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Mutter mutter...

May 13th 2008 8:24 am
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Fomfomfom gave me a gram of gold today. Now that I am invested, I shall have to watch CNBC constantly for the price of gold. When it goes up, I will sell it back to fomfomfom. If it goes up further, I'll take it back from her and sell to her again at the peak. Then I will put the money into my shoebox and ask for another gram of gold from fomfomfom. Investing is such tiring business.

Cha had something to say about my business plan, and I wasn't happy with her. We investors do not tolerate people second-guessing our decisions. So I scolded her and she kept quiet in shame.

So unsatisfied I am with her. Mutter mutter.


I am the Queen surveying my land

May 12th 2008 7:50 am
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It is mahjong day today. Auntie Chris came early so I gave her my bottle and asked her to rub my belly. Later I didn't want my belly rubbed anymore so I asked for my bottle back but she won't give it back to me. She insisted it's hers. I complained to ah ma and ah ma got my bottle back for me. Next time I'll have to find something less valuable to give to the mahjong girls, like tissue paper filled with fomfomfom's snot or something.

Then I made some investments. I told fomfomfom I'll give her a dollar and I'll have a share in her investments. I'll take all the profits and she'll be in charge of all the losses. Fomfomfom agreed and we shook hands. We're partners.

It is my habit at night to roam the house and knock on Merrilyn's door. She'll put down all she's doing, open the door and I'll walk around the room and then come out in 5 seconds. Fomfomfom saw it for the first time tonight and gasped that I was so naughty. What does she know, the ignoramus. She always wonders why I come out of the room so fast, does Merrilyn spank me or something. Now she sees that I don't allow Merrilyn to even pat me. I just want to survey the room.

I am the Queen. It's always on my terms.


Happy Mother's Day, ah ma!

May 11th 2008 7:24 am
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It is Mother's Day today. I love ah ma! A long time ago, I made a card for ah ma, with my paw print. But this year no one helped me so I had no card for my ah ma this year.

In the gardens today there were lots of people. I think they were having picnics and parties as it is sunday, and I found a piece of chicken on the ground. Fomfomfom and cha were horrified when they saw that I had it in my mouth, and fomfomfom immediately hit it out of my mouth. I thought that was so rude, she could have asked politely. I was about to discard it anyway, I am used to eating only hand-fed-bite-sized food. Only a mongrel knows how to eat a big piece of stray chicken. The unsatisfactory cha and fomfomfom then went on muttering about how the meat could be poisoned. Can't be bothered with them. I am pedigree princess ping.

My rashes got a little itchy today so I tried to scratch using my teeth. Ah ma was so anxious she summoned fomfomfom and ordered her to play with me so I may be distracted from the itch. Cha played with me while ah ma interrogated fomfomfom about what can be done about the itch. Fomfomfom shrugged and went to bathe.

But I still like fomfomfom more than that ah bee, who's still missing. She called back to speak to ah ma coz it is mother's day but I refused to speak to her. I only love ah ma.


My birthday

May 10th 2008 8:44 am
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Today is my birthday. I am 4 years and 5 months old today. Once upon a time they promised I would get cake on my birthdays. There was no cake today. Fomfomfom said she was afraid I would be unhappy that I can't eat the cake, so she didn't buy cake. I had kibble today.

My tai-ma came early in the morning, no doubt to wish me a happy birthday. I was up and bounding about at 915am, and when I finally had a chance to rest at 3pm, I told ah ma to open her door so I can go in and sleep in my bed. Ah ma seemed pleased I knew when to rest, so she let me sleep alone in her air-conditioned room while she went to cook dinner.

I have some bumps on my right thigh, we don't know if they are rashes or insect bites. But ah ma is very worried and I am very itchy so we will wait and see if they go away after one or two days.

When I go to the gardens, I like to pee on solitary bricks or rocks. Cha calls it ping on the rocks. It sounds like a drink. When ah bee comes back, I will rustle up a double ping on the rocks straight up and make her drink it.


Cha keeps calling me Fluffy Ping

May 9th 2008 8:16 am
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Let me address my kibble issue. It's not half bad, you know, the kibble is. But it pales, oh how it pales in comparison with my diet of the past. The past had meat, fruits and all sorts of delicacies. I could weep just thinking about it, but there's light at the end of the 6-week-long tunnel so I merely shed a solitary tear. So it's been 2 weeks into my 6-week kibble diet and I'm crawling the walls already. Today cha announced that I'm to eat nothing but kibble for the rest of my life coz fomfomfom mentioned her friend has a 16 year old miserable dog that eats nothing but kibble. I am to live to 25, cha informs me. So I threatened to kill myself. Fomfomfom says I am too dramatic. So I wept. Dabbing my eyes constantly with my girl scout kerchief I sat in a corner and wept.

Until cha and fomfomfom brought me to the gardens. Just when I was a little cheered up, I found myself back at home and in a bathtub. It was bathing day and when the ordeal was over, I decided to ban everyone who hadn't had a bath from coming near me. I find them smelly.

And in the evening ah bee's voice came from this box and I couldn't find ah bee so I decided I must forget about her. It's been 2 days since I last saw her and I can't have any more unhappiness in my life.

And then cha starts cooing at me and calling me fluffy ping.


Ah bee where art thou?

May 8th 2008 8:58 am
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Ah ma was lazy this morning and slept in and then watched tv and refused wilfully to go marketing. So too did I sleep in and woke up only at 10am. Then ah ma brought me to the garden to watch passersby and catch lizards. And after all that we've accomplished, we realised, with much disdain, that fomfomfom hasn't woken up yet.

Suddenly, I remembered the cat. The cat! Last night it was all mewing and flashing eyes. I sought it out, and ah ma said, let her have cat. Upon which I was presented with said cat, flashing eyes and all. I shouted at it but it wasn't cowed so I sniffed its backside to see what its weakness is. And ah ma said to remove the cat so that I won't have nightmares and chatter in my sleep later. I must speak to ah ma tomorrow to clarify that I'm not scared of the stupid cat. And stiffly rebuke cha for saying it looks like me, what with a white tail tip and black fur. She even suggested painting the cat's head with a strip of white so that it may better look like me. The audacity.

In the evening I realised I haven't seen ah bee all day so I went into her room to look for her but she wasn't there.

I am going to sleep now and I still haven't found ah bee.


Evil takes all forms

May 7th 2008 8:53 am
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Ah ma is home! Of course she lost all her money, do you even have to ask? She didn’t come home empty-handed though; she had with her a little black cat which moves and purrs. And it has got green eyes which flashes while it moves. It’s evil that thing. I tried telling them that but no one would listen to me. They were busy laughing at me trying to subdue that evil thing with the flashing green eyes. Right now I’ve managed to get it to sit motionless on the coffee table. I need to devise a plan to get rid of it. And quick.


Quarantine Cha!

May 6th 2008 9:59 am
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I can’t help but worry about Cha. I think she is a little senile. Fomfomfom told her to bring my kibble up and she came up with a packet of sunflower seeds instead. There was something else she did that was a little worrying but I forgot.

OMG. Senility is contagious.


Ah ma zhai na li?

May 5th 2008 9:30 am
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I couldn’t find Ah ma when I woke up this morning. She had sneakily snuck off to Genting again. Incorrigible chicken porridge. Ah bee woke up to say byebye to her but she said, “SHHHHHH” and pointed to my door. Sneaky. You know what the ancient Chinese says- bright people don’t do no dark things. Ah ma is not very bright. *giggles*


Have you heard about the seal and the penguin?

May 4th 2008 9:57 am
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That is one sorry seal man. And poor penguin. It needs a shrink.

On an entirely different note, I hate Sundays.

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