean and she spits at us. She's just mad because she's so fat she can't even lick her own butt. Then it gets irritated and she gets even more mean than she already is...and her butt smells...which wouldn't be bad because we love cat poop, but her butt REALLY stinks...bad.

But the best part about this whole deal is that Dad and NM got a new bed. It's queen size, and we get to sleep on it all day! No more off limits bedroom for us, as long as we don't do anything bad like say pull the leather off NM's Birkenstock...which, in Rosie's defense, was already long past the point of being able to be worn.

So that's a little sample of what we've been up to here. It's all good.