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My Diary

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My Baby Now and Forever

October 6th 2014 10:06 am
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Brutus my love there's no new words that have been invented for me to say how much I love you my dearest! That you are never from my heart and my thoughts. I long to see you again in the next life! You taught me so much but the most important thing you taught me is love never dies. My love for you will stay in my heart forever.


Happy Birthday

October 3rd 2012 12:13 pm
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Happy Birthday my sweetheart. Can you see me baby boy? Do you see mommy crying? I try not to Brutus I really do. Somedays are good now that 2 years and more have passed. But just when I think I have gotten thru the worse I realize ‘it’ is still here. That horrible realization that you are gone. That all the crying in the world will not bring you back. Our time together is so precious to me. I guess I am guilty of living in the past like the silly old woman I am. I like to daydream sometimes that you are still here with me. I long for the day I cross over from this life and we are together again. When something bad happens these days I don’t freak out, I kind of take it in stride. How many times can your heart be broken? Once you have lived thru this type of sorrow it makes other things seem less important and not so bad. Not so bad when you compare it to losing a loved one. I so remember your birthdays and how excited I would be shopping for your favorite treats and toys. I wish I could buy something for you now to help me feel better ha! I know this is not especially joyful of an diary entry but if anything it’s the truth. I love you my sweetheart, I love you more each day. You are forever etched in my heart and soul Brutus!


I love you buddy......

January 24th 2011 9:46 am
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I love you Brutus. I love you with everything I have and had. I miss you so much there just aren’t words left to describe the depth of my loss. I crave to just pet your head one more time. To run my fingers down your chest and feel your warm fur. You always made me feel loved and protected. There was nothing I could do enough to make up for all the love you have shown me. I feel sad in my little world here left alone without you. I feel as though I let you down buddy. There are plenty of days I wish I never had brought you in for heart surgery. But I did and I have to live with what happened. A few weeks ago our house burned down buddy. It’s OK. The important thing was you or no one else was there and hurt. But now I can’t sit in ‘our room’ where we spent so many hours. The couch we used to curl up on is gone now. I can’t look at the kitchen floor under the table anymore and remember you falling down under there right before we rushed to the hospital. Maybe in some ways this is good. That I can’t see the bad things anymore. The good things I carry in my heart until the day I die buddy. No one can ever take your memory away from me my love.


Channel 13 News

May 21st 2010 5:32 am
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Brutie I did an interview last week about losing you. It was hard to share my feelings with everyone but I am glad I did if it helps any other pup! Love you my baby boy... =300


3 and a half months

May 17th 2010 7:23 am
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Oh Brutus has it really been that long. Sometimes I have to remind myself what the date is. My world seemed to of stopped on January 30. God I miss you Brutus. I walk around like a wounded animal, licking my wounds. I don’t know what to do about it sometimes. I’ve adopted another pup from your rescue. He helps me to go on. It gives me someone to take care of and love but it can never heal the huge hole in my heart. Last week honey I got my 10 seconds of fame. I did an interview with a local news station about the rising of vet costs. I had to relive our last 3 days together and it hurt a lot for me to do this. I know I probably looked like an old fool on camera, as I had a hard time trying to speak between the tears. But hopefully I got across to folks, who care, that they need to be prepared for emergencies with their pets, and how expensive things can get when a baby’s life is on the line. I will carry your image with me till the day I die Brutus. I love you so much buddy.


Two Months Baby Boy

March 31st 2010 11:17 am
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Two Months Baby Boy

Brutus I can’t believe it’s been two months. These have to be the longest, saddest months of my entire life. I never told you but I did not have a happy childhood, not a happy marriage, kind of just made a way thru this world. I was never popular, never the pretty one, never the lucky one, none of those things. But baby when you came into my world I forgot all about those silly things. You never cared what I looked like as long as I had a treat lol. With you I knew I was loved, I knew I was wanted. I never felt loneliness or despair. How could I when I knew you were there for me? What an honor it was that I was chosen for you to spend your life with. This to me was the biggest favor/gift the world could give. That I lost you so soon, so suddenly is sometimes too much to bear. I cry for you every single day baby boy. I think about our last days together and then I try not to because it hurts too much right now. So I try to think about all the wonderful times we spent together.

Tonight I will go out and buy a balloon to release tomorrow on Rainbow Bridge Day. I never thought I would be doing this for you now. If I could fit myself into this balloon and send myself up to you I would sweetheart. You were the best of me.


One Month buddy

March 1st 2010 8:48 am
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It's been one month now that I have lost my best friend, the love of my life, Brutus. I still can't believe it at time. I so wish I could make it not true but we all know that cannot happen. I cry all the time still for both of us. I cry for him because I know he was so young and deserved so much better and longer of a life. I cry for myself because I have never missed anyone so much in my life. I look for him everywhere. I can just about maintain myself at work but as soon as I drive home at night, I cry and call out his name. I no longer care who thinks I'm crazy, I would gladly embarrass myself in front of the entire world if that would give me just one more hour with my baby. I pray that he is in heaven and playing with Echo and Griff with no pain! I love you Brutus!!!!!!


Two Weeks Now

February 14th 2010 9:31 am
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It has been two weeks now that my precious baby boy has gone to sleep. To say I miss Brutus is the biggest joke of all. Miss him? I can't live without him! I cry each day like it just happened. Each night I look at his picture before I close my eyes and each morning his picture is the first thing I look at. He was so young, so strong. He fought and survived his surgeries like a champion that he was. Oh my poor baby, how did you feel when you awoke from the second surgery. Were you scared. The thought of that breaks my heart into pieces when I didn't think I had a heart left to break anymore. I can barely see to type these words. I come back to Dogster because thank God there are still people here that understand my pain. Everyone in my life wants me to get over this, my family, my friends, my co workers. I'll never get over my baby. He was my world. The only thing that helps me keep my head up these days is knowing I loved him with everything I had every second I had. To anyone who reads this, I know you have heard it before but I still have to say it, hug your fur babies tight. You never know what life has in store for us. Love them now, don't put off taking them out for that long walk or spending a little bit more time with them like you used to. If I would of known the last time I walked Brutus it was never going to happen again, I would still be walking...


New Years Resolutions 2010

December 31st 2009 1:23 pm
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10. Owner on floor, dog in bed.
9. Stop begging and actually get a seat at the dinner table.
8. Give up the dream of ever catching my tail.
7. Bark like a big dog but still get cuddled on lap like a little dog.
6. Get back at cat for litter box incident.
5. Find every bone I ever buried.
4. No more haircuts! (come fall, I can go as a Komondor for Halloween).
3. Become alpha dog in my house. Well, at least stop letting the cat push me around.
2. Invent goggles that allow me to see the electric fence.
1. Finally pass that darn AKC Canine Good Citizen test.

Happy New Years Everypup!!! Whooooohoooooooooooooooooo!!!


In Remembrance of My BFF Lucas & Mommy

July 28th 2009 6:04 am
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The day you laid me down to sleep
you prayed to the Lord; my soul to keep
I know you had to send me on my way
but you sent me to a new; better; and much brighter day

You sent me home; to heaven above
where I'm cradled in God's arms; covered with His love
I understand what you did; you did out of love
and I'll return that love; from my new home above

My sickness is gone; and I'm free here to roam
I run and play in the meadows; here in my new home
We play here by the Bridge; from morning to night
there is no rain here; just warm sunlight

I know you all miss me; I miss you all too
but I'll always be with you; whatever you do
Please wipe the tears; from your weeping eyes
by remembering the good times; from days gone by

When you look out; into the dark of night
I'll be that bright star; your guiding light
We'll meet again at the Bridge one day
when we'll walk in the light; together to stay

John Quealy

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♥ Brutus ♥


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